LOIS LANE #82 (1968)
by Leo Dorfman & Irv Novick
Cover by Neal Adams
Irv Novick becomes the new regular artist, but at least we still have Neal Adams on the cover.
We begin with Lois with a broken arm. You might think this will lead to her suspecting Clark is Superman by the way he signs her cast. But no, nothing will make THAT much sense here.
No, the plot actually starts with Superman inspecting an UFO… and then being distracted by an old lady…
…who actually turns out to be a jewel thief, who Superman brings to the police without inspecting the UFO.
Okay, first of all: what the heck was the thief doing there? The UFO is in the middle of nowhere!
Second: that keeps Superman away long enough for Lois to snoop around!
What’s so special about this spaceship? It’s a time machine.
Which, come to think of it, is not special at all in the Superman books.
The time machine activates on its own and brings Lois to the year 4,028 to kill some poor driver.
This is all some kind of class experiment. Glad to see that teenagers messing around with time travel isn’t a 30th century exclusive!
Don’t worry for the poor driver, though. The Frigidron ™ has her covered.
If you think “Frigridron” is a terrible name for an invention… it’s not the worst name.
Jokes aside, 40th century medicine seems to be the real deal.
Lois gets a tour of the 40th century, including a glimpse at her own tomb!
I like the fact that Lois isn’t really shocked to see that she’s dead and that her first instinct is to get spoilers.
Yes, turns out Lois will die on her honeymoon. I’m tempted to make a Man of steel, woman of Kleenex here, but apparently Superman will be killed by these losers.
Their plan requires them to SUDDEN GOLD KRYPTONITE!
She goes back in time to warn Superman… who after making a joke about saving her measurements (WTF!?) immediately proposes!
Also, “a time-journey without telling me?”. YEESH.
Lois makes a feeble attempt to reject him, but seriously, how can a woman say no to that S ?
A somewhat rare appearance of the Silver Age version of the Lane parents.
And so Lois marries Superman for what feels like the 4,000th time.
There’s still the problem of avoiding being killed on the honeymoon, since history seems to be following what Lois learned in the 40th century.
Luckily Superman has a solution!
Or not.
And so history repeats itself perfectly because Lois Lane is a freakin’ idiot.
Well that was quick.
Historical significance: 0/10
Can you believe nobody noticed that Superman dies in this?
Just kidding!
Superman easily takes care of the Executioners and we jump straight to the explanation of what the heck just happened.
First of all: he just noticed something weird after inspecting the gifts the couple received.
Now you might be thinking: this means that Superman really did propose on his own, right?
NOPE!
Okay. Hold on.
You have a machine that can brainwash Superman and you have Gold Kryptonite.
You would expect anyone with a brain to come up with a simple plan:
Step 1) Hypnotize Superman to go near the Gold Kryptonite
Step 2) … no there’s no need for a Step 2 IF YOU CAN BRAINWASH SUPERMAN!!!
I swear on Professor Potter, these morons make Jimmy Olsen look like Brainiac 5 by comparison.
But wait, we are not done with stupid things! Because I forgot to mention that the city that Lois visited was called… Katraz.
So of course:
You might think that Katraz is just the Alcatraz of the future, but nope! It’s a prison for “law-breakers descended from evil-doers of the past”, which sounds just a little like eugenics.
I never thought I would agree with the sentiment of “Let’s go back to the Silver Age, where things make sense”.
Things have changed from the previous Lois Lane years, though: this time around SHE is the one to ask for the wedding to be annulled.
Don’t worry, I’m sure marriage #4,001 will be totally legit.
Historical significance: 0/10
Okay they didn’t really kill Superman, but it’s still completely forgotten.
Silver Age-ness: 9/10
Katraz alone couldn’t be done so light-heartedly in any other era.
Does it stand the test of time? 2/10
You can clearly see the attempt to make Lois more independent and less of a stalker, even if it doesn’t work. Unfortunately Superman is a complete tool this time around, the villains are unbelievably dumb and the final revelation is just insane. Irv Novick is no Shaffenberger, but his art is pretty good in this one (even if the villains are a little too goofy).
Stupid Lois Lane moment
She lasts what, five seconds before giving up trying to prevent her death by refusing to marry Superman?
Interesting letters: the reactions from issue 80 are in, and I couldn’t agree more with the first one.
Also an interesting case for reading Lois Lane. I agree with the sentiment and I hope this guy kept reading comics long enough to read the character she became post-Crisis.
What kind of “quarantined prison island” provides its inmates with time machines for use by its high schoolers?