JIMMY OLSEN 69 (1963)
“The Caped Crimefighers of Kandor!” by Edmond Hamilton & Curt Swan
“Jimmy Olsen’s Viking Sweetheart!” by Leo Dorfman & John Forte
We have Legion regulars Hamilton and Forte, but this time they’re split between the two stories.
We’re not off to a good start, though, because the cover already makes a mistake: Jimmy calls Nightwing “Nightbird”, even when the correct name is used TWICE on the rest of the cover!
This isn’t the first time Superman adopts his Nightwing identity: it debuted in Superman #158.
That comic was also published in 1963, five months before this one, so it must’ve been a popular idea.
Jimmy and Superman shrink down to Kandor because they are needed to capture a super-powered criminal. Unlike any other time, where the shrink ray basically teleports you into Kandor, this time they use parachutes.
I remind you that Superman has plenty of access to ways to fly without his powers. At the very least he should still have his Legion Flight Ring with him.
Just in case you had any doubts that Nightwing&Flamebird are a Batman&Robin ripoff, I present to you the Night-Cave and the Nightmobile.
Robin will eventually take the identity of Nightwing, so I wonder if it was some kind of lighthearted jab at Superman.
We also learn that Argo City (the place where Supergirl is from) was once ruled by a super-computer put in charge by the Kryptonians.
It went exactly as you imagine.
That has nothing to do with anything, of course. This is the Silver Age after all.
Nightwing comes across the thief: a super-powered Superman lookalike.
And he had to dress up as Batman to deal with him instead of shrinking down a Superman robot because… I have no idea.
Superman tries to use Kryptonite against this impostor, but it doesn’t work because he manages to stay too far away. Instead he catches a Kryptonian deadly virus.
We’re then told another story about the history of Krypton: that time it was almost destroyed by a meteor that had an “electrical force”, whatever that means.
And the solution cements my idea that shooting rockets and people into space is just hard-wired into Kryptonian brains.
The criminal has an… interesting way to track Nighwing and Flamebird: telepathic yellow hounds!
This is so crazily stupid and awesome that I just love it.
Telepathic hounds are such a big issue on Krypton that wearing “thought-jamming instruments” appears to be the norm.
Okay if it turns out that those stupid headbands that Kryptonians wear are actually used to keep away telepathic yellow dogs, this comic is going to be PERFECT.
Well… no. But I can’t be mad at how the situation is resolved because this is just adorable!
What I WILL make fun of, however, is that Krypton has both dogs that look indistinguishable from those from Earth (see Krypto), AND telepathic yellow ones. Just saying.
And OF COURSE I will make fun of Nighthound!
When tracking the mystery of the super-powered criminal, Jimmy discovers that Kandor, the quintessential City In A Bottle… has another City In A Bottle inside it!?
I can’t possibly give justice to its backstory, so here it is.
This can only be commented in meme form.
Conveniently, Kandor has an enlarging ray that only works on minerals.
This is easily Jimmy Olsen’s best plan ever. Not that there is much contest, but still!
Time for another history lesson: that time a guy warned Kryptonians about an incoming alien invasion by RIDING A WHITE DRAGON. (!!!)
Jimmy (well, the dog mostly) even manages to find the criminal… who has absolutely zero interest in him.
You know, maybe we should give this guy the benefit of the doubt.
Then Superman, OUT OF FREAKING NOWHERE, deduces that the criminal has superpowers because his ring amplifies solar radiation.
“A depowered Superman cosplaying as Batman defeats his doppelganger while riding a white dragon” should be an awesome moment, but… judge by yourself.
And it turns out that the Superman impostor is actually… the scientist that has been helping the real Superman this whole time?
And Superman has powers now, even if he’s in Kandor, thanks to that ring.
What the hell is going on!? As always, the ending does NOT help clear things out!
Okay… let me get this straight.
The Superman Revenge Squad knows that Superman has no powers in Kandor, so they have a very elaborate plan to trick Superman into going to Kandor… while CREATING A RING THAT GIVES SUPERMAN POWERS WHEN HE’S IN KANDOR!?!?
Superman leaves the ring to the scientist, so that Kandor can have its own Superman.
Obviously this will never be used again, because giving Superman access to powers while he’s in Kandor DEFEATS THE ENTIRE PURPOSE OF HAVING KANDOR!!!
*sigh*
I typically keep the letters at the end of the story, but since they are teasing me…
Let’s take a look at how THAT turns out, shall we?
It starts with Jimmy at a ski resort with his fan club, which… come on, if your fan club follows you around during vacation it’s not a fan club, it’s a posse!
Even more pathetic: Jimmy isn’t going on vacation with Lucy, but he’s stalking her.
How can Jimmy Olsen manage not to die every day of the week is the greatest mystery of the Silver Age.
If you think that Jimmy surviving the fall is the most ridiculous part… he finds a frozen Viking lady. ALIVE.
Also: Holga calls him Eric and Jimmy IMMEDIATELY assumes she’s talking about Eric the Red.
It turns out to be the case (because Silver Age), but COME ON!!!
Her backstory? Think Captain America mixed with Thor mixed with brain damage.
Think that’s a little far-fetched? Well, you’ll be glad to know that she’s actually a robot built by Jimmy’s fan club to make Lucy jealous. (!!!)
You mean to tell me that this fan club managed to built a robot that is sophisticated enough to fool a human?
Well… it’s designed to fool Jimmy Olsen, so she doesn’t need to be THAT advanced.
Case in point:
Maybe the fan club should call this whole thing off before it goes off the rails.
TOO LATE FOR THAT!
Remember, this story was advertised as “Jimmy stops being a doormat to Lucy”.
But that’s only until Lucy stumbles into the fan club’s control room and messes with the robot.
Hold up.
Why is there a “Treat Jimmy coldly” button!?!?
And how is the robot working without the fan club? Can she act fully independently?
Is… is this robot SENTIENT!?
I don’t know. But I definitely like her new style!
But Lucy later finds out that Jimmy wasn’t proposing to the Viking girl: he was actually telling her that he loves Lucy, and that’s apparently reason enough to be engaged!
And so we close with the Jimmy Olsen Fan Club closing down shop. They will probably all become billionaires by selling sex robots. Because come on, don’t tell me that’s not where it’s going.
We are promised that we will find out if Lucy will marry Jimmy “next issue”… and we won’t, since the Jimmy-Lucy relationship basically remains the same.
As for the promise on the letter’s page: Jimmy didn’t do anything to stop being Lucy’s doormat!
Historical significance: 0/10
The first story could’ve had repercussions: if Superman kept the ring, he would’ve been able to keep his powers in Kandor in next appearances. Instead it’s never even mentioned again, to the best of my knowledge.
Silver Age-ness: 10/10
The first one practically oozes Silver Age in every panel. And the second is too stupid to exist anywhere else.
Does it stand the test of time?
First story: 3/10
Exclusively for the very brief glimpse at Krypton’s past. The rest… not so much. The ending especially makes no sense.
Second story: 0/10
The fan club creating the robot is already silly enough. Jimmy falling for it is one thing, but THE ENTIRE WORLD!?
Stupid Jimmy Olsen moment
First story: shockingly enough, some of Jimmy’s plans actually work… gaining the dog’s trust, enlarging the Kryptonite sample… maybe it’s because this is more a Superman story than a Jimmy Olsen story. So I’m going with the whole idea of being Flamebird: if he wants to play hero, why not use the Elastic Lad serum for something useful!?
Second story: I know Jimmy has already experienced the craziest things, but he doesn’t question ANYTHING when the frozen Viking lady shows up. I especially like “of course she’s an Olympic level skier, her people invented skis”.