Adventure Comics 306

ADVENTURE COMICS 306 (1963)
by Edmond Hamilton and John Forte

This is the start of the incredibly important, and incredibly odd, long series of issues by science fiction writer Edmond Hamilton.
And appropriately enough it starts with the introduction of one of his most beloved creation, the Legion of Substitute Heroes.

This is when the book will start to get some consistency, although strangely enough we are once again in the 21st century.

We continue to see that the Legion is idolized by a ridiculous amount, with the streets of Metropolis full of statues of Legionnaires.

It’s auditions time again!
First up: Polar Boy, with the power to create coldness.
And make blankets appear out of nowhere, apparently.

You might expect him to come from a cold planet. But Hamilton has an interesting twist: he comes from an incredibly hot planet.
It makes sense: why would someone living on an icy planet need the power to create ice?

It’s a very useful power! But the Legion rejects him anyway.
The reason given, that he MIGHT freeze them at a critical moment, is monumentally dumb.
We will later be told that Polar Boy was actually rejected because he couldn’t control his powers properly, which makes a lot more sense.

He takes it… not very well.

But he’s not the only reject of the day. Later he bonds with another rejected member, Night Girl, who is rejected despite her super-strength…

…because her powers don’t work during the day.

That’s reasonable, but I personally feel like she was rejected because of THAT CREEPY OWL ON HER COSTUME.

They eventually decide to form a team together with other rejects, to form the Legion of Substitute Heroes.

And who are the others?
Fire Lad, who can spit fire.

Much like Polar Boy, the reason to reject him is bulls#it and will be retconned to be his lack of control over his powers.

Then there’s Stone Boy, with the power to turn into solid rock!
Not like the Thing, though. Once he transforms into his rock form, he can’t move.
He can’t do anything, really.
No need to create a retcon to justify his rejection.

Then there’s Chlorophyll Kid, with the power to make plants grow faster!

I feel bad for the other three for being put in the same team of Stone Boy and Chlorophyll Kid.
Night Girl has a rather crippling weakness and the other two have their problems… but at least they can DO something useful!!!

I mean, even when they strike a pose and demonstrate their powers when they recite their pledge… Stone Boy IS JUST STANDING THERE. Because it’s the most exciting thing he can do.

And they create their headquarters… in a rock.
Just… a giant rock with nothing special about it.

All they can do is look at the Legion’s mission through a Space Monitor ™, waiting for someone to call for their help.

Which they never do.

And I mean never.

By now it’s pretty clear that there’s no point to this team, and so the Substitutes decide to disband.

Or they WOULD, if Chlorophyll Kid didn’t somehow make things worse.

Just kidding: he actually accidentally discovered a real menace.

While the real Legion is busy fighting robots on the other side of the planet, the Subs (as the team will be affectionately nicknamed) find out that there’s an entirely separate menace lurking nearby.

That should be their chance to shine.
Stone Boy! Use your power to be completely useless to distract them!

Okay, while they’re distracted… Night Girl, use your super-strength to break into their fortress!

Or not.

Polar Boy, Fire Lad, be useful!

Or not.
You guys are the fu##ing worst.
Who is supposed to save the day, Chlorophyll Kid!?

FREAKIN’ CHLOROPHYLL KID!!!

The Subs have won! They’ll be celebrated as heroes now!

Or not.

Well… they tried.

At least they’re good sports about it!

 

Legion significance: 8/10
The Subs will instantly be a hit with Legion fans and will continue their careers as lovable losers. Night Girl and Polar Boy will become important supporting characters and will gain significant characterization, while the others will remain comic relief.

Silver Age-ness: 6/10
How many ridiculous ways are there to gain superpowers?

Does it stand the test of time? 8/10
Considering it’s mostly a comedy, the more ridiculous points you keep the better!

We are legion

• 8 active in this story: Sun Boy, Saturn Girl, Chameleon Boy, Bouncing Boy, Colossal Boy, Cosmic Boy, Brainiac 5, Shrinking Violet
• 8 not appearing but officially members: Superboy, Invisible Kid, Phantom Girl, Triplicate Girl, Supergirl, Ultra Boy, Mon-El, Matter-Eater Lad
• 1 unknown: Star Boy as usual
• 1 deceased: Lightning Lad

How much Legion is too much?
The Legion is still made of 17 members.

Legion rejects: 9
The number of rejected applicants more than doubles with the addition of Polar Boy, Night Girl, Chlorophyll Kid, Flame Boy and Stone Boy.
Polar Boy will eventually join in the 80s, as will the others during the 5 Year  Gap, but since they’re pretty much defined by being rejected I have to list them.