“Superman’s Pal Jimmy Olsen” will be renamed “Superman Family” after issue 163, where he will share the title with other characters.
Before we get to that there’s a multi-part story, so I might as well treat it as one.
JIMMY OLSEN 159 (1973)
by David George & Kurt Schaffenberger
It continues the Not Aunt May storyline after last issue; like that one all the parts are written by David George, except for a single one by Leo Dorfman (who is writing the cover stories of #159 and #160 which I’m skipping since they’re not particularly interesting).
Speaking of Not Aunt May, she saves Jimmy’s life from a would-be assassin.
I still can’t believe Jimmy is treated almost like a superhero in the 70s.
Not Aunt May repeatedly saves Jimmy from multiple assassination attempts. Not that he notices!
Superman learns about her real identity, but he doesn’t tell Jimmy because he is just. The. Worst.
Historical significance: 1/10
Not Aunt May’s real identity DOES have significance, but this part is completely skippable.
Silver Age-ness: 2/10
Only as a reflection of the eventual secret.
Does it stand the test of time?4/10
It’s not bad, but at 5 pages it doesn’t have time to say anything at all.
Stupid Jimmy Olsen moment
Even in a 5 page comic Jimmy STILL manages to be an idiot by completely missing that Not Aunt May is continuously saving his life.
Bonus: #159 also includes yet another time Jimmy dresses as a woman.
No, not the second. And not the third time either.
Its only notable moment, other than good Schaffenberger artwork, is that Jimmy is caught because as we all know it’s physically impossible for a woman to leave the house without nail polish. (WTF!?)
If you absolutely, positively must read a Jimmy Olsen story where he dresses like a woman… read Jimmy Olsen #44 because it’s hilarious, but this one is objectively the best written one.
JIMMY OLSEN 160 (1973)
by Leo Dorfman & Kurt Schaffenberger
The story is continued by Dorfman, who is going a little overboard trying to make Jimmy look cool.
I understand this is a plug for Lois Lane #120, but it comes across as her saying “it’s been two years since my sister died and you still care? Because I sure don’t!”.
We continue the adventures of Not Aunt May stalking Jimmy, this time following him as he’s participating in the Very Subtle Metaphor Race.
So of course Jimmy crashes, leading to the worst possible way to do CPR.
But FOR ONCE Jimmy shows he has two functioning brain cells (!!!) and finds it strange that the woman is always around whenever he’s in danger!
And so we have finally reached the moment where we discover who Not Aunt May really is.
Okay, so get this: first Lucy survived the falls AND attacks from vicious animals AND jungle fever…
…only to be saved by some weird herbs that turn her into an old woman.
Sounds legit.
Cut to Jimmy saying the worst possible thing in three, two, one…
Jimmy saves her life from the fall… but also wonders how quickly he can dump her.
Always a class act, isn’t he?
Historical significance: 6/10
Revealing Lucy is still alive. If we go by the letters page of Lois Lane, this wasn’t programmed… she really was supposed to die in that issue.
Silver Age-ness: 8/10
So we’re never going to address the miracle herbs that can cure jungle fever, right?
Does it stand the test of time? 5/10
Most of the story is a summary of the Lois Lane issue, and the final twist comes out of nowhere.
Stupid Jimmy Olsen moment
If he was anybody else, “can I still love her after what happened” would refer to their various fights. But since this is Jimmy, “what happened” is that Lucy isn’t hot anymore.
JIMMY OLSEN 161 (1973)
“The Face of a Nightmare!” by David George & Kurt Schaffenberger
The previous story was by Dorfman. The final part of the story is by David George, who I guess has a different opinion about old ladies since we immediately begin with Jimmy making out with Milf Lane.
Jimmy then gets Milf Lane a job at a children’s hospital.
Wait a second… I don’t doubt that stewardesses must study first aid and stuff, but is she seriously a real nurse!?
There’s more actual science in these three panels than in the entire Jack Kirby run, and I’m willing to fight anyone over this.
The following day, Jimmy entertains the children with an alien souvenir.
I’m seriously worried about these kids.
I see these two idiots are back to their old shtick of being awful to each other all the time.
Then there’s a fire in the hospital (???), and Jimmy has to save Milf Lane… at least until her mask slips away.
AND THAT’S HOW WE DISCOVERED THE CURE FOR AGING.
THANKS A LOT, JIMMY!!!
And so we end with Lucy restored to her real age (except her hair stays white), meaning she IMMEDIATELY dumps Jimmy.
Clearly the only possible ending for that relationship.
Historical significance: 6/10
The OTHER story to restore Lucy’s status quo (hair color notwithstanding).
Silver Age-ness: 10/10
We just threw away the cure for aging in a throwaway story about Milf Lane!!!
Does it stand the test of time? 0/10
As always, the Schaffenberger art is the only saving grace.
Stupid Jimmy Olsen moment
If this comic was even slightly less stupid, Jimmy would’ve cause Lucy’s death by not securing the mask.
And that concludes the Saga Of Milf Lane, but there’s still one thing… the cover story of #161.
By the cover alone, it was clear I just had to review it.
JIMMY OLSEN 161 (1973)
“The Olsen experiment” by Leo Dorfman & Kurt Schaffenberger
How to successfully describe Jimmy Olsen in just two panels.
Jimmy just contaminated himself with Destructon™, which means anything in his vicinity will be destroyed.
Destructon™ is pretty powerful stuff, but luckily for us it can’t compete with the Comics Code.
Amazingly, washing himself in a lake doesn’t counteract the contamination with the Destructon™ particles.
Okay, if you’re Superman and you know about this… where do you leave Jimmy Olsen?
A) the Fortress of Solitude
B) the Phantom Zone
C) another planet
D) anywhere that is not a populated place you psychopathic idiot!!!!!
E) where he can do even more damage
Fortunately for the citizens of Metropolis, this comic is dumb enough to have Jimmy come across some robbers who SOMEHOW are the only ones affected.
But don’t worry: even if he’s doing something good, Jimmy manages to screw it up.
Superman’s solution is to give Jimmy an indestructible suit that blocks his power.
Not gonna lie, the cross & crossbones made me laugh out loud.
Nobody writes Jimmy like Dorfman. By which I mean nobody writes him this dumb.
Then things get so bad that even Superman is affected.
But then Superman saves the day by dropping the signal-watch. Couldn’t he do this 160 issues ago!?
And so we end the story with the revelation that:
1) Jimmy is an idiot for not considering the watch could be contaminated
2) Superman is an idiot for letting Jimmy keep a watch that has caused more harm than good
Historical significance: 0/10
The first casualty of Jimmy’s new power.
Silver Age-ness: 10/10
Only in the Silver Age you could introduce Destructon™ and completely forget about it.
Does it stand the test of time? 0/10
The second casualty of Jimmy’s power.
Stupid Jimmy Olsen moment
Why would you take off your gloves KNOWING the effect you have!?!?
Superpowers count: 47
Yes, finally a new addition! It’s been ages since last time, but I can add “Destructive aura” to the list.
Interesting letters: nearly everyone guessed that Not Aunt May was Lucy Lane.
