Superboy 217

SUPERBOY 217 (1976)
by Jim Shooter & Mike Grell

 A surprisingly cheesy cover this time.

I always like it when we get to see the Legionnaires hanging out like friends.
Note Superboy floating instead of sitting down.

As soon as I saw that panel I thought “Timber Wolf doesn’t strike me as a chess player”, and…

They’re on a mission when the Enterprise the Legion Cruiser is ambushed by a Klingon bird-of-prey Khund warship.

Uhm, guys, maybe tone down the Star Trek references a little bit?

All of this was just a test run: the Khund warlord Marshal Lorca wants to test his military might against the Legion itself.

They do manage to shoot down the Legion Cruiser, but Colossal Boy manages to land “using his enormous strength”. (WTF!?)

Marshal Lorca, in all of his military genius, decides to have his troops attack the ship… ON FOOT.

When he figures out that Brainiac 5 is giving the team strategic advice, however, Lorca does actually come up with a clever tactic.

And now you know why Brainiac 5 tells people he’s the smartest man in the Galaxy and not the smartest Legionnaire.

You might expect this to be part of a more complex plot, but… no, the Legion just attacks Lorca’s forces head on and they wipe the floor with them.

As a Wolverine prototype, Timber Wolf is contractually obligated to complain 90% of the time.
Also: yes that is a new costume for Colossal Boy, and yes it kind of sucks.

While they talk about this, Lorca sneaks into the Legion Cruiser… not knowing that it’s been irreparably damaged.

And so he’s taken out by the explosion, overshadowed by the sound effect.
Which, in case you can’t read it thanks to the scan quality, it literally reads “HOLY COW! DIG THE FIREWORKS!”. No, seriously, it does!!!

And the moral of the story is: please give Jim Shooter more than five minutes to write a plot.

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Well that sucked. Let’s move to a story that actually has some significance!

We begin with Superboy arriving in the 30th century and finding someone about to be killed by magnetic cargo shipments.
Leave it to Jim Shooter to find a way to get some worldbuilding at the first chance.

Specifically it’s a hot girl in a skimpy outfit.

She’s so hot that, instead of just flying her to safety, Superboy stops to flirt!

Her name is Elna Notafakename.

The typically asexual Superboy is really, REALLY into her.

But she ditches him as soon as Wildfire shows up.

Superboy has to leave to attend a Legion meeting, but once he’s done he does find her around the headquarters.

This was all a misunderstanding: she wasn’t trying to infiltrate the Legion, she’s trying to join them.

That’s because “Elna” is actually his descendant Laurel Kent.

She’s a trainee of the Legion Academy because she doesn’t actually have all of his powers, only his invulnerability.

And the reason she was being so mysterious is that she is supposedly a dead ringer for the girl that Superman is going to marry.

And that’s how we end, because once Superboy gets back to the 20th century he has forgotten that he wanted to bang his great-(x500)-granddaughter.

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Historical significance
First story: 0/10
Whenever we get a reference to Khund villains, Lorca is always left out. I wonder why.
Second story: 6/10
Laurel Kent, who weirdly enough doesn’t get a codename, will be a mainstay of the Legion Academy and have a bunch of appearances. Nothing really significant will be done with her, which really hurts the score. I suppose we could take this as confirmation that Superman will marry Lois Lane, but come on, like there was ever any doubt.

Silver Age-ness
First story: 0/10
This was way too boring to have anything of note.
Second story: 1/10
Just the whole super-hypnosis thing, really.

Does it stand the test of time?
First story: 0/10
Pointless and boring. Really a letdown from both Shooter and Grell. This honestly might be the most forgettable Legion story ever told.
Second story: 8/10
It’s a little creepy that Superboy finds his descendant that attractive, but 1,000 years should fall within some statute of limitations. Despite that, the only fault is being really light on plot… but the story works for what it sets up to do.

We are legion
22 Legionnaires
6 reserve members
3 honorary members: Elastic Lad, Pete Ross, Rond Vidar
1 resigned member: Command Kid
1 expelled member: Nemesis Kid
3 deceased members: Dynamo Boy, Ferro Lad, Invisible Kid

How much Legion is too much?
The total number of characters who have been members is 36.