JIMMY OLSEN 83 (1965)
“The Great Miss Universe Contest!” by Sam Rolfe & Curt Swan
“Jimmy Olsen’s Captive Double!” by Jerry Siegel & Curt Swan
This is an odd case; I could not find any other comic written by Sam Rolfe.
I also could not find definitive proof that this is the same guy who created the TV series The Man From U.N.C.L.E and co-created Have Gun – Will Travel. It’s possible that it’s another guy.
For what it’s worth this story was published when The Man From U.N.C.L.E was still airing its first season, so it’s unlikely that we’re talking about the same guy, but who knows.
Whoever Sam Rolfe was he didn’t write the cover story, but this one:
We begin with Jimmy Olsen and Perry White leaving the Daily Planet in fancy clothes for different reasons.
Jimmy is performing tricks for his fan club with a belt given to him by the Legion’s Brainiac 5.
In my headcanon, this is an experiment to figure out how humans can operate complex machinery even if they have brain damage.
Also how the heck does a random kid from 20th century Metropolis even know who Brainiac 5 is!?
I can kind of excuse the present day people knowing some of the Legionnaires, since they interacted with Superboy many times, but Brainiac 5 absolutely shouldn’t be one of them. Unless you want the original Brainiac to know he has a good guy descendant!
The belt also makes Jimmy fly (the only good news is that apparently he didn’t get the Legion’s flight ring), and it can also turn people invisible because Silver Age.
All of this just so that Jimmy can take Perry’s place as a judge in a beauty contest.
I’m sure this won’t be a conflict of interest. I mean, it’s not like his girlfriend is participating in a beauty contest judged by his boss without telling Jimmy, right?
Jimmy wants Lucy to win, but something changes the vote for Miss Platonia.
And since Miss Platonia wins with an unanimous vote, Lucy figures out what’s up.
Miss Platonia is a girl called Dialla, and for once Jimmy is surprised that someone knows his name. Normally he assumes that the entire planet knows him (and sadly he’s typically right!).
I think she’s a vampire.
And she has the appetite of an anime protagonist.
Maybe a telekinetic vampire?
An alien telekinetic vampire?
I’ll settle for shapeshifting alien telekinetic vampire.
Well at least she gives Jimmy a look that better reflects his personality.
By which I mean he looks like ###.
Jimmy is about to be doomed to a life on Platonia, but an invisible force saves him.
Ah, yes, we did have an invisible character around.
Sooo… Perry White knows how to pilot a spaceship?
Sounds legit.
Okay, I’ve never actually seen a single episode of The Man From U.N.C.L.E or of Have Gun – Will Travel, but I assume they’re far better than this story.
Moving to the cover story, we continue the trend of better writers infected by Jimmy’s idiocy, because it’s by Superman creator Jerry Siegel.
Apparently the police isn’t available whenever Superman leaves Earth, because Perry and Lois trust Jimmy Olsen to save their lives.
Is he going to contact the Legion? Or pray to Professor Potter almighty?
No, he contacts Kandor’s latest absurdity: the Look-Alike Squad.
If you’re thinking “well this makes perfect sense, we’ve already seen that Kandor is full of people who look exactly like ones from another planet”… congratulations, you have achieved full Silver Age-ness.
For example, if you ask yourself “Wait a minute, since when does Jimmy have a grow ray? And if its effects last 24 hours, why not just enlarge all Kryptonians and expose them to the ray once a day?”… see, that’s the opposite of Silver Age-ness.
Jimmy’s plan to stop the Mad Bomber is by letting him do whatever he wants.
Jimmy… you know a bomb doesn’t necessarily hurt ONLY the target right? But who cares for any innocent bystander, they’re not Superman’s friends!
Unfortunately it turns out that Perry’s Kandorian doppelganger, Ar-Rone, is actually working for the Superman Revenge Squad.
Wait wait wait, let me get this straight.
You want to kill the members of the L.A.S, who don’t have any powers while on Kandor, and to do that you come up with a scheme that requires them to get super-powers when they’re on Earth?
I can’t believe I’m saying this, but the real Perry White wouldn’t be THIS stupid.
But enough about trying to find logic in the Silver Age: time for some hijinks!
But apparently Lucy enjoys being treated like dirt. Color me shocked…
Ar-Rone’s master plan, however, was to turn Jimmy Olsen evil. (WTF?)
Of course he had to turn Jimmy Olsen evil: he couldn’t use the growth-ray by himself because… I’ve got nothing.
Also if you can brainwash a guy who has a Gold Kryptonite Ray Gun ™ and you want to kill Superman, maybe hypnotize it to USE IT AGAINST SUPERMAN!?!?
I guess Ar-Rone didn’t want to get too close to the Gold Kryptonite, but still, this is ridiculous and not in a fun way.
But we are at the last page, so how are we going to resolve this?
Well that was stupid. But this is Jimmy Olsen, so we can always add something MORE stupid at the very last second.
Historical significance: 0/10
The last story even goes out of its way to remove every possible impact, but I wouldn’t be surprised to see the look-alikes again.
Silver Age-ness: 10/10
Shapeshifting alien telekinetic vampires and alien look-alikes using Gold Kryptonite!
Does it stand the test of time?
First story: 0/10
The whole “Miss Universe is actually an alien” has been done to death.
Second story: 0/10
Even by Silver Age standards, the bad guy’s plan makes no sense.
Stupid Jimmy Olsen moment
First story: We are now at what, five alien women convincing Jimmy to marry them? Seven?
Second story: Why doesn’t anybody ever call the cops in these stories!?