JIMMY OLSEN 84 (1965)
“Jimmy Olsen’s Monster Movie!” by Jerry Siegel & Curt Swan
“Jimmy Olsen’s Female Fan!” by Otto Binder & George Papp
Somehow I don’t think this is the “King Kong vs Godzilla” we wanted.
Writing and directing a movie is easy: you just have to sit next to a producer.
Sure, let’s give all the money to a guy with no experience in any of this who immediately casts his girlfriend in the lead role even if she’s not an actress. What could possibly go wrong?
But at least the rest of the cast will have professional actors, right? Right?
But it’s okay because he has access to REALITY WARPING WEAPONS.
They film in a tropical island. I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt, 1965, at least TRY not to be racist this time okay?
This movie is going to make “Plan 9 From Outer Space” look like Citizen Kane, isn’t it?
At least the special effects will be cheap because Jimmy already has access to so many transformations.
Okay, 1965, you’re starting to win me over with those natives. Good job.
Since Jimmy isn’t scary enough, he opts to summon a GIANT RADIOACTIVE MONKEY.
Unfortunately Titano has never been scary, so using him for a horror movie was a mistake.
No problem! We can endanger everyone with a SPACE DRAGON.
How can “Radioactive Giant Monkey vs Space Dragon” be so lame!?!?
It looks like the audience will be spared from watching this movie…
…but unfortunately Superman knew that Jimmy would mess this up.
Who would watch that awful movie? Probably the Jimmy Olsen Fan Club, the stars of the second story.
A new member wants to join the club. I’m not exactly surprised that nobody who willingly joins a Jimmy Olsen Fan Club has never seen a girl.
The first test (that they obviously make up on the spot) is to gather a few snakes and frogs, but it goes exactly as you’d imagine.
The next test is to have a bow tie. Clearly this is a very exclusive club.
Okay I’ll admit, this was actually kind of funny.
It’s time to choose the new leader of the club, which is decided by “who kisses Jimmy’s butt better than anyone else”.
Of course Jimmy’s first though is “she’s leadership material” instead of “she’s a crazy stalker”.
Activities of the Jimmy Olsen Fan Club include worshipping his every move.
And cosplay as him.
You also have to pray to the wax statues of lesser gods: Jimmy’s friends.
This proves that Jackie *choke* isn’t actually a girl!
Because a girl can’t learn how to fix a necktie and can’t find out the name of a barber? WTF!?!?
As you might have imagined, “Jackie” is actually Jimmy Olsen in drag.
I almost wondered if Jimmy has girly legs, but then I realized nobody from his fan club has ever seen a girl that close.
Historical significance: 0/10
Obviously Titano would be used again, because why throw away a concept that never seems to work, but this is entirely forgettable
Silver Age-ness
First story: 10/10
Only in the Silver Age can something like “this gun can teleport things across time and space” be used in a throwaway story like this.
Second story: 2/10
Harmless fluff.
Does it stand the test of time?
First story: 0/10
I bet the actual movie would be a blast, but the story itself is kind of meh.
Second story: 5/10
I can see this being adapted into a sitcom. Not a very good one, but still.
Stupid Jimmy Olsen moment
First story: shooting a movie without a script and casting only non-actors can potentially be a great idea, if it’s not directed by Jimmy Olsen.
Second story: look there’s nothing wrong if Jimmy wants to dress like a woman, but having a fan club worshipping him like that… yeeesh.