METAL MEN 14 (1965)
by Robert Kanigher & Ross Andru
I can’t even make a joke about the Metal Men losing their heads, because… you know.
We begin with the Metal Men visiting “the high school of science” (???) and joking about removing their heads.
Can we get ONE close-up of Doc Magnus where he doesn’t look like a supervillain?
Even without their heads, the Metal Men are still without a brain.
Also: yet another point for the “liquid at room temperature” counting.
The public is surprisingly chill about robots building other robots. And also you’re not fooling anyone, Doc, you’re just embarrassed by her presence.
As the team returns home on their flying saucer, they cross a plane that’s been shot by the sea!
Here’s hoping it’s not Neptune again.
Just how powerful is that saucer if it can hold up an entire plane like that!?
Lead shields them from the blast, but since it’s chemical in nature he’s dead.
Doc has been complaining so much about his creations being defective that Gold commits suicide!!!
And he’s even been gaslighted so much that he believes it’s for the best!!!
Not crazy enough for you? The entire rest of the team commits suicide as well!!!
Tina would also want to die (!!!) but decides not to because she wants to save Doc.
When did this silly comic about wacky robots become so dark!?
So Tina survives because she wants to save a life, and Mercury survives because he’s a jackass.
Sounds legit.
Can we get ANY scene with Mercury where he’s not absolutely unbearable!?
Studying the remains of Lead gives Doc a lead (pun intended) to what was behind the chemical blast.
Who would’ve thought it was the villain on the cover?
If you’re wondering “wait a minute, since when does Chemo have super-breath?”, it’s nothing compared to the next random superpower he gets… telepathy!
Your irregular reminder that Chemo is, in fact, quite awesome.
For once Tina obeys Doc’s orders and leaves to recover the rest of the Metal Men, while Chemo is busy melting a skyscraper. This time we don’t get a mention that the building is empty because it’s a holiday.
Unfortunately since Mercury is eager to lead the Metal Men he purposefully didn’t assemble their heads. This gives Chemo the idea to decapitate both him and Tina!
There’s never any consistency about what can kill a Metal Man. Lead died from his chemical blast, but Tina and Mercury are fine!
Well… relatively speaking.
Man, this just isn’t Lead’s day. That’s one additional death for him AND Gold.
So who’s saving the day this time? Tin and Nameless with a suicide attack!!!
That’s cool and all, but… can’t ALL the Metal Men basically do the same thing as them? Without dying, even!? And why doesn’t Chemo use his chemical blast since it was clearly damaging Tin as well!?!?
Congratulations, Nameless, you got both your first AND your second death already!
Also: it takes weeks to rebuild these robots? Considering how often they die, how much time has passed since their first appearance!?
Bonus: I don’t typically cover the page about facts about chemistry, but this time it’s about Tin.
Metal Men significance: 0/10
Silver Age-ness: 106/10
Does it stand the test of time? 0/10
“Mercury is the only liquid metal at room temperature”: 11
Times Nameless has died: 2
Times Platinum has died: 9
Times Mercury has died: 12
Times Lead has died: 14
Times Gold has died: 14
Times Tin has died: 14
Times Iron has died: 14