Season 1, Episode 9: “The Substitutes”
Written by Scott Sonneborn
Directed by Ben Jones
Original release: February 17th 2007
Running time: 22 minutes
Air time: Saturday morning
This is going to be a challenge to review: this is a straight-up comedy, which is always more difficult if you don’t want to just list the jokes.
Which makes it even harder, because spoiler alert: this episode is HILARIOUS.
And how could it not be? It’s audition time!!!
And you can tell this is going to have A TON of references to the comics, because the Legion even brings out this iconic hall.
The first to audition is Chlorophyll Kid, who uses his power to grow a giant plant monster.
He’s voiced by Alexander Polinsky; fans of the Teen Titans 2003 show might recognize the name because he voiced Control Freak, but he uses a completely different voice here.
The rest of the Legion deals with the monster after the audition.
Next up is Stone Boy!
Who just transforms into stone and stands there. No jokes are made, but just the sheer absurdity of his power perfectly sells the scene.
What makes it even funnier is that the Legion keeps Stone Boy in the room during the other auditions!!!
Color Kid’s audition has him rapidly changing Superman into different colors.
Color Kid is voiced by prolific voice actor James Arnold Taylor. He will voice another character in the episode, in addition to having voiced Lightning Lord in the previous episodes.
Among the many characters he voiced, he was also Harry Osborn in Spectacular Spider-Man and, most incredibly, he’s been the voice of Magneto in SEVERAL video games (including Marvel Rivals and Marvel Tokon).
James Arnold Taylor also voices Porcupine Pete, who is arguably the main character of this episode.
Lightning Lad is not a fan, considering their encounter last episode.
Bouncing Boy retains his role as a teacher from his Legion Academy days.
If Porcupine Pete was one of his best students though, I shiver at the though of the others.
Porcupine Pete is supposed to be younger than his counterpart from Superboy #201, but his aim isn’t any better.
Matter-Eater Lad returns after his cameo in episode 5, sharing Chlorophyll Kid’s voice actor.
He demonstrates his power by eating a bomb and its detonator AND making it explode within him.
Not really sure how THAT works, but it makes his power seem slightly less ridiculous.
We have another serious applicant with Star Boy. Since this episode came out during the Threeboot, it’s the race-swapped version.
Despite that, I think he has more in common with Reboot Star Boy, because in his audition he first makes objects super-light. Makes sense to just give him complete gravity powers, since Light Lass is not TECHNICALLY in this series.
Although his main ability in the show is making things light… for the very little he actually does in the show!
And our last audition is from Infectious Lass. She’s voiced by Kari Wahlgren, who already voices Saturn Girl and Triplicate Girl.
Infectious Lass always sounds like she’s very congested and is apparently asthmatic!
And her audition involves her giving Bouncing Boy a nasty cold.
The Legion audition is slightly different in this show than in every other incarnation.
They don’t tell you that you’ve failed your audition as soon as it’s finished: they wait for ALL the auditions to be over, and only at the very end they announce who will join the team.
That’s actually a pretty good idea! People like Color Kid have no chance to pass, sure… but what if they accepted Matter-Eater Lad right away only for, say, Wildfire to show up next? Makes more sense to evaluate everyone first!
M-E-L and Star Boy are going to join the team, and the reaction from the crowd finally allows me to update the reject count!!! I didn’t count everyone who had a cameo last time since they might have just been there for Bouncing Boy’s course.
But here everyone looks disappointed if they’re not selected, so I’m going to assume all of these people DID audition.
In the above screenshot we have, left to right: Antennae Boy, The Mess (I assume?), Night Girl, Breath Boy, Double Header, Invisible Kid II, Stone Boy and Fire Lad.
From the one below, I’m going to assume the guy with “QK” on his chest is Quake Kid (no clue why he has a shovel). We also have Polecat, Color Kid, Polar Boy, Chlorophyll Kid and Infectious Lass.
As you imagined by the title of the episode, we’re going to follow the rejects for the rest of it.
I love how Color Kid is sure that his power is awesome.
And Stone Boy STILL hasn’t transformed back!!!
