Legion of Super-Heroes v4 #12-15

Legion of Super-Heroes v4 #12 (1990)
written by Keith Giffen, Tom & Mary Bierbaum, Al Gordon
Pencils and cover by Keith Giffen

The title is appropriate, since the Legion officially reforms.

We begin with Brainiac 5 being sad about being unable to save either Celeste Rockfish or Ultra Boy. The latter isn’t even really dead, he just disappeared in an explosion and Brainy doesn’t question that.
Have I mentioned just how I despise this interpretation of Brainiac 5 yet?

Chameleon Boy is confirmed to have survived, but he’s going around in a Time Trapper cosplay.
Considering the Time Trapper IS involved in this series (in his own way), couldn’t they at least TRY to distinguish Chameleon Boy visually???
Of course this look is not coming out of nowhere, since it’s how the Durlans presented themselves during Invasion!, and it won’t be the last time.
The difference is that whenever this look is used, ESPECIALLY in a Legion story, they at least add some visible tentacles here and there. But here, he just looks like the Time Trapper.

It really says something about just how broken the Legion was that Chameleon Boy is SHOCKED that people listened to Cosmic Boy when sent them on a mission.
But indeed the Legion is back; we just need to officialize it.

Back to Celeste Rockfish… who I once again need to stress HASN’T DONE ANYTHING YET… is having flashbacks to her origin story.
She’s the cousin of Leland McCauley III, the rival of R.J.Brande first seen in Adventure Comics #374 and who we haven’t seen since Volume 3 #13.
That means that in order to get this reference you would need to remember a minor appearance from 5 years earlier. Even worse, I don’t think this relationship is even all that important.

More importantly, the flashback informs us that Celeste once found a dead Green Lantern.
That’s it.
The whole reason why she’s going to have the SLIGHTEST relevance.
Aren’t you glad we devoted so much time to her plot?

Speaking of people who HAVEN’T DONE ANYTHING, Devlin O’Ryan is still around.
And just like EVERYBODY ELSE IN THIS BOOK, he doesn’t give a crap about the fact that Timber Wolf is nowhere to be seen.

Kono, who I remind you is a character we BARELY know, has more faith in Ultra Boy’s survival than Brainiac 5.
Have I mentioned just how I despise this interpretation of Brainiac 5 yet?

The weird green energy that slooooowly approached the planet in the previous issues is finally here, and Kono is the only one in a rush to discover what’s up with it.
Despite Brainiac 5’s protestations (have I mentioned… you know) she’s actually the most qualified to do this, because in case you forgot Kono can turn intangible.

What the team discovers is a totally necessary splash page featuring Celeste Rockfish in a green light.

Timber Wolf has turned back into his old self, but the comic is not interested in following him.

Speaking of scenes that don’t go anywhere, Ultra Boy is still missing AND on another planet.

The Legionnaires are FINALLY making some ground looking for Roxxas, using a team that includes Lightning Lass, Element Lad and Shrinking Violet.

Not content with having turned into a Joker wannabe, Roxxas is now cosplaying as Two-Face.

Once the team gets to Roxxas, he just nukes them with a bomb he got from the Dominators!!!
I do not want to know where he was keeping THAT.

Or I guess it’s all just in his head?
Because immediately afterwards, he just mumbles incoherently and passes out without any of the Legionnaires acknowledging the scene.

But yes, FINALLY Roxxas has been captured… and there’s even an acknowledgement of how he used to look like. I would give props to the Legion for capturing him, but he just collapsed without a fight.
Also: Element Lad, the guy from the planet that Roxxas slaughtered, DIDN’T HAVE THE SLIGHTEST IMPACT ON HIS PLOT.

The big news, however, is the public acknowledgment that Roxxas was hired by Earth’s government, which is under Dominator control.

Even bigger news: the Legion is officially back as a team.
With terrible costumes, but hey, baby steps.

This is celebrated by an uninspired splash page.

But it’s also followed by the introduction of a new Legionnaire: Kent Shakespeare, who we first see fighting Persuader.

