Because why not.
A couple of general rules:
A) I’m just counting the Golden Age and the Silver Age. Stories published after these eras, and most importantly any character development that happens there, are not considered in the ranking.
B) Superhero couples are not eligible. I don’t think it would be fair to include people like Hawkgirl or Wasp, since they either get equal treatment to the title hero (or as much as the sensibilities of the era allow) or get more panels and development than other kinds of sidekicks.
NOT RANKED
Supergirl and Batgirl. There are stories where you could consider them as Superman’s and Batman’s sidekicks, but they tend to do their own thing.
Captain Marvel Junior and Mary Marvel. They’re considered fully equals to Captain Marvel in the Golden Age.
Pete Ross is more of a Superboy supporting character than a sidekick.
Wong would definitely count as Doctor Strange’s sidekick in later years, but in the Silver Age I’m not counting him.
Wonder Girl is a weird case, in that she BARELY acts as Wonder Woman’s sidekick… and in fact debuts as a younger version of Wonder Woman herself, transitioning to a different character because of editorial oversight. She’s too much of a headache for a list like this.
Bottom of the barrel: Golden Age comedy sidekicks
I can barely stand those. And there tons more that I’m not even mentioning; these are just a sample!
There’s nothing wrong with adding some comedy to superhero comics, but these guys tend to overdo it and, at least for my tastes, they’re barely ever funny.
35- Winky, Blinky, and Noddy (Flash)
Speaking of not being funny! I think these guys were supposed to be the Three Stooges of superhero comics except, well, they’re just not funny. And since they obviously can’t keep up with Flash, the story has to LITERALLY slow down for them.
34- Percival Popp (The Spectre)
I don’t think you can come up with a more mismatched duo than The Incarnation Of God’s Wrath and a bumbling detective.
33-Doiby Dickles (Green Lantern)
Points for consistency and for OCCASIONALLY being funny. Still no idea what he’s doing in most Green Lantern comics.
32-Uncle Marvel (Captain Marvel)
I give him a bit of a pass because Golden Age Captain Marvel gets into comedic territory more easily than others.
He’s such an integral part of the Marvel Family that I seriously considered covering his first appearance. But he’s not really a superhero, he just THINKS he is, despite having no powers and possibly early onset dementia.
31-Woozy Winks (Plastic Man)
In modern stories, Plastic Man is the comedic one. But originally he was the straight man in comedic stories, so without people like Woozy you couldn’t even TELL a Golden Age Plastic Man story.
Low tier: barely sidekicks
I place in this category people who participate in the hero’s adventure, but only up to a point.
Some of them are not even people!
30-Redwing (Falcon)
It’s a bird! It’s a… no, it’s definitely just a bird. The sidekick of a sidekick, even. And yet I still place him above the comedy sidekicks because he DOES help!
29-Streaky (Supergirl)
He’s more trouble to Supergirl than he’s worth. He does have near-human intelligence so at least he’s higher than Redwing.
But the fact I almost completely skipped his stories in the Supergirl retrospective should tell you a lot.
28-Comet (Supergirl)
He very nearly breaks the “no couples” rule. More than once. But in horse form he does act as Supergirl’s sidekick a couple of times, even if he doesn’t do much. Doesn’t get any higher than this since nearly all characters consider him as just a pet.
27-Jim Wilson (Hulk)
The Hulk’s often forgotten second sidekick. I’m cheating a bit since his position as a Silver Age sidekick is questionable at best, but since it’s very hard to decide when the Hulk leaves the Silver Age I’m including him.
He does have a personality, but unfortunately he doesn’t do much. No wonder he was be forgotten for decades and returned only to be killed off (although in a good story).
Did you even remember that he’s Falcon’s nephew? They BARELY interact!
26-Snapper Carr (Justice League)
He will grow into an interesting character waaaaay later, but in the Silver Age he’s incredibly annoying.
25-Etta Candy (Wonder Woman)
Wonder Woman’s heterosexual life partner kind of acts like the series comic relief, but she gets involved with so many absurdly over-the-top shenanigans that she stands out.
24-Jimmy Olsen (Superman)
World’s Finest explicitly treats him like Superman’s equivalent to Robin.
He still sucks.
23-Tom “Pieface” Kalmaku (Green Lantern)
You would think they would end up with racist tropes more often with him, but he’s mostly safe. Points for being a non-powered sidekick who is trusted enough to be told the hero’s secret identity!
Mid tier: generic sidekicks
These are the hardest to rank because they’re virtually interchangeable. In fact I’m sure I’m leaving out at least one important sidekick.
