JIMMY OLSEN 77 (1964)
by unknown & Curt Swan
I’m not a fan of Colossal Boy’s first costume, but after seeing Jimmy wearing it I instantly hate it.
We begin with Superman installing a vault to protect Jimmy’s souvenirs from any thief.
That’s nice, but who’s going to protect the world from Jimmy?
When arranging the vault, Jimmy notices the “enlarging compound” that apparently he received from Colossal Boy.
Considering that Colossal Boy doesn’t get his powers from a serum I’m very, VERY afraid of what’s inside that bottle!
Also, while holding the enlarging compound Jimmy is thinking about the beautiful women he has met. I’m sure it’s a coincidence.
Jimmy goes to visit Lucy at the airport, where GIANT MONKEY!
People are understandably freaking out by the appearance of the GIANT RADIOACTIVE MONKEY, but Lucy reassures them that she knows him.
Yes, just ask people to sit down while you narrate Titano’s origin. I’m sure it’s going to make people forget all about the GIANT RADIOACTIVE MONKEY thrashing the place.
And yes I know that Titano looks like a gorilla, but he’s technically a chimp.
A chimp who was turned into a GIANT RADIOACTIVE MONKEY because of an uranium meteorite colliding with a Kryptonite meteorite.
Sounds legit.
Just in case you forgot about the last time we met Titano, Superman exiled him into the past.
So you might be wondering: how did he get back to the present?
This comic’s answer: who gives a crap?
Seriously, there’s NO explanation on how he got back to the present.
Why do you have to point out your own inconsistencies, comic?
That’s MY job here!
Speaking of which: how is it possible that Jimmy knows everything remotely connected to Superman but is also stupid enough to forget that Titano shoots Kryptonite?
For that matter, how do you fail to see the GIANT RADIOACTIVE MONKEY until you’re literally in front of it? Especially if you have telescopic vision!?
Jimmy has a solution. It’s a stupid solution, but it’s something.
You might wonder why would Jimmy need a puppet to stop Titano. Well…
1) Why are you STILL looking for logic in these comics!?
2) Because every Titano story is based on “monkey see, monkey do”
AND IT FREAKING WORKS.
Well… kinda.
“In this issue, Jimmy Olsen is shaven by a giant radioactive monkey”.
The Silver Age, man…
Jimmy manages to restrain Titano with some metal bars, and you’ll never guess who shows up: Allura from Jimmy Olsen #64.
Jimmy was too small for her, but now the enlarging compound can make their relationship work.
Or not.
Don’t worry Jimmy, it happens to every giant.
At least Allura will take care of Titano.
And Lucy takes care of Jimmy.
Look at that smug bastard. LOOK AT HIM.
And so we end with Titano no longer being a menace, even finding a mate, and with Jimmy being dumped again. Truly a happy ending.
You didn’t have to go that far, comic, dumping Jimmy would’ve been enough.
Historical significance: 0/10
Titano will actually return in issue 84 of this series. There’s a one-sentence reference to this story, but honestly even that doesn’t save it from a 0/10.
Silver Age-ness: 10/10
Hello? GIANT RADIOACTIVE MONKEY?
Does it stand the test of time? 2/10
I’ve never read a Titano story that was actually any good. I will give this story credit for coming up with the solution of calling Allura, that was kind of clever.
Stupid Jimmy Olsen moment
As stupid as Jimmy’s “monkey see, monkey do” plan is, I can’t count it because it actually works. But I’m going with using the enlarging compound in the first place: it’s obvious that Jimmy was convinced that it had a permanent effect, so why choose THAT instead of Elastic Lad’s serum?
Superpowers count: 32
Jimmy has been turned into a giant before, so I’m not counting it and we’re still at 32.