All under the watch of the former Colossal Boy, who is currently a Science Police officer.

Not really the best introduction for Kent.

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Speaking of Kent Shakespear, I might as well explain his deal since this series REFUSES TO EXPLAIN ANYTHING, EVER.
He’s just Diet Superman.
That’s it.

The original idea was that he was a descendant of Superman (a perfectly reasonable idea for traditional DC – lots of Legion characters were descendants, and there was even a well-established Superman descendent, Laurel Kent). But the Superman people quite appropriately felt that … firmly establishing that Superman would have any offspring at all was something beyond what the Legion series should be doing. But between the name of the character and his Clark Kent-ish appearance, certainly readers could guess that he was a descendent.
TOM BIERBAUM

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The first text page is quite funny: it’s an internal memo from Brande Industries about the new costumes, with Chameleon Boy’s reply crapping on all their decisions.

We also have an in-universe description of Persuader. Is this the first time we learn his real name?

The Grid: 19 pages out of 24
no pages with an imperfect grid
no pages without a perfect grid
3 splash pages
2 text pages

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We are legion
The Legion is officially re-formed, plus I’m adding Kent Shakespeare as a resigned member.
He’s not back in the team YET though, and neither is Colossal Boy.
I’m also not counting Timber Wolf or Ultra Boy as active members yet, since they’re lost.
But I am including Kono, since for all intents and purposes she’s a Legionnaire now.

That leaves the current roster to 7 active members:
-Chameleon Boy
-Cosmic Boy
-Brainiac 5
-Element Lad
-Lightning Lass
-Kono
-Shrinking Violet

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Legion of Super-Heroes v4 #13 (1990)
written by Keith Giffen, Tom & Mary Bierbaum, Al Gordon
pencils and cover by Keith Giffen

With the Legion back, time to figure out “the state of the universe” indeed.

Kent Shakespeare is getting a little better at this hero thing.

Among the civilians that Kent is protecting there’s Ivy, a new character that won’t really go anywhere but that will stick around for a while.

Eventually Kent is able to arrest Persuader, with the help of Not Colossal Anymore Boy.

The fallout caused by the revelation of the Roxxas plot continues, with the Dominators using Circe to continue manipulating Sun Boy.

Turns out that Persuader was hired by a new Starfinger, and even Plot Convenience News can’t figure out why.

Meanwhile Ultra Boy is continuing his very uninteresting adventure…

…by getting some locals murdered. Our hero, ladies and gentlemen!

Kent Shakespeare has decided to get back to the Legion. Is he supposed to look:
A) sad?
B) bored?
C) constipated?
D) stuck in a comic book that doesn’t know what to do with him?

Laurel Gand also decides to return. I completely forgot she has a daughter.

Can someone PLEASE do something interesting so I don’t fall asleep trying to read this!?
Matter-Eater Lad is the only thing in this era that allows me to maintain a modicum of sanity.

After the buildup from the previous issue, Celeste Rockfish STILL HASN’T DONE ANYTHING.
Except maybe turning green… OFF-SCREEN.

I’m lost, do any of the Legionnaire know “Furball” is Timber Wolf at this point? Or just the currently missing Ultra Boy?

We also get a tearful moment between Shrinking Violet and Cosmic Boy, with the former working through her guilt of having committed war crimes during the war between their planets.
This should have been a powerful scene… but it comes TWELVE ISSUES after we learned about the war, and it’s BARELY been addressed since. So yet another plot that falls completely flat for me, and I’m guessing I would have liked even less if I had to wait a year for this.

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In the text pages we learn the “state of the universe” promised on the cover.
Turns out the Khunds control a third of it, slightly less is unorganized, and the United Planets are just a fourth of the known universe.
This isn’t bad worldbuilding, but I hate that it’s relegated to the text pages. During the Levitz era, this would have been addressed by a caption or two, but here we waste a whole page.

It wasn’t clear to me that Earth had left the United Planets.
AT ALL.

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After the text pages we have basically a whole other story.
Which starts either with Glorith having a vision or by enjoying herself in ways the Comics Code wouldn’t show.