22-Wing (Crimson Avenger)
In addition to having no personality, he’s also burdened with Asian stereotypes.
21-Sandy (Sandman)
He puts ME to sleep.
20-Aquagirl (Aquaman)
19-Aqualad (Aquaman)
Admittedly I’m not familiar with A LOT of Silver Age Aquaman stories… but Aqualad is just plain insufferable in those I’ve read and he’s barely visible in Teen Titans. Aquagirl is even more generic.
18-Tim (Black Terror)
17-Toro (Human Torch)
16-Speedy (Green Arrow)
The carbon copies of their respective hero. At least Speedy will turn out to be a GREAT character later on, but he’s also booster for being somewhat interesting in Teen Titans. Toro has no such luck, since he doesn’t belong to a team that gets any serious screen time. And Tim is just… well he’s Tim.
15-Bucky (Captain America)
Most of the others in this category are blatantly trying to copy Robin, and I feel like Bucky is the closest one to doing it right.
But I honestly can’t rank him any higher when considering only Golden Age stories, since his personality is still very generic.
As a character I would probably rank Speedy higher, but as a sidekick he doesn’t fulfill the role as well as Bucky does.
High tier: generic sidekicks with a gimmick
14-Gaggy (Joker)
Supervillain sidekicks are very rare, especially in the Silver Age. So at least Gaggy has THAT for being memorable.
Now please go back to ignoring him.
13-Golden Girl (Captain America)
12-Sun Girl (Human Torch)
You know what’s also rare? Golden Age female sidekicks to male heroes who are not their love interest!
Sure their personality doesn’t go past “girl”, but at least that’s something to stand out.
They will get their spot in the hero retrospective.
11-Guardian (Newsboy Legion)
10-Stripesy (Star-Spangled Kid)
The only to heroes to have the distinction of being adult sidekicks to kid protagonists.
Technically speaking Guardian is SUPPOSED to be the main lead, but he’s not fooling anyone.
9-Lieutenant Marvels (Captain Marvel)
Fat Marvel, Hill Marvel and Tall Marvel… yes those are their codenames… get dangerously close to comedic sidekicks, but they DO share Captain Marvel’s powers.
8-Proty I (Chameleon Boy)
7-Proty II (Legion of Super-Heroes)
I can barely stand these two, but I have to mention them.
I may despise how the original Proty completely overshadows Chameleon Boy, but that’s not something most sidekicks can claim.
His successor goes even beyond that, accomplishing the creation of the Legion of Super-Pets!
Which doesn’t really go anywhere, but he’s trying.
6-Firefly (Killer Moth)
Bonus point for being a rare supervillain sidekick AND overshadowing the villain!
Top tier: actual sidekicks with a personality
5-Krypto (Superboy)
The fact that a dog manages to overshadow most of the competition should tell you everything about my general opinion of sidekicks and dogs.
4-Falcon (Captain America)
He quickly grows to being considered an equal to the title character. To the point that the series is officially titled “Captain America And The Falcon” for a while.
A complex character, even if it takes him a while to get there. Most of the growth comes AFTER the Silver Age, though, which seriously hurts his ranking.
3-Rick Jones (Hulk, Captain America, Avengers)
The trifecta of being an interesting sidekick not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES in the Silver Age alone!
If we were counting later stories, he would probably top the list. Not just in the number of heroes he’s been the sidekick of (I would had to add Captain Marvel and Rom, and debatably a second Captain Marvel too), but because he legit becomes one of my favorite comic book characters.
But in the Silver Age proper… he doesn’t stick to Captain America too long and he’s inconsistent with the Avengers.
2-Kid Flash (Flash)
This is what happens when you do a “little copy of the main hero” but remember to give him plenty of personality. Even if it did take him a while to get it.
1-Robin (Batman)
Do I even have to say anything?
There’s a reason why SO MANY of the above try to copy him.
Just to give you an idea of just how much he beats the competition: he got his first personal series in 1947, when most of the above either disappeared or wouldn’t be created until decades later.
When it comes to superhero sidekicks, there’s Robin and then there’s everyone else.
I’d personally rate Doiby Dickles at or near the top of the comedy sidekick tree, because I’m sure he picked up a wrench and fought alongside GL more than once, plus he survives to the Silver Age and marries an alien “princeress”. That, and I loathe Woozy Winks with every fibre of my being.
Do the Subs perhaps count as sidekicks to the Legion?
A bit of a stretch, since they’re not regularly there. But if I had to count them, they wold certainly be in the top five.