METAL MEN 15 (1965)
by Robert Kanigher & Ross Andru
The Metal Men finally admitting they’re nuts.
We begin with the Metal Men reading fanmail about how to name Nameless.
Considering one of the options is “Tinkle”, maybe it’s for the best to keep her Nameless.
It’s not like she even cares.
Doc Magnus gets a personal letter, which makes Tina jealous.
“Pasted-together girls” is a new insult.
It’s not a love letter, though.
Especially since IT EXPLODES, with enough force to kill Tina!
And a bunch of readers suddenly realized they are robosexual.
Hey, no judging.
Some of the most memorable superhero battle cries…
“Avengers assemble!”
“It’s clobbering time!”
“N.U.T.S. to B.O.L.T.S.!”
Wow, Kanigher is really, REALLY proud of this one.
And so “The man from N.U.T.S.” goes to the “Mechanical Men Inventors Association” to see just how much other people robots suck, even if he knows that makes him a target for B.O.L.T.S.
So of course:
And now, ladies and gentlemen, is where the insanity ramps up. Because B.O.L.T.S. is not an organization: it’s a giant evil robot!
A communist giant evil robot!
The Metal Men show up to fight B.O.L.T.S., who can spit fire, by turning half the team into this:
AND IT WORKS.
Iron is on a roll, also taking care of the smaller robot minions!
Did… did the giant communist evil robot just pull a smoke pellet disappearing act!?
Seems like the a great moment for Doc Magnus to stop caring. (????)
That’s on page 15. As a reminder, this was page 6:
I have no idea if whatshername is one of Doc’s previous romantic interests, but she might be telepathic.
Maybe it’s for the best. I don’t know if you want to date a guy who has installed A BAZOOKA into his sports car!!!
You know, I’m beginning B.O.L.T.S. is kind of N.U.T.S.
As a reminder, the Metal Men own a flying saucer who can fly to other star systems. So of course their preferred method of transportation is turning into a giant wheel.
Since B.O.L.T.S. is a giant evil communist robot with flamethrowers and machine guns, not to mention immense strength, his preferred method for killing humans is stuffing them into a press.
“It’s N.U.T.S. to B.O.L.T.S. time!”
“N.U.T.S. Assemble!”
Aaaand they fail. What a shocker.
At this point you might be thinking things couldn’t possible get weirder, but… the giant evil communist terrorist robot falls in love with Nameless!!!
And B.O.L.T.S. ends up killing itself by chasing after her!!!
Please note that ALL the Metal Men die in this issue… except Nameless.
This story S.U.C.K.S.
Metal Men significance: 4/10
Believe it or not but B.O.L.T.S. will return, after the end of the series, for a somewhat significant moment.
Silver Age-ness: 1012/10
Does it stand the test of time? 0/10
Times Nameless has died: 2
Times Platinum has died: 10
Times Mercury has died: 13
Times Lead has died: 15
Times Gold has died: 15
Times Tin has died: 15
Times Iron has died: 15