This introduces what we already saw in the Annual: Glorith is the new Time Trapper.
This story is set earlier than the Annual, but it was published later.

The original Time Trapper is BARELY holding up, and Glorith absorbs his power.

It should be noted there’s ANOTHER change in the editors, after Mark Waid left just a few issues ago. It couldn’t have happened at a worst time, because this book DESPERATELY needs a consistent editor.

The Grid: 23 pages out of 25
no pages with an imperfect grid
no pages without a perfect grid
no splash pages
2 text pages

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Legion of Super-Heroes v4 #14 (1990)
plot and dialogue by Tom & Mary Bierbaum
story assist, pencils and cover by Keith Giffen

Please Matter-Eater Lad, you’re my only hope!

We’re off to a great start, because we begin with MEL being kidnapped by none other than Prince Evillo, from the absolutely bonkers Adventure Comics #350.

Who has married Saturn Queen of the original Legion of Super-Villains, of all people.

How bad is the situation for the United Planets at this point?
They admitted Evillo’s planet as a full member.

You no idea how happy I am that MEL points out that Evillo’s “Devil’s Dozen” DOESN’T HAVE A DOZEN MEMBERS. It was driving me nuts reading their first story.

The reason why Evillo kidnapped a Legionnaire is also kind of funny… it’s a gift for his crazy daughters, Stiletta and Styx.

In Ultra Boy’s profoundly uninteresting plot, he escapes Khund territory for Dominion territory.
He doesn’t even seem to notice none of the Dominators have their usual red disks on their foreheads.

Mercifully we go back to MEL, who tries to figure out what’s going on with Saturn Queen.

MEL also has to deal with Evillo trying to get handsy with Calorie Queen (who is currently MEL’s assistant), forgetting that she has super-strength.

Evillo is a joke, but he’s not harmless: when his horns grow back, he teleports MEL…

…into the infernal dungeons of his realm.

This is where Keith Giffen goes into his trademark blend of deeply dark humor and utter lunacy.
From the Valley of Lost Souls, where I guess souls are trapped in candles…

…to the fact that prisoners are given shackles that can MELT THEIR FACES OFF…

…to the utterly incomprehensible, like a giant infernal bagpipe.

Yeah, uhm… this is a bit too much Giffen.

MEL has convinced Sugyn (one of the Devil’s Not Dozen) to help. And the way to get rid of the shackles was just to eat them.

He then convinces Sugyn to use his super-lungs to blow out the candle that takes them back to Evillo’s palace… SOMEHOW.

Giffen’s humor is hit-or-miss for me: he can be truly hilarious or not get even the slightest chuckle out of me. This is the latter.

I typically like dark humor, but his depiction of Evillo’s dungeon went SO dark that I don’t find it hilarious to see the rotten corpses of his prisoners rain on his palace…

…no matter how many ex-wives jokes Giffen throws at this.

In the end, Polar Boy remains on Evillo’s planet to be a teacher to his daughters (WHY???), Matter-Eater Lad’s place as a Senator for his planet is taken by Calorie Queen, and MEL is ready to return to the Legion.

A new Legion headquarters is established on planet Talus, which is a reference to Action Comics #386.

The text page informs us that it’s going to need a lot of work.

The Grid: 15 pages out of 24
6 pages without a grid
2 splash pages
1 text page

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Legion of Super-Heroes v4 #15 (1990)
plot and dialogue by Tom & Mary Bierbaum
story assist and cover by Keith Giffen
pencils by Brandon Peterson & Keith Giffen

The cover promises that SOMETHING is going to happen! That would be something unusual for this run.

Brainiac 5 deduces that the explosion created by Roxxas didn’t kill Ultra Boy, but sent him into the past.
SOMEHOW.
No seriously, HOW!? The Dominators gave Roxxas a weapon that could send Legionnaires into the past… and he didn’t use it until he was put into a corner!?
Other sources tell us that Roxxas used a “chronal howitzer” he was given by the Dominators to do this, something that comes ABSOLUTELY OUT OF NOWHERE.
As does Brainy obsessing over Rond Vidar. I mean, to be honest it’s not AS out of nowhere… it’s just because in this continuity Rond married Laurel Kent and Brainy had a crush on her… which WE HAVE BARELY SEEN.

