JIMMY OLSEN 81 (1964)
“The Ransom of Superman!” by Jerry Siegel & Curt Swan
“The Demons from Pandora’s Box!” by Jerry Siegel & Kurt Schaffenberger
We’ve already seen Lois Lane opening Pandora’s Box, and there’s only another person who would do just that.
But first: a story with Jimmy Olsen taking his fan club to a science fair.
I would wonder “who does that?” (and I do), but I’m more distracted by the fact that we see the first African-American in a Jimmy story.
Then things continue to get better with Jimmy Olsen on the electric chair.
No, this is actually his way to demonstrate that “a tremendous super-charge” is harmless.
I have no freaking clue about what he’s talking about.
This might look like Silver Age nonsense, but it’s actually a real thing!
Jimmy calls it a bolometer but it’s actually a radiometer. I have one of these and it’s kind of cool.
But enough about nerdy gadgets: Superman is kidnapped by some aliens who ask for 1,000 pounds of Kryptonite as ransom!
Well that escalated quickly.
Both Supergirl and Krypto are in space at the moment, so there’s nobody to help Superman.
Except for the Army that tries to free Superman with nuclear weapons.
So there’s nobody to help Superman.
(and who the hell let Jimmy Olsen inside the Pentagon!?!?)
Jimmy, how dare you! What would Superman say about this plan?
Sounds legit.
How hard is it going to be to find 1,000 pounds of Kryptonite? The stuff is EVERYWHERE!
In fact 1,000 pounds is such a pitiful amount that Jimmy wants MORE.
Just how much more? FIFTY TONS OF KRYPTONITE.
I know this looks bad…
…but it’s the perfect opportunity for “Guess the stupid ending”!
A) Superman is actually immune from Kryptonite
B) It’s not real Kryptonite
C) It’s all just a dream
D) Superman is actually Mon-El
E) Superman is actually a robot
Place your bets!
If you guessed A, congratulations on surviving your brain damage!
Remember kids: a small dose of radiation is dangerous, but a colossal amount of radioactive material is harmless!!!
There aren’t enough WTFs in the universe for this…
Let’s move to the cover story, which begins with Jimmy accompanying Lana Lang and her archeologist father in an expedition. I have to give Jimmy credit: he opens Pandora’s Box on page one! Even Lois waited until page six.
After they leave the expedition site, they are ambushed by the demons and Lana’s father dies. (!!!)
Well… that escalated quickly.
Superman takes Jimmy to the Fortress of Solitude to recover, where Jimmy also kills the entire population of Kandor. (!!!)
But he feels better when they take him to Atlantean psychiatrists.
A rare appearance of Lori’s younger sister Lenora, who actually debuted on Supergirl and is barely ever seen.
Glad to see that Jimmy is feeling fine again.
I guess the demons were just in Jimmy’s head, because not only nobody can see them, but they seem to have absolutely no effect on Superman.
One last round of “Guess the stupid ending”! Place your bets!
A) It’s all just a prank from Superman
B) It’s all just a prank from Lana Lang
C) It’s all just a hallucination, Jimmy didn’t kill anyone
D) It’s all just a dream, nothing actually happened
Can you guess?
And the answer is… D, it’s all just a dream and nothing actually happened.
Except to those who wasted time reading this.
So… was Jimmy also dreaming about what everyone was thinking? Including Lori’s sister, which I’m pretty sure he’s never actually met?
Historical significance: 0/10
In case you’re wondering: no, this is the only story where more Kryptonite doesn’t mean more deadly radiation for Superman.
Silver Age-ness
First story: 10/10
Fifty tons of Kryptonite are harmless!!!
Second story: 8/10
Is there any other era where “it was all just a dream” is so prevalent?
Does it stand the test of time?
First story: 0/10
The entire story is based on an idea that completely contradict how Kryptonite typically works, so…
Second story: 0/10
No. Just… just no.
Stupid Jimmy Olsen moment
First story: I know it works out in the end, but I’m going with Jimmy figuring out that more Kryptonite makes it harmless because WTF?!?!?
Second story: even if Jimmy didn’t know that Lois was actually the original Pandora, considering the number of times he’s had to deal with the supernatural you’d think that he would take the curse seriously!