Bouncing Boy continues to be supportive, even including the fact that in Adventure Comics #301 he ALSO didn’t pass the audition!
This makes me wonder… how long has the Legion been active in this continuity?
We will see the origin in a Season Two episode, where the founders are noticeably much younger: they look like they’re 12 there.
After Bouncing Boy gives them a speech about keep trying and not giving up, he has to leave on a mission. This inspires the rejected members to start using their powers for good.
Even Stone Boy agrees… I think.
The Legion emergency is dealing with some space monsters that are eating the upper atmosphere.
But who cares about that, let’s what the REAL heroes are up to!
And they’re quite active at it. Infectious Lass helps an old lady cross the street… into an ambulance…
…Stone Boy deals with bank robbers…
…Chlorophyll Kid grows a giant plant to help some firefighters…
…Color Kid saves a missing dog…
…and finally Porcupine Pete saves a girl from drowning in a pool.
All in a day’s work for heroes!
Also, since there wasn’t a good enough screenshot for it: for SOME reason, most of the time when Chlorophyll Kid commands a plant to grow he waves around that flower. I have no clue why.
Up to this point the episode was already funny enough, but this is where I just can’t stop laughing because we finally meet the most memorable part of this episode: Starfinger.
Despite the above subtitle, I’m pretty sure he actually says “they once mocked me” because he then proceeds to bombastically explain TO NOBODY that he has a different power for every finger.
So he shares part of his look with the second Starfinger, the power idea behind the original Starfinger… and basically nothing else.
It’s kind of hard to explain what makes him so hilarious, because the voice has a BIG impact.
He’s voiced by Taylor Negron who gives him one of the most unique voices I have ever heard… it’s an unexplainable mixture of a flamboyant egomaniac with some sort of speech impediment which makes every word he utters memorable.
In his speech that, again, he’s giving TO NOBODY, he demonstrates that one finger shoots ice, another creates sound waves, and one… uhm…
…his little finger shoots tiny furry minions.
Something else that makes him hilarious is that while he’s ALMOST dangerous, he is quite clearly dumb despite his ego.
But don’t worry, he’s going to be stopped by the… uhm… what are you guys again?
Too bad Starfinger can also shoot ropes, water and a laser powerful enough to… cut some grass.
Like I said: ALMOST dangerous.
But that is nothing next to the awesome powers of Color Kid!
Curses! Beings who are completely unaffected by having their color changed! His only weakness!
Seriously, I cannot explain just how memorable Starfinger is.
He’s also QUITE easy to follow, since he ordered his minions to bring him the loot… veeeeery slowly.
Meanwhile, the Legion is dealing with the lesser menace of more and more monsters eating the atmosphere.
Luckily for them, the real heroes are ready to do their duty…
…calling the Legion.
I still burst out laughing every single time this scene comes up.
This really makes me wish we had seen the Legion’s first encounter with Starfinger.
He does show up in the comic series set in this universe (which I’ll review later), but it’s a missed opportunity because we don’t see Brainiac 5 interacting with him.
Minor but underappreciated gag: the whole team fitting inside the phone booth while trying their best to avoid Pete’s quills. And Stone Boy is STILL in stone form!!!
The rejects decide they’re not going to wait around and attack Starfinger’s hideout.
While he’s busy making himself pretty, SOMEHOW.
There’s being flamboyant, being over-the-top flamboyant, and five or six levels above that there’s Starfinger.
C’mon, the guy flies by shooting energy from a thumbs down! How can you not love this doofus?
Especially when he uses it to fly LIKE THIS. And he’s even shocked that people mock him!!!
Something I really like about this particular set of heroes, instead of the classic Substitutes, is that with the partial exception of Porcupine Pete (whose quills are not even that dangerous) everyone has completely useless powers.
Even Infectious Lass doesn’t seem to be able to do much beyond throwing snot at her enemies.
That’s way more on brand than having Polar Boy who, despite being a great character, never made sense to be relegated to the Subs.
But eventually one trick works: having Color Kid disguise Stone Boy so that he can make Starfinger trip!
And even that is just MILDLY inconvenient, because Starfinger just uses his furry minions to throw Stone Boy into space.
