JIMMY OLSEN 163 (1974)
by Leo Dorfman & Kurt Schaffenberger
cover by Nick Cardy
And here we are. It’s taken me almost two years from the first review, but we have reached the last issue of “Superman’s Pal Jimmy Olsen” (before the series changes into “Superman Family”).
We begin with Jimmy being acclaimed like a hero for raising money for a hospital ship, which… okay props for doing something good, but HOW!?
And somebody is already dying on the hospital ship: an alien!
It turns out this alien was secretly behind a couple of Jimmy adventures I skipped, where he went back in time to become Spartacus and Marco Polo.
And no, I’m not reviewing those because despite the goofy premise they’re rather boring.
And we’re apparently retconning those stories into Jimmy being a reincarnation of both historical figures, because at this point why not.
This comes absolutely out of nowhere, but apparently we are supposed to take reincarnation VERY seriously now.
All of this just so that Jimmy can randomly travel back in time AGAIN and be Marco Polo AGAIN.
Well he’s about to get his head chopped off, so at least something good might come from this.
But a genie befriended by Jimmy unfortunately saves his life.
So… is this going to be a buddy comedy with Jimmy and the genie?
Nope!
And the underserved rewards keep on coming, with Jimmy now being hailed by Kublai Khan as a hero.
He even arranges for Jimmy to learn kung fu, which I guess he though was a modern fad and not a real martial art.
A quick research tells me that kung fu might be thousands of years old, in case you need further proof that Jimmy is a complete idiot.
I have the slight feeling that this might have absolutely nothing to do with kung fu, though.
Jimmy ends up saving Kublai Khan from an assassination attempt…
…which ends up with him effectively becoming EMPEROR OF CHINA.
Luckily for civilization the people of China are not complete f##king morons and don’t buy ANY of this.
Even when Jimmy threatens to unleash the powers of the genie against the people (!!!!), they end up STONING HIM TO DEATH.
Well, either that or Jimmy has been tripping balls this entire time.
And that is why Jimmy Olsen is one of the greatest heroes in history.
I’m… going to need a minute to properly process the idea.
What a perfect way to end the Jimmy Olsen series. Perfectly awful that is.
Historical significance: 0/10
Historians have serious doubts about several things Marco Polo wrote about China, so it’s no wonder that the Jimmy version is sliiiiighly more historically inaccurate.
Silver Age-ness: 10/10
JIMMY OLSEN: EMPEROR OF CHINA.
Does it stand the test of time? 0/10
This was AWFUL. We waste 3 full pages of a 14 page story to explain the retcon about reincarnation, and that’s just after a splash page that is only there to reveal the existence of the hospital ship (which serves no purpose in the story!).
Stupid Jimmy Olsen moment
Jimmy has the powers of a genie at his disposal… and he doesn’t event think about wishing to return to the 20th century!!! Then again, since when can Jimmy Olsen think?