Metal Men #33

METAL MEN 33 (1968)
by Robert Kanigher & Mike Sekowsky

Kanigher returns for his last run, which will only last four issues. We kick off with one AMAZING cover, possibly the best the Metal Men have had so far.

As it’s often the case with Kanigher we begin in the middle of the story, specifically with the cops hunting the Metal Men.

And I guess Lead is taking revenge from being depicted as a dwarf last issue, learning how to grow giant-size. (???)

Sure, keep firing lead bullets at the giant lead robot, I’m sure that’ll work.

And then SUDDEN GIANT INSECTS!!! FROM SPACE!!!

WTF IS GOING ON!?!?

I have no idea, but are the Metal Men… suddenly being competent heroes!?!?

Nope!

We’re already at page ten (!!!) and this comic shows no sign of slowing down for a single moment to explain anything.

And then the Metal Men are recruited rescued by Colonel Magnus, the brother of Doc Magnus that show up out of nowhere they know very well and who is probably a supervillain offers to help.

Words I didn’t expect to type in a Metal Men review but don’t surprise me in the slightest: “Our way is blocked a fly-monster”.

Okay, so FINALLY the comic stands still long enough to give us some exposition. The giant insects are from planet Ffeexa (???) and are invading Earth for its food.
Well at least it’s not robot aliens AGAIN.

If I didn’t know otherwise I’d swear this comic was promoting some toys, considering how out of nowhere Colonel Magnus and his super-truck are.

Doc Magnus is in a coma AGAIN.

It’s at this point that we finally learn why the authorities were after the Metal Men at the start of the issue, as well as why Doc is in a coma.

The flashback shows us Doc gave the Metal Men a new Responsometer ™ designed to make them stronger and “react more like robots”. Yeah, sure, like that’s going to work.

You’re not fooling me, comic. Doc’s brother just stabbed him in the back, didn’t he?

Turns out the new Responsometer ™ actually DOES make the Metal Men more powerful… and even more incompetent!!!

And that’s how the Metal Men ended up being the most hated robots in the world.

I wonder who’s in charge of printing all these posters and leaflets.

After the flashback is over Colonel Magnus sends the Metal Men to fight the alien flies… and two thirds of the team are immediately useless.

But then Gold and Tina EXTERMINATE THE ALIEN INVADERS.

Okay, that was AWESOME. Now that the Metal Men have proven themselves useful, surely humanity is going to forgive them right? Right?

You’ll have to endure the suspense until next issue, Gold.

---

Metal Men significance: 7/10
This kicks off a continuous storyline (yes, really!!!) that I count as the end of the Silver Age for the team.

Silver Age-ness: 7/10
Giant flies from outer space!!!

Does it stand the test of time? 6/10
Now THIS is how you go back to basics! The Metal Men against a giant alien, almost no wacky shenanigans, nonstop action, and the final victory is thanks to real life scientific facts!
It’s by no means perfect though… Colonel Magnus is a clunky addition, the aliens are as cliché as they can be, and the manic energy of the story can be exhausting after a while.
It’s also a VERY quick read: out of 22 ½ total pages, there are 3 splash pages and 10 pages where there are only 2 or 3 panels per page.
The artwork brings down the score a little. There are great scenes, like the end of the fight, but there’s also stuff like this:

Issues when not a single Metal Man dies: 14