Jimmy Olsen 78

JIMMY OLSEN 78 (1964)
“The Revenge of Jimmy Olsen!” by Leo Dorfman & Curt Swan
“The Baby that Saved Metropolis!” by Bill Finger & Al Plastino
“The Return of Jimmy’s Lost Love!” by Jerry Siegel & Curt Swan

The cover makes it sound so simple, doesn’t it?

We begin with Jimmy Olsen hanging out with his groupies his fanclub, on a fishing trip (who does that!?) where they see there’s a machine gun underwater.

Jimmy wants to signal Superman for this, but one of the club members, Mark, just dives.

Mark 1, Jimmy 0.

Then they hang out waiting for Superman to give a lecture on spaceships (again, who does that with his fan club!?), where regretfully Mark saves Jimmy’s life.

Mark 2, Jimmy 0.

Nobody tells us who was trying to poison Jimmy, by the way, or why “poison” was the first conclusion of “there’s something wrong with the lemonade”.

The next day Jimmy is STILL hanging out with his fan club, where there’s a problem at the aquarium.

Mark 3, Jimmy 0.

That’s enough to make Superman dump Jimmy. Although I suppose the previous 77 issues played a role.

The Daily Planet also prefers Mark, so…
Mark 4, Jimmy 0.

Jimmy is so upset over this that he quits his job!

And LITERALLY NEXT PANEL he realizes it was a dumb move.

But who would want to hire Jimmy Olsen? Only some one with THE WORST IDEA EVER: a newspaper for criminals!

I repeat: a newspaper. By criminals. For criminals.

Not only that, but someone actually shows up to collect the reward with proof that Superman is secretly an actor named Rex Mason!

But Jimmy insists that that’s not true, he actually knows Superman’s real identity: Clark Kent!

You probably think you know where this is going.

But I hope not, because the story ends up being even less believable than that!

But what about Mark? It turns out that he was Aquaman’s sidekick!

Superman is still The Worst, but at least he’s starting to doubt that Jimmy is a useful partner.

On to the second story, which starts with Superman being annoyed at Jimmy’s uselessness.
I sense a theme here…

Jimmy is annoyed about the fact that everyone at the Daily Planet consider him a nuisance, but he hopes that Lucy will boost his morale.

Sometimes I wonder if he has some kind of selective amnesia about Lucy, because OF COURSE she does the exact freaking opposite!

Then Jimmy’s house is stolen by a giant crane. (???)

Not only that, but other giant-sized machines show up.

What’s going on? Well, as Jimmy discovers by following one of the machines… the answer is giant toys.

I should’ve known! The writer is Bill Finger, co-creator of Batman, who was famous among many other things (again: co-creator of Batman!) for frequently implementing giant-sized props in his stories. If you ever see a Batman story with a giant object, it’s either a Bill Finger story or a homage to Bill Finger.

So it makes sense that he would put giant toys in a Jimmy Olsen story.
What makes definitely less sense is Jimmy deducing their origin.

How can he tell that it’s a telepathic machine and… oh no.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you: the second worst thing you have ever seen.

As well as THE worst thing you have ever seen.

You gave us Batman, Bill Finger. BATMAN.

Okay, that made me lose faith in humanity. Any chance we can get a happy ending?

A sequel to Jimmy Olsen #74, the story where both Jimmy and Lucy were depressed by having to settle for another horrible person? Yeah, that might raise my spirits.

Yep. This is a healthy relationship.

What kind of airline repeatedly sends their stewardesses into undercover assignments!?
At this point I’m starting to suspect they’re a front for the mob or something.

Like last time, Lucy’s brilliant disguise is just a red wig and a dress. Even Jimmy puts more effort into his 60s Tony Stark cosplay!

Of course Jimmy spots her and changes into “Magi the Magnificent” again.
Because dumbasses attract, apparently.

Last time, “Magi the Magnificent” pretended to be a world-famous stage magician. This time he pretends that he has magic powers… and maybe he does?

No, it’s just Superman being The Worst again.
Note that he immediately sees through Jimmy’s disguise, but apparently Lucy’s wig is too much for him.

Also: the above scene means that Superman is 100% okay with Jimmy cheating on his girlfriend.

But wait! Is Jimmy growing a conscience!?

Lucy takes him to a swimming pool, but Jimmy can’t get into a bathing suit: his Magi disguise has padded muscles and high shoes, so he has to get out of this with a lie.

So it’s not even just the dress that prevents him from recognizing Lucy, since he doesn’t recognize her even when she’s in a bathing suit… it’s just the wig.
And yes I know this is a comic where people don’t recognize Clark Kent because of the glasses, but come on, this is getting ridiculous!

Almost as ridiculous as the thief stealing mail from an airplane with… just watch.

Looks legit.

The thief has the drop on the dumbass duo, and Jimmy has lost his signal watch (is it too late to give it back to Aqualad?). But then he makes a Superman-signal.

How weird is it that the previous story, written by Batman’s co-creator, didn’t mention Batman… but the following one, written by Superman’s co-creator Jerry Siegel, does?

But we’re near the end of the story, so the dumbass duo must have a change of heart.

I think we can all agree that this is the appropriate reaction to Jimmy Olsen.

So Jimmy has to come up with a lie to leave forever.

So basically:

You know, I typically root for Lucy, but I’m very happy when we end with stories where both these idiots end miserable.

We’re going to have to suffer this idiocy again, aren’t we? Thanks, 1960s Jimmy Olsen readers…

Historical significance: 0/10
I want some brain bleach for Jimmy’s scenes dressed as a baby.

Silver Age-ness
First story: 5/10
Perfectly average for the era.
Second story: 10/10
Giant toys randomly appearing from another dimension!
Third story: 5/10
The entire premise practically screams Silver Age.

Does it stand the test of time? 0/10
Jimmy’s usual pettiness and the utterly ridiculous “newspaper for criminals” just wouldn’t fly today, those panels of Jimmy Olsen dressed like a baby should be a crime against humanity, and even the slightly less awful third story is still awful.

Stupid Jimmy Olsen moment
First story: even HE realizes that leaving the Daily Planet that way is stupid!
Second story: why putting on the doll’s clothes? WHY!?!?
Third story: honestly, how hard is it to stop losing that damn signal watch?