METAL MEN 1 (1963)
by Robert Kanigher & Ross Andru
The Metal Men proved popular enough to get their own title, and we start with an awesome cover!
We begin with the Metal Men having their pictures taken, with Mercury to remind us how annoying he is.
Doc Magnus goes a little deeper into how the Metal Men work. Despite being robots they don’t have computers in their heads… they have “responsometers”, which apparently are devises where Doc has programmed every situation imaginable.
Note that “responsometer” is consistently written with quotes, for some reason.
Remember from previous issues that Doc Magnus has repeatedly threatened to give away Tina to the science museum? I told you he wasn’t kidding! 
Doc Magnus is a SERIOUS contender to take away Superman’s role of just. The. Worst.
I know Tina is certifiably insane, but come on!
The rest of the team investigates a weird swarm of meteorites that just happens to hit a “giant gas storage tank”.
Aaaand everybody except Mercury dies to prevent the fire from expanding.
Which isn’t much of an inconvenience for the Metal Men.
Tina is of course still around at the science museum… where she causes a scene because SHE WON’T STOP CRYING.
So of course:
While the rest of the Metal Men are being rebuilt, Doc Magnus investigates the meteorites that blew up the gas tank while Mercury and Tina demonstrate that they are the only members of the team with any sort of interesting personality.
Plot twist: they were not meteorites!
Which is the same lesson learned by aliens passing through a “nearby planetoid”.
Their mission was to dispose of the incredibly dangerous evil robot Z-1, and they succeeded… kind of.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, is where Metal Men becomes AMAZING.
Buckle up.
First up: Z-1 wants to build himself a queen.
But while he CAN build other robots (out of scraps, mind you), he can ONLY build replicas of himself.
And I guess he’s kind of slow to get it because he figures it out only after he has built millions of them!!!
So he decides to build himself a giant telescope (again, out of junk) to find himself a queen!
You’ve read a comic in your life, right? You know where this is going.
That’s what happened with the gas tank: those meteorites were Z-1’s duplicates, called the Missile Men, trying out an invasion to find Tina.
And since Earth didn’t respond to the first attack, the Missile Men proceed to BOMBARD THE ENTIRE PLANET FROM ORBIT.
This looks like a job for…
…somebody else, I hope.
Since Tina is not being attacked by the Missile Men, Doc Magnus uses her as bait (???) while he takes out his Magnetizing Ray ™.
I don’t know why, but “I’d rather erode!” got a chuckle out of me.
So, about that Magnetizing Ray ™ that Doc took out of nowhere (he didn’t have any time to prepare for the Missile Men showing up!), you might wonder… what does it do?
THIS:
Are we sure Doc Magnus isn’t related to Magneto!?
This deactivates the Missile Men… SOMEHOW… and so we end with Doc Magnus being just about as grateful as you guessed.
Metal Men significance: 7/10
Z-1 will return a few times, having established himself as one of the major Metal Men villains.
Silver Age-ness: 8/10
Doc Magnus’ awfulness aside, the story itself isn’t all that Silver Age. However what really elevates the score is the fact that there is absolutely zero acknowledgment that there were any casualties or permanent damages to THE EARTH BEING BOMBARDED.
Does it stand the test of time? 6/10
The Missile Men part of the story is classic dumb superhero fun and it’s AWESOME. But it’s way too short, so your enjoyment of the rest of the issue is really going to be based on how much you can tolerate Doc Magnus.
“Mercury is the only liquid metal at room temperature”: 5
Only adding 1 occurrence, but it’s notably the first thing Mercury says in the first issue!
The death count is interesting. Tina doesn’t die once in the entire story, Mercury dies once, and everybody else DIES TWICE.
Times Platinum has died: 4
Times Mercury has died: 6
Times Gold has died: 7
Times Iron has died: 7
Times Lead has died: 7
Times Tin has died: 7
Interesting letters: Mercury was supposed to be colored white, but he was changed to red to avoid confusion with Tina.
Which is fine, but Tin is often colored exactly like her, so I don’t see the point.