ACTION COMICS 392 (1970)
“The Legionnaires Who Never Were!” by Cary Bates & Win Mortimer
“The Shame of the Super-Son!” by Robert Kanigher & Ross Andru
Cover by Curt Swan
The last issue of the Action Comics era.
We’ve been in the 70s for a while, but here’s where the REAL 70s begin for the Legion: with Saturn Girl’s new costume.
She’s hunting down a criminal with Princess Projectra, and the two girls are taken down.
Once they get back to Earth, they’re captured by their own headquarters.
Turns out that the rest of the Legion doesn’t even remember they exist!
If this was a Jimmy Olsen story, it would be because of Saturn Girl’s new costume.
They’ve even been erased from the mission monitor (called the “archive computer” this time).
Not only they’ve lost their powers, but the girls have been replaced by gender-bent version of themselves.
These costumes don’t look very flattering on guys. Just saying.
The girls are put in an energy prison, and both have valid pre-Crisis explanations.
Is this all just a dream?
Or maybe this is not Earth-A ?
That will have to wait, because Projectra has an idea on how to escape the bubble-shaped force field: Flight Rings!
I have to imagine this worked because the Legion though their prisoners didn’t have any powers.
Projectra sneaks into Karate Kid’s quarters, where she tries to make him remember that they’re a couple.
Just kidding: she takes him out with knockout lipstick. (!!!!)
However, plot twist: she has figured out that she has NOT lost her illusion powers!
She when she into “Prince Projectur”, Instead of fighting him she pretends to be a damsel in distress…
…and discovers that he’s actually Brainiac 5 in whiteface.
So, what’s going on? Well, it turns out that the computer predicted that Projectra was just about to snap…
…and the Legionnaires made up the whole thing as an exercise, with Saturn Girl being the one to grade Projectra’s performance.
“Saturn Lad” was Sun Boy, by the way. I never figured he’d be the one to wear a one-piece swimsuit with high heels.
And how did Projectra figure out the truth? Because Brainiac 5 accidentally called her by her nickname.
And so we end with Mon-El taking the oath to become the next Legion leader (administered by the “adult supervisor”… an uncredited Marla from all the way back from Ultra Boy’s origin), with Element Lad as deputy.
A pretty forgettable story which is kind of appropriate for ending the Action Comics era.
But I haven’t forgotten the REAL stars of this issue: the Super-Sons!
A.k.a. the continued saga of Superman hating his son.
Even HE knows that he’s a terrible father!
I swear Superman is overjoyed whenever he gets to publicly humiliate his son.
I mean… it’s fair to say that Junior shouldn’t use his powers against regular people, but maybe JUST TELL HIM before he competes instead of after!?
Last issue we saw Superman permanently take away Junior’s powers. Batman is informed by his wife (we never see her face, just like Superman’s wife)… while he’s watching TV in full costume!
Batman’s idea to help is to have a swimming pool party. In full costume.
These people NEVER take off their costumes and it’s always hilarious!!!
I love everything about this.
The fact that Batman Junior, who according to last issue is set to replace Batman shortly, is running around on a bicycle.
The fact that this party for 14 year olds has a competition for who can catch a balloon.
The fact that both Juniors go to this party, in costume, even when Superman Junior is powerless.
The fact that Batman Junior can’t resist humiliating his “friend” over and over again.
The fact that Superman is EVEN MORE pathetic than his son!!!
Junior even discovers this by pure accident, walking into the store IN COSTUME BUT WITHOUT POWERS.
The criminals take both father and son hostage, and Junior does the ONLY good thing he has done so far: cause a car crash!
To be fair, Junior was wearing his costume only because his mother told him so. Was she trying to get him killed!?
Superman takes his son to Kandor, where they both get to wear bracelet on… wait, this is STILL Junior’s 14th birthday? That was last issue! Everything so far has been happening during the same day!?
Back to the Fortress of Solitude, the two are attacked by a monster.
Superman Junior saves the day! Wait, WHAT!?
Yes! It turns out that Superman regrets removing Junior’s powers, so he arranged all of this to give him HIS powers!
Superman says it’s because Junior saved his life from Kryptonite… but it’s actually his last desperate attempt to one-up Batman.
Silver Age Superman. Is. THE. WORST.
Historical significance
Legion story: 2/10
The fact that Saturn Girl has a new costume is really the ONLY thing of consequence here.
Super-sons: 0/10
The super-sons will prove popular enough to return (BUT WHY!?), but I’m pretty sure Superman will get his powers back.
Silver Age-ness
Legion story: 5/10
A fairly typical “these people have way too much time on their hands” kind of story for the era.
Super-sons: 10/10
So we’re never going to talk about the bracelets that can switch Kryptonian powers, right? I thought so.
Does it stand the test of time?
Legion story: 4/10
There’s some good stuff here… Projectra playing with expectations both with the kiss and the damsel-in-distress fakeout… but the Legion’s “test” is a really dumb idea.
Super-sons: -30/10
Marginally less hateful than the first part, but holy crap!!!
We are legion
25 Legionnaires
3 reserve members: Kid Psycho, Insect Queen, Superboy
3 honorary members: Elastic Lad, Pete Ross, Rond Vidar
1 resigned member: Command Kid
1 expelled member: Nemesis Kid
2 deceased members: Dynamo Boy, Ferro Lad
How much Legion is too much?
The total number of characters who have been members is 35.
Bonus round: from Adventure Comics #403 (which reprinted older issues), we get the origin of Saturn Girl’s new costume. As well as Duo Damsel’s although she won’t wear it for a couple more issues.
Interestingly, while the costume chosen for Saturn Girl went in a completely different direction from her classic one, they had a far more conservative design ready.
The unused designs are… something.
Light Lass isn’t that bad and Shrinking Violet looks like a prototype for future Legionnaire Dawnstar, but Phantom Girl is HILARIOUS.
Shadow Lass and Princess Projectra will wear these for ONE issue, and Lightning Lad will be fortunate enough to never wear this atrocity.
And finally we have a new diagram for the Legion hadquarters. Love it when we get to see one of these!