The Legion keeps adjusting to the new headquarters. The place was gifted to them by Lightning Lad, and I think Kono just found Saturn Girl’s sex toys.

Meanwhile the Khunds invade Orando, where apparently Projectra is back as queen and Colossal Boy’s mother is acting as a minister from Earth.
Wait… wasn’t Orando supposed to be stuck in another universe after Volume 3? WE HAD A WHOLE PLOT ABOUT THIS!!!

The invasion is a massacre, not just because the Khunds are formidable soldiers but also because they deploy their super-chemical weapon, the Red Terror.

Volume 3 sometimes went a little overboard hyping Projectra, but this is going in the opposite direction FAST.

Guys, I’ve just realized… WE FINALLY HAVE A PLOT!!!
The Legion has been so thoroughly obsessed twiddling its thumbs that I’m moved by the fact that STUFF IS FINALLY HAPPENING.

A quick look at our current team. Aren’t you glad we ditched the costumes for those ugly uniforms?

The reformed Legion agrees to figure out what’s going on, starting with Chameleon Boy going back to his Espionage Squad days.

All while the rest of the Legion fights the Khunds…

…with Shrinking Violet being seriously injured.

It’s so bad that she’s going to lose the leg.

You know, since you’re dealing with a chemical superweapon, couldn’t you ASK ELEMENT LAD TO HELP!? You have his number, right!?

The mission is ultimately a failure.

One of the targeted worlds is the current location of the Legion Academy, where Formerly Duo Damsel and Bouncing Boy are still teaching… and fighting the United Planets attempting to recruit young heroes that are not ready for it.

Nightwind has a completely pointless death when the Khunds invade.

Another target is Shadow Lass’s world, which she’s going to protect with Mon-El (who is now going by Valor).
And honestly I have absolutely no idea whether this is supposed to be when Mon-El recovers from the injuries he sustained in the Annual.

If you’re amazed by the fact that stuff is actually happening… don’t worry, we go back to the Ultra Boy plot.
Where he SOMEHOW deduced that he’s been sent 5,000 years into the past.

The idea of having the hero lost in time is not a bad one, but WHAT IS IT DOING HERE? Considering we already have a hundred other different ongoing plots!?

And we close the issue with Sun Boy being manipulated by Circe into… I don’t know, join her in her Smurfs fetish? WTF is happening in this scene!?

The text page narrates the marriage between Shadow Lad and Lady Memory.
Riveting stuff, I’m sure.

The Grid: 7 pages out of 25
17 pages without a grid
no splash pages
1 text page

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And that’s a wrap on the 1990 stories.
Can you tell I’m in a rush to get out of this era as fast as I possibly can?

Legion significance
#12: 1/10
Just barely anything by introducing and giving powers to Celeste Rockfish. Who, I forgot to mention, STILL HASN’T DONE ANYTHING.
#13: 10/10
It’s the basis of Glorith’s return. Technically speaking you could just read the Annual… but this one is shorter, so you’ll suffer less.
#14: 2/10
It’s fondly remembered by the fandom, but really its only contribution is the eventual sequel in #49.
#15: 10/10
Shrinking Violet’s injury will be very important, but it also has the roots of the most catastrophic event of this era.

Silver Age-ness: 0/10
Only the Evillo insanity might have increased it, but it’s waaaaay too dark.

Depression scale
#12: 2/10
Roxxas is defeated and the Legion is back, so that’s something…
#13: 7/10
…but the Legion doesn’t seem to have much of a positive impact on the universe, which is still terrible. AND they’re still Glorith puppets.
#14: 10/10
Evillo’s planet is the stuff of nightmares, as is the fact that THIS GUY is allowed to lead a full member of the United Planets.
#15: 6/10
Despite the brutal war that doesn’t spare innocent lives or heroes, the Legion is back in business doing SOMETHING.

