ADVENTURE COMICS 371 (1968)
“The Colossal Failure!” by Jim Shooter & Curt Swan
“When Superboy Walked Out on the Legion!” by unknown & George Papp
cover by Neal Adams
Curt Swan ends his run as the regular Legion artist with this two-parter, and the cover isn’t even about his story!
This is also the first story to focus on Colossal Boy, who so far has had pretty much nothing to do.
It’s also the first time we see his parents; his mother will become very important, even becoming President of the United Planets MUCH later.
With the excuse of filming an interview, the bad guys turn the parents into glass. (!!!)
We also have a guarantee about their safety. Remember this detail.
They’re blackmailing Colossal Boy because they want information about the Legion’s training, but it turns out it’s not that simple.
To save his parents, Colossal Boy has to infiltrate the Legion Academy… and to do that he has to fail at his job.
The way to do it is to fail to capture some underwater thieves.
Ultra Boy is the new Legion leader, and the fact that he’s apparently very strict plays to Colossal Boy’s advantage.
The Legion training apparently includes some gladiator fighting, as demonstrated by new applicant Chemical King.
Colossal Boy has super-strength when he’s not giant-sized. That’s not a thing in most other stories.
Bouncing Boy, currently working as the Legion Academy’s instructor, knows that something is up.
Brainiac 5 and Saturn Girl are not particularly helpful.
Bouncing Boy, the world’s greatest detective!
This gets Colossal Boy prosecuted for treason.
His defense isn’t exactly the best.
Colossal Boy is expelled from the Legion, and it’s already the end!!!
Well that was unusually short. Moving on to the cover story, which begins with everyone in Smallville falling asleep.
It turns out that it’s because of aliens who want to recruit Superboy for their super-team.
Not sure if they’re actually superheroes, though.
Superboy tells them to wait until he’s used a Clark Kent robot to cover his secret identity, and that’s when the Legion shows up.
That’s the scene from the cover story… but it’s a later addition!
This story is actually a reprint from Superboy #101 (yes, the issue where Krypto gets a sex change), but they added those two panels to make it look like it had anything to do with the Legion!
Superboy helps the aliens recruit other super-heroes, from Liquidman…
…to Stormboy, Tree-Man and Shadowman…
…to Telepathy Man. WHO DOES NOT HAVE TELEPATHY.
The aliens bring everyone to their “Super-World”, where there is no Kryptonite.
Not only that, but none of the members of the Legion of Lame Heroes have any weakness here!
Except for, you know, being unbelievably lame.
The hero who performs the most ridiculous feat will be declared king of the planet.
Superboy has it covered.
But of course ONE ridiculous feat isn’t enough for Superboy!
Then the heroes begin fighting Superboy…
…the aliens figure out that these guys are too much trouble to have around…
…but of course it was all just a trick, these guys were too lame to really fight.
Legion significance:
First story: 2/10
Colossal Boy gets some much-needed exposure and the second part will have some impact, but you can basically skip this one.
Second story: 0/10
Considering it was never a Legion story to begin with…
Silver Age-ness:
First story: 1/10
Too short to have enough insanity going on.
Second story: 10/10
Superboy creates a satellite castle! Telepathy Man doesn’t actually have telepathy!
Does it stand the test of time?
First story: 5/10
Well-written and well-paced, but there isn’t enough time to really do anything interesting.
Second story: 0/10
I’ve seen worse Superboy stories, but not by much.
We are legion
24 Legionnaires
2 reserve members: Kid Psycho, Insect Queen
3 honorary members: Elastic Lad, Pete Ross, Rond Vidar
1 resigned member: Command Kid
1 expelled member: Nemesis Kid
2 deceased members: Dynamo Boy, Ferro Lad
How much Legion is too much?
The total number of characters who have been members is 33.