Lois Lane 36

LOIS LANE #36 (1962)
Writer: Unknown (possibly Henry Boltinoff)
Penciler: Kurt Schaffenberger (and possibly Curt Swan for the third story, unconfirmed)

We have three stories this time and for all three I can’t find a definitive source about the writer. Typically this is a really bad sign.

Our first story begins with Lois going to work at the Daily Planet, where nobody recognizes her.

There’s another journalist with the initials L.L…

…and “Lois” is apparently “Myrtle Merkin”.

Lois then turns to her family, but her own sister doesn’t recognize her…

…and even Lana Lang doesn’t recognize her.

To show that she’s not insane, when a storm breaks Lois decides to hide in a circus next to an escaped lion.

Of course Superman shows up to save her from the lion, and of course he doesn’t recognize her.

She insists to be brought to the Fortress of Solitude to see Superman’s creepy stalker room, but it’s now dedicated to someone else.

Lois is so desperate that she even tries to get Luthor to help identify her, with the predictable results.

At this point Lois has decided that life as a nobody isn’t worth living.

And she kills herself by jumping off a cliff.

And that’s the end of the first story!
The second story is definitely more believable.

Okay I’m kidding, the first story isn’t over!

We actually find out that EVERYONE has been lying to Lois the whole time.

This is naturally devastating for Lucy…

…but I can’t get over Perry’s hilarious reaction.

Ah, the classic “Oops, I’ve accidentally caused the death of my employee” face.

By the way, that “excellent motive” to gaslight Lois into believing she was insane? See if she had what it takes to be a foreign correspondent!

Needless to say, THIS IS INSANE. But there’s no time to dwell on that, because of course it turns out that Lois is alive.

Just to recap, in order to see if Lois was worthy of the job, Perry had to convince to help him:
1) Superman
2) Clark Kent
3) Jimmy Olsen
4) Lucy Lane
5) Lana Lang
6) The actress playing “Lorraine Landon”
7) The actor playing Lana’s husband
8) The warden (or an actor playing the warden)
9) The actor playing Luthor
So he had to convince 5 people (actually 4, but he doesn’t know Clark and Superman are the same one), plus pay 3 or 4 actors.
ALL OF THIS to get a foreign correspondent. What the hell did the previous foreign correspondent for the Daily Planet had to do to get his job!?!?
(and of course the foreign correspondent is a guy, if there was another high profile woman working at the Daily Planet we would’ve met her by now).

And the final nail in the coffin was the fact that Lois took a truth serum.

THAT’S NOT HOW TRUTH SERUM WORKS!!!

And since this is the Silver Age, the story doesn’t end with Lois suing the Daily Planet into oblivion.

Let’s move to the second story, for real this time. We start with Lois visiting the Lois Lane Fan Club.

Unlike Jimmy, I can see Lois having some kind of fan club. Although it looks like they talk mostly about Superman.

Everything looks fine, until a scientific experiment going on in a nearby room (the fan club is meeting at a university) and everyone is hit by neutrons.

Somehow I blame Jimmy. There’s always a disaster when he’s around.

You know where this is going.

And poor Lucy pays the price, although considering the first story I’m not so keen to defend her.

You might suspect that Lucy becomes a mad scientist bent on world domination, but no, Lois has a rather mundane solution.

So I guess Lucy is supposed to be wearing a wig during most of her future appearances, and that Lana has lost most of her Superboy collection.

Who am I kidding, Lana probably has an entire warehouse full of souvenirs.

Lois is declared a menace to society (even more than she usually is), but she’s not arrested because Lana refuses to press charges. That’s kind of believable.

Less believable: the police agrees to let her go free as long as she’s HELD IN A STRAIGHT-JACKJET IN PERRY WHITE’S OFFICE. (!!!)

Why is Perry keeping evidence in his desk!? Shouldn’t that be given to the police? How is this legal!?

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, because Perry also keeps a chunk of Kryptonite in his desk.

Lois kills Superman with this Kryptonite (!!!), but it’s okay because the REAL hero shows up: Professor Potter!

I’m not joking. Professor Potter saved the day!

The green Kryptonite in Perry’s desk was actually RED Kryptonite, and Potter reversed the effects.

Superman didn’t even show up: it was just a life-sized puppet.

I would ask why the Lois Lane Fan Club has a life-sized Superman puppet, but I’d rather not know.

Our last story is an imaginary one, which begins with Superman marrying Lois and giving her super-powers.

Lana is of course devastated by this, but since she doesn’t want Superman to know she’s going to pretend she’s a lesbian.

Okay, okay, obviously the word had a different meaning in 1962, but how could I resist?

Lana is so desperate that she volunteers for an experiment that might kill her: a projector into the fourth dimension.

That’s just a fancy way to describe a time machine, and she ends up in a dystopic future Metropolis where she’s arrested because she doesn’t have the mandatory papers.

That’s when Superman shows up, strangely glowing with a blue aura.

He’s kissing her without her consent and kidnapping her, so he looks his usual self to me.

Just in case you didn’t see the cover, the story reveals that this is actually Superman III, who isn’t a disappointing sequel but instead Superman’s descendant.
So he’s still a disappointing sequel, I guess.

As for the blue glow: it’s how future people get laid.

Sounds legit.

Also: Superman III gives Lana super-powers!

They get married and live the rest of their lives in the future.

 

You might think this is where we learn that it was all Lana’s dream, but nope! The story is over.

Well… that was pretty much the definition of “entirely pointless”, wasn’t it?

 

Historical significance: 0/10
What a surprise…

 Silver Age-ness: 10/10
Rather obvious, but to point out the most outstanding Silver Age elements: in the first story the absolute awfulness of every single character, in the second one for red Kryptonite, and in the last one the sheer pointlessness.

Does it stand the test of time? 0/10
Another extremely easy decision. At most I could possibly see the idea “everyone forgets Lois exists” to be a legitimately interesting plot, but you’d have to throw away everything else.

Stupid Lois Lane moment
She escapes the third story since Lois barely appears at all. The second story has Lois accepting to get herself locket up in Perry’s apartment, but nothing beats the sheer idiocy of not suing him in the first story.