SUPERMAN’S PAL JIMMY OLSEN 039 (1959)
by Robert Bernstein & Curt Swan
I swear in this period the only issues where Jimmy is not getting new powers are the ones where he’s getting Superman’s powers.
Jimmy is attending the launch of a rocket that is going to be thrust into space by Superman, and he’s wearing a Superman costume because… because Jimmy is here as “President of the Superman Fan Club”.
Okay, first: isn’t he supposed to be a journalist?
Second… that has to be the laziest attempt to justify why another character is wearing the costume.
Jimmy can sneak inside the rocket because:
I understand not knowing how rockets work. But not understanding how the COUNTDOWN works? Okay, to be fair, Jimmy stays inside the rocket because his watch is 15 minutes late…
…but he said “the countdown has already taken place”. What the… what does that mean!?
Also: great job building that watch that constantly breaks, Supes.
The only minor consolation is that the signal watch doesn’t work in space, which I assume means that even if it sends the hypersonic signal Superman won’t hear it because sound doesn’t travel through space.
Why is this a consolation? Because we’ll see many, MANY times that Superman can typically hear the signal from outer space. SOMEHOW.
Jimmy lands on another planet, where he can fly because the atmosphere is less dense than Earth’s.
The alien environment also gives him x-ray vision and super-strength, because of course it does.
Jimmy runs into some locals, where not only they know him by name… they also speak English.
Even more surprisingly: Jimmy notices that aliens speaking English is weird!!!
Jimmy discovers that the planet is about to be hit by meteorites using his telescopic vision, which he stops in a… peculiar way.
The aliens are so grateful for his heroics that he’s given the “the gold key to the planet”.
Jimmy gets a couple of explanations about this planet, “Zolium”. They range from the classic sci-fi trope of the aliens knowing everything about Earth because they intercepted radio transmissions…
…to the utter lunacy of the aliens adopting English as their own language because “it’s the universe’s most efficient language”:
Sounds legit.
Also: people on Zolium walk around with a huge label on their clothes that specifies their profession.
By the way, we see several women throughout the story, and none of them has a profession written on her clothes. So either this rule applies only to men, or on Zolium only men work.
Jimmy is getting a taste of what it means to be Superman, and he finds it exhausting: people keep bothering him to ask for the most trivial tasks.
You know, like when a photographer keeps calling you with a signal watch because he put himself in mortal danger for the millionth time.
Jimmy gets around this by stealing some clothes thanks to his gold key.
Wait a minute, I thought the key was a symbolic thing… it actually opens every lock on the planet!?
Also: “I got this for free” is Jimmy-speak for “I stole this and got away with it”.
Even when he’s wearing civilian clothes, however, the Zolians keep recognizing Jimmy.
Interestingly, Jimmy thinks that Superman must’ve had a hard time with his secret identity as well. Don’t ask my WHY he thinks this.
Finally, Superman tracks down Jimmy and takes him back to Earth.
So that’s a second time when Jimmy could’ve lived as a superhero on another planet and instead decides to live the rest of his life in the shadow of Supes.
By the way, the reason why Zolians knew about Jimmy’s identity was that they all have “mental telepathy”.
“Mental telepathy”. Is… is there ANY other kind of telepathy?
Historical significance: 0/10
As per any story with a planet where humans have superpowers, completely forgotten.
Silver Age-ness: 8/10
Zolium is the quintessential Silver Age planet: it gives implausible powers, has a couple of ridiculous gimmicks, and it’s never used again.
Does it stand the test of time? 3/10
Saved from rock bottom by some insight on why secret identities exist.
Stupid Jimmy Olsen moment
I can give him a pass for not learning that Zolians are telepaths. But the way he gets blasted into space is unforgivable.
Superpower count: 22
He gets all of Superman’s powers… again… but the total count is still at 22.