Adventure Comics #351

ADVENTURE COMICS 351 (1966)
by E. Nelson Bridwell & Curt Swan

We continue the stupidest Legion storyline we have seen so far.

Ultra Boy wants to use his Penetra-Vision *sigh* to discover the real identities of Sir Prize and Miss Terious, but Invisible Kid has to reaffirm his leadership by KNOCKING HIM OUT.

In case you’re wondering: this works because Ultra Boy was already using his Penetra-Vision, meaning he couldn’t be invulnerable at the time.

Sir Prize has a good point: “Look this is the Silver Age, we all have at least of couple of stories where we have plans that make absolutely no sense, okay?”.

The Legion is headed for one of Brande’s many private planets, and Miss Terious already knows who is behind everything.

R.J.Brande doesn’t f*ck around with security.

Cosmic Boy gets rid of the satellites…

…and Matter-Eater Lad eats his way through a net created by defense robots.

We then cut to Lightning Lad, prisoner of *sigh* Prince Evillo, who asks the natural question of “Why does your team call itself Devil’s Dozen if there are only four of them?”.

Prince Evillo’s plan is to turn people evil by injecting them with evil gas.

And he has that gas because his planet is full of evil people?
You know, I’m starting to suspect that this comic isn’t very good.

Evillo offers to replace Lightning Lad’s artificial arm, but the Legionnaire has a different proposal.

Lightning Lad resisted the evil gas by… thinking about the good deeds of his fellow teammates.

He then tries to knock out Evillo with a stun gun… that instead gives him powers.

Someone was paid to write this.
Someone was paid to edit, draw, ink, color, print and distribute this.
Are we SURE that Evillo is the one living on an evil planet?

Moving on: the Legion runs into Hag, one of the Devil’s Eventually Will Be A Dozen.

Hag conjured up portraits that show the future of the Legionnaires.
First is Ferro Lad, who will… uhm…

Ehm. If you know ANYTHING about Ferro Lad’s imminent future, that’s chilling.

Apparently the spell didn’t work on Miss Terious, and we don’t get to see Cosmic Boy’s future because “it’s too dreadful”.
Considering Ferro Lad… WTF?

Miss Terious knows the counterspell to defeat Hag, but it requires some… questionable ingredients.

A “lock of hair from a magician” is going to be supplied by Mr. Mxyzptlk. We get a spelling guide for his name, but he’s called “Master” instead of “Mister”.

The Legion goes back in time to get Superboy’s help. They sure can make an entrance.

Except the Legion forgot that they mind-wiped him. It was just a couple of days ago, guys, come on!!!

No problem, Element Lad can take care of it.
THEN WHAT WAS THE POINT OF HALF OF THE PREVIOUS ISSUE!?
Also: why would Princess Projectra need to create that illusion in the first place!?

We get a rare glimpse at Mr. Mxyzptlk during Superboy’s time, as well as a very rare mention of the name of the Silver Age Fifth Dimension, “Zrfff”.

Superboy’s plan to get a lock of his hair is so stupid…

…that even Mr. Mxyzptlk doesn’t fall for it!

Then Mon-El takes care of him…

…and they both vanish by saying their names backwards.

Meanwhile in the 30th century (what?) the powerless Bouncing Boy is answering to a distress signal about one of the members of the Devil’s Not Quite Dozen.
Say hello to Sugyn!

Say goodbye to Sugyn!

Sooo… that was pointless.

The Legion has recruited the Subs to get Supergirl back, and they run into the Super-Pets!

Color Kid has now joined the Subs. He’s smarter than a dog and a horse, which is quite a feat for the Subs.

See, this is why you don’t give super-powers to animals.

Comet the Super-Horse is the only pet standing, but fortunately this fight is during the night.

What the hell does “Great Grauman’s Chinese” mean!?!?

Now that she has all the ingredients, Miss Terious can finally complete her counterspell…

…and turn Hag into… the White Witch!?!?

She looks NOTHING like the White Witch that will eventually join the Legion.
But if that mention of Naltor sounds familiar…

As for the reasons why the other Legionnaires kept thinking they were Superboy and Supergirl… most of that was thanks to the flight ring and the armor.

We are almost at the end, with Prince Evillo inviting the Legion into his lair…

…where his scientist has recreated Lighting Lad’s original arm (!), restored Bouncing Boy’s powers (!!) and made Matter-Eater Lad lose weight (!!!).

WHAT THE F*CK IS GOING ON!?

Well, after the Legion takes care of Evillo’s goons with a barrage of horrible jokes…

…it turns out that the doctor that Evillo kidnapped, WHO WE BARELY SAW IN ONE PANEL, has betrayed him.

So, uhm, I guess that’s it?

Oh, yes, there’s the problem of the giant cloud of Plot Hole Kryptonite. How do we take care of that?

WITH COLOR KID.

I’m way too tired to list all the ways this makes zero sense…

Legion significance: 6/10
*groan* I really, REALLY hate it, but this IS a significant story.
The White Witch will be immensely important, but we have to wait for the Great Darkness Saga for that… although you can basically ignore her appearance here.
Lightning Lad losing an arm is important… can you believe that the Silver Age is actually the continuity where he spent the least amount of time with artificial arm?
We also have Dream Girl officially join the team, Star Boy and Bouncing Boy returning… ugh, I hate that this awful story has so many future impacts!!!

 Silver Age-ness: 12/10
The last story broke the scale. It’s even worse this time.

Does it stand the test of time? 0/10
The only nice thing I can say is that I don’t see any way this story could be worse than it already is.

 We are legion
All 24 Legionnaires appear in the story. Since from this point on it’s very clear who is considered a member, I’m retiring the “not appeared but members” category.
1 reserve member: Kid Psycho
1 resigned member: Command Kid
1 honorary member: Elastic Lad
1 expelled member: Nemesis Kid
1 deceased member: Dynamo Boy

How much Legion is too much?
Star Boy, Dream Girl and Bouncing Boy rejoin, plus Superboy and Supergirl.
With this we go up to 24 active members, which is the highest it’s been so far.
The total number of characters who have been members is 29.

Interesting letters: wow, someone took Saturn Girl’s hair color VERY seriously!

Also, “why is Supergirl always missing?”, without an answer.

Well, what do you know, someone was already doing the Legion Awards in 1966.

I agree with several choices, but… “Least helpful Legionnaire: Brainiac 5”? Seriously?