Action Comics #410

Action Comics #410 (1972)
by Cary Bates & Curt Swan
cover by Nick Cardy

After a couple of historically important Superman stories, let’s return to the other qualification to be included in this retrospective: being one of the dumbest stories you’ll ever read.

We begin in Metropolis, where someone has poisoned a fountain.

Superman deals with the poison, which has definitely nothing to do with his son being around.

But before we can learn what’s this all about, ninjas attack. Thank God.

Superman’s son doesn’t have powers, so he continues the family tradition of throwing anything into space.

Superman DOES have powers, but he’s fighting those guys with Awkward Karate because… I’ve got nothing.
It might have something to do with them being programmed to “destoy” him.

These are actually androids build by a criminal scientist. Who is not Lex Luthor, because he wisely decided to avoid appearing in this story.

Ah yes, the little known fifth deadliest weakness of Superman.
1) Kryptonite
2) Red sun radiation
3) Magic
4) Writers whose IQ drops by 50% whenever they write Superman
5) “Cosma Torches”

We learn that Superman ditched his secret identity 10 years ago, when his son was born.
That’s right, this is both a Cary Bates Superman story AND an Imaginary Tale! Always a recipe for disaster.

The reason why Superman no longer has a secret identity is that he needs the time to raise his son on his own, since the mother died in childbirth.

Also there is a base on the Moon. The story is set in 1984 but published in 1972; I know there was a lot of enthusiasm for the space race, but was it really normal to believe that in TWELVE YEARS there would be something like this on the Moon?

Superman barely saves the base from a weird disaster. Once again, it’s a complete coincidence that his son is around as this happens.

Could Superman’s son be *gasp* evil?

So, uhm, far from me to criticize Curt Swan, but… if the panel is supposed to show the son has a “wicked and distorted” face, shouldn’t we get a closeup?

Turns out that those weren’t rocks coming out of the Moon, they were pieces of a white dwarf star.

I cannot even BEGIN to explain how this makes absolutely no sense whatsoever if you know ANYTHING about what a white dwarf even is.

(necessary disclaimer: the above is a fake answer. I hate being in a timeline where I have to specify.)

Not that this comic is looking for scientific realism, considering that Superman’s solution is to MOVE THE MOON OUT OF THE WAY.

Superman takes the time to reminisce about his dead wife.
You’d expect her to be Lois or Lana, but nope: meet Krysalla.
Who I’m pretty sure Superman just wanted to marry in order for her to become Krysalla Kent.
(also: still two Ls in her name)

And she’s a witch! Because sure, at this point why not.

Wait wait wait. You didn’t tell her you’re Superman until AFTER she told you she’s a witch!?
So not only you kept your identity as a secret when you married her, but you ALSO didn’t tell her once you learned she was pregnant!?
Superman, no matter the decade you’re still just. The. Worst.

And say goodbye to Krysalla, because those are her only scenes.

Even Superman can’t ignore all these coincidences about his son, so he decides to test him.

Thanks to this machine, the kid confesses that he was the one to poison Metropolis and attempt to destroy the lunar base.

Among other fun activities.

Human witch + Kryptonian = Satan
Sounds legit.

There is a quick solution for this.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, is when the story turns absolutely bonkers.
Yes.
NOW.
Because there are TWO kids!!!

That’s right: Superman’s son had AN INVISIBLE EVIL TWIN.

There is a quick solution for this.

Superman dispatches the androids, but he’s too slow to avoid them from mortally wounding his evil child. Despite being, you know, FASTER THAN TIME.

But that’s okay, because the non-evil twin is just fine.

That will be a heck of an explanation.
“You see my son, you actually had an invisible twin evil brother, but that’s okay: I let a couple of androids kill him in front of my eyes. No I don’t need to take any medication, I’m Superman”.

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Historical significance: 0/10

Silver Age-ness: 3∞/10
As in three times infinity out of ten. I think it’s warranted by the INVISIBLE EVIL TWIN alone! Amazingly, that’s not even the worst offender.

Does it stand the test of time? 0/10
  

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Bonus: there is another Cary Bates story where… uhm…

…well…

…maybe one crazy story is enough for the day.

Although it does include the little known fact that X-Rays can make bones glow through the skin.