Does it stand the test of time?
#12: 0/10
The Roxxas storyline sucked and they STILL botched the finale. Even the Legion’s return, which should feel like a triumph, is a resounding meh.
#13: 0/10
One of the most boring Legion stories I have ever seen.
#14: 6/10
This makes me sad, as I had fonder memories of this one… but in retrospect, I was considering it together with the vastly superior #11. The dissonance between MEL’s humor and the bleak darkness is deliberate, but it didn’t work for me.
#15: 7/10
Words cannot express how happy I am about having an actual plot AND not having to deal with The Grid for a huge part of it. The Ultra Boy Show and a few pointless interludes are really all that bring it down for me.

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We are legion
With Laurel, “Furball” and Kent Shakespeare returning to active duty, we end this batch with the count:

10 active Legionnaires
0 reserve members
35 resigned members
11 deceased members
56 people have been members
51 people have been rejected

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Interesting letters: readers really didn’t like the absurd amount of Laurel Kent fanservice.

The same letter also complains about calling Mon-El with the codename Valor or by his rarely-used-before-5YL real name of Lar Gand.
Considering I’ve been consistently calling him Mon-El regardless, you already know I agree with Strick. But he also proposes multiple options to keep the name Mon-El.

The Bierbaums reject the idea that this is sexist. I also didn’t like the letter writer calling Laurel a slut in another point of the letter, but COME ON, they REALLY didn’t think they were sexist!?

Also, the letters page continues to be passive-aggressive towards any kind of criticism.
It’s not like Supergirl didn’t sell because readers were not interested in her… Supergirl didn’t sell because YOU DIDN’T GIVE HER A BOOK AND REMOVED HER FROM CONTINUITY.

An interesting thing I’ve found is that most of the readers saying they have no trouble following a story are new readers introduced to the Legion by the 5YL era, while a lot of older fans are completely lost.
But I have to completely disagree with Jim about the problem.
“Suspense” is not knowing what is GOING to happen in a story. The problem I have with this series is that I can’t understand WHAT IS CURRENTLY GOING ON, which is completely different thing.

Scott brings up something that makes me appreciate the Reboot origin over a lot of the other versions: why exactly do you “need” Superboy to be the one to inspire the Legion?
Can’t they just be inspired by Superman or by the 20th century heroes in general?

Some readers pray The Grid by making a comparison to Watchmen, something I’ve already analyzed to be a superficial reading. But I also have to completely disagree with Terry on the idea that having more panels means we get more story, because the amount of pages this series wastes accomplishing barely anything is infuriating.

However it’s apparent that the majority of readers hated The Grid and Timber Wolf’s transformation. Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever heard a Legion fan praise the Furball thing.

Issue 14 has one of the most brutal letters I’ve ever seen published.

Especially this part from the same letter. It’s probably using a harsher tone than I would have used, but I also found an undertone of contempt towards long-time readers (which is bizarre to say the least considering the writers ARE long-time readers).

And I think the Bierbaums are missing the point entirely. Because I really don’t think the letter writer is ONLY talking about the Chameleon Boy and Ultra Boy fakeouts.

Another point of contention with the readers was skipping the codenames.

The same letter points out that Giffen’s current style is not helping, AT ALL.

A few of the questions I didn’t raise for the Annual.

Speaking of the Annual: a lot of readers pointed out the absurdity of Superboy showing up for a panel. The answer from the Bierbaums tells me that NOBODY HAS ANY IDEA OF WHAT THEY ARE DOING.

A point that I did forget to mention when reviewing the Annual was that Duo Damsel’s role in the Conspiracy no longer made any sense without Superboy.
The answer is also a complete mess, because A) no, you didn’t show her having a crush on Mon-El B) YOU’RE THE WRITERS, YOU SHOULD KNOW WHY YOUR CHARACTERS DO STUFF!!!

As critical as I am of this book, I must commend them for publishing negative letters.
But the fact that they’re keeping score of how many were positive suggests me they’re a bit resentful of the negative ones.