Meanwhile the Legion is being overwhelmed by the atmosphere-eating aliens, to the point that Brainiac 5 is building a gun that zap the aliens… while also completely frying the atmosphere.
And this is when we learn that the two plots are connected: the furry minions turn into the aliens once they get into space.
There are SO MANY aliens at this point that the Legion even needs to bring out the non-speaking members!
Enjoy those cameos, that’s the biggest part these four have over the entire series.
Whereas Stone Boy just turns back into stone and drops back into the atmosphere.
Shockingly, the other heroes are still standing up to Starfinger.
Good news: Chlorophyll Kid grows another plant like the one from the audition!
Bad news: Chlorophyll Kid grows another plant like the one from the audition!
They are saved by Starfinger (!!!) who thanks them for making him truly evil.
Well, considering how he pronounces it, he’s more “ee-vee-yel” than evil.
He truly believes with all his heart that this sounds menacing.
Only to be crushed by Stone Boy, dropping from space.
That sure was lucky!!!
Yeah the other guys apparently had no idea Stone Boy could talk!!!
He’s voiced by Yuri Lowenthal, like Superman. He gives him a much deeper and more gravelly voice, which I assume is the joke.
Because of the damage done to the atmosphere, the heroes can’t contact the Legion: all hope now lies in taking off Starfinger’s glove.
Brainiac 5 is about to use his weapon, when Porcupine Pete’s mom brings him Starfinger.
Brainiac 5 is skeptical this is serious, but Bouncing Boy and shockingly Lightning Lad actually believes the rejects.
As proof that Starfinger is a complete idiot, apparently it’s actually VERY easy to take off the glove.
I love how annoyed Brainiac 5 is at having to share credit with these guys, because he integrates the glove with his super-gun to make the aliens disappear.
In the epilogue, the five even refuse the offer to take new auditions, deciding they’re going to continue this team.
And so we end with the Substitute Heroes having gained the respect of the Legion.
Animated significance: 3/10
This is the only Subs episode, but they have a couple of cameos and show up in the comic series, as does Starfinger. We also have Star Boy and M-E-L joining, but they barely do anything the whole series.
Does any of this show up in regular continuity?
I realize it’s a challenge if you can’t do the voice but I really, REALLY wish we had this Starfinger in the comics.
Silver Age-ness: 8/10
I can see almost all of these jokes working in a Hamilton & Forte story.
Does it stand the test of time? 10/10
This is one of my favorite episodes of the whole series, and definitely THE best comedy episode (although I also like the next one).
Of course, your enjoyment of the episode depends a lot on whether you find the jokes funny.
One of the things that help is that, unlike the original Substitutes, you really can’t blame the Legion for rejecting these guys. Which, as mentioned, is helped by not having Polar Boy be the focus.
The Subs come out as well-meaning but, let’s face it, they’re all dumb as rocks… except Stone Boy apparently? Well, he was dumb enough to think bank robbers couldn’t just move around him.
Also, aside from a couple of snarky remarks from Lighting Lad, the Legion is actually quite polite with the rejections! I think we can excuse Brainiac 5 from being annoyed at the end, but he WAS trying to save the world while a bunch of idiots showed up to interrupt.
Easily the biggest disappointment are the two new members. Not only they don’t do anything, Star Boy doesn’t even get any speaking lines!!!
Meaning this is the only continuity where PORCUPINE PETE has more speaking lines than Star Boy, Element Lad, Sun Boy, Tyroc, Blok and Matter-Eater Lad COMBINED.
We are Legion
18 active members (that we know of)
Brainiac 5
Saturn Girl
Bouncing Boy
Triplicate Girl
Phantom Girl
Lightning Lad
Shrinking Violet
Colossal Boy
Cosmic Boy
Superman
Blok
Element Lad
Dream Girl
Sun Boy
Tyroc
Timber Wolf
Matter-Eater Lad
Star Boy
Rejected members: 15
Breath Boy
Antennae Boy
The Mess
Night Girl
Breath Boy
Double Header
Invisible Kid II
Stone Boy
Fire Lad
Quake Kid
Polecat
Color Kid
Polar Boy
Chlorophyll Kid
Infectious Lass