SUPERMAN’S PAL JIMMY OLSEN 022 (1957)
By Otto Binder & Curt Swan
You might be wondering what sets this story apart from all the OTHER stories where a character gets a giant bald head. The answer? This is one is dumber than all the other ones.
Combined.
By this point, they’ve started the plot with “Jimmy meets a weird scientist” so many times that they decide to make one a regular of the series with Professor Potter, in his first appearance.
His Evolution Accelerator ™ sounds impressive, and he has a new theory about human evolution.
Sounds legit.
Well, at least the part about a giant bald head. The research is inconclusive about tentacle fingers and loss of teeth.
“Cosmic Brain” has telekinesis and telepathy. So if nothing else we’re still increasing the superpowers count.
Well, actually he has A LOT more. And to think that last time I was complaining about not giving him all of Superman’s powers!
Cosmic Brain has a plan in mind for Superman, who he blackmails thanks to his x-ray vision.
Sorry, we’ve already added that to the list, but nice try.
And just what is Cosmic Brain’s big plan?
Phase 1: dig a big hole.
Phase 2: fill the hole BY DROPPING A WHOLE MOUNTAIN IN IT.
Phase 3: move stuff around, I guess?
Phase 4: make a scrapyard that weights BILLIONS OF TONS:
Superman pushes him to reveal his plan, but Cosmic Brain has yet another power: KRYPTONITE VISION. Because of course he does.
Does this mean that ALL humans will evolve this power!?!?
Last phase: throw FREAKIN’ METEORS at the Earth.
By the time he comes back to Earth, Cosmic Brain has already transformed back into Jimmy Olsen.
Superman finally discovers his plan, which… I don’t think I can give it justice.
Behold: the dumbest scientific theory you’ve ever seen in a comic book.
Yes. One hemisphere is so much heavier than the other than Cosmic Brain had Superman physically rearrange the planet to balance it.
The only silver lining is that we’re given an explanation for why this invention was never used again.
Historical significance: 5/10
Unfortunately, Professor Potter will show up many, many, MANY times.
Silver Age-ness: 10/10
When it comes to ridiculous Silver Age science it doesn’t get any dumber than this.
At least I hope it doesn’t…
Does it stand the test of time? 0/10
I suppose you could turn this into a parody of flat-earthers, only THEIR theory is more plausible than Jimmy’s.
Stupid Jimmy Olsen moment
“The world will explode because one hemisphere is heavier than the other”.
Superpower count: 11
Cosmic Brain brings us telekinesis, telepathy, telescopic vision, super-hearing and Kryptonite vision. Adding all of this to his previous powers of invulnerability, flight, x-ray vision, heat vision, invisibility and super-speed, Jimmy’s already had more powers than Superman!!!
I am not adding super-intelligence because… come on, do I really need to explain it?