JIMMY OLSEN 71 (1963)
Writer unknown, penciler Curt Swan
I would’ve gone with “Jimmy Olsen ruins another century”, but “meets Cleopatra” also works.
We begin with Jimmy Olsen visiting Professor Potter, who we haven’t seen in a while; he’s worried that spies want to steal one of his inventions.
However they don’t try to kidnap him because the professor has spread the rumor that he has a weak heart (WTF?), so they don’t dare to steal the Potter Lightweight Levitator ™.
Basically it’s an antigravity device. Jimmy’s first question: can we test this on humans?
And what are the odds, Jimmy is the test subject.
So you’re probably thinking this is going to give Jimmy superpowers, right? Like the power of flight, for the 100th time?
Nope!
Yes, the Potter Lightweight Levitator ™ doubles as a TIME MACHINE.
The professor is a true renaissance man, knowledgeable both in bulls#it science and historical architecture.
Aaand this is now a sitcom.
I’ve always thought Jimmy’s place was in the litter, but this isn’t what I meant.
Then Mark Antony shows up, and I guess Jimmy wishes he was dressed like a woman again.
I’m sorry, did I say this turned into a sitcom? More like Looney Tunes.
Then Cleopatra shows up and Jimmy blows his cover by whistling at her. (!!!)
I want you to remember this panel. Trust me, it’ll be hilarious soon.
The Potter Lightweight Levitator ™ makes things juuuust a little easier.
Also: Jimmy Olsen speaks latin!?
If you thought that Jimmy was an expert on history, he learned everything by watching movies.
Why am I not surprised in the slightest?
Although I also wonder if the writer also learned everything from the movies.
Jimmy and the professor then demonstrate how to use the Potter Lightweight Levitator ™.
Except it’s just a trap to expose the spies that are after them!
Wait, WHAT!?
WHAT!?
ARE YOU SERIOUS!?
So… let me get this straight. Remember that panel?
This is a movie set!? Did it include an entire rock quarry and THE FREAKING PYRAMIDS!?
AND the Cleopatra actress had to know how to speak latin?
AND the set had to include a whole freaking city?
AND all the actors and the extras had to speak Egyptian, or at least fake it?
AND they had to stay in character the entire time, considering we repeatedly see them talk with each other while Jimmy and the professor were not within earshot?
I know an antigravity generator would be priceless but COME ON!!!!
Also: wouldn’t a much better clue be the fact that nobody ever find odd that Professor Potter is wearing glasses thousands of years before they were invented!?
Historical significance: 0/10
Take a wild guess how many times the antigravity device will be referenced again.
Silver Age-ness: 2/10
As a reminder that this isn’t the same thing as being idiotic (otherwise it’d be a 10/10), there’s actually relatively little Silver Age tropes.
Although it’s pretty telling that if Jimmy had actually accidentally traveled to Ancient Egypt it would’ve been perfectly standard for the time.
Does it stand the test of time? 0/10
Curt Swan’s art is the only saving grace of this garbage story.
Stupid Jimmy Olsen moment
You just HAD to whistle, didn’t you?