FANTASTIC FOUR #318 (1988)
by Steve Englehart & Keith Pollard
cover by Ron Frenz
When the Thing was changed into his new form just prior to Fantastic Four #311, we were told his new form was as strong as the Hulk.
Since the Hulk himself was in his “Joe Fixit” persona at the time and therefore explicitly weaker than the “Savage Hulk” persona, it was only natural to wonder: what would happen if the two of them got into a fight?
Doom does show up in the very last panel of Incredible Hulk #349, but that’s not enough to warrant a full review.
I’m bringing it up because that cameo happened in the apartment Joe Fixit has in Las Vegas, while this story opens in the desert. I assume there was some miscommunication between pencilers, but it’s addressed (somewhat awkwardly) in a throwaway line.
I kind of wonder why Hulk wants to kill Doom. They’ve barely interacted at all (since Avengers 1.5 is a continuity insert): they’ve crossed paths in Hulk #143 and Secret Wars.
I guess Hulk might still be mad from Hulk #143, because he barely interacted with Doom in Secret Wars.
Since I haven’t covered what was happening to the Hulk at the time, a quick recap of what’s important to this crossover:
A) the world believes the Hulk is dead
B) the grey Hulk, calling himself Joe Fixit, is not as strong as he used to be but he’s quite smart and has a mean streak
Mind you that “not as strong as the old Hulk” doesn’t mean he’s not still incredibly dangerous, but Doom has an awesome device to keep him still long enough to talk:
Doom explains to Hulk what happened with Kristoff, and wants to recruit him as a pawn.
Since this is the Joe Fixit persona, he wants money out of it. Doom offers him a position in his government (!!!), but Hulk refuses for rather obvious reasons.
I mentioned that the grey Hulk is smart. That’s because his series is written by Peter David.
I might have a bias, since David is one of my absolute favorite writes, but I honestly doubt he would write Joe Fixit being tricked so easily.
The fact that he’s not as strong as he used to be is one of the things that sets off Joe Fixit, sure, but believing Doctor Freaking Doom is going to trust the Thing on this? Really!?
Hulk attacks the Thing, who naturally doesn’t recognize him. I appreciate the effort of not making him talk the entire fight in order to keep the secret, but the fact that he uses a jetpack for a couple of panels feels very off.
Naturally, nearly the entire issue is a big dumb fight.
The Thing does manage to clobber the grey Hulk pretty decisively.
Which isn’t very useful since this is the moment the green Hulk shows up!
INCREDIBLE HULK #350 (1988)
by Peter David & Jeff Purves
Time for a rematch, and judging by the cover Doom is going to be the referee.
While the Thing is busy fighting the green Hulk, Doctor Doom shows up to talk business with the grey one.
Doom explains that the “green Hulk” is actually a robot. This is a rather deep cut: the robot showed up on the first Eternals series, when it hadn’t been established yet that the Kirby book belonged to the Marvel Universe.
Interesting to see Doom praise the creators of the robot: it was actually a couple of students, and the robot is so massively powerful only because it happened to be accidentally powered by the Eternals’ Uni-Mind. (it was a Kirby book, so that’s not the weirdest thing that happened)
The robot will get a surprising amount of appearances (it’ll even get to fight Doom).
This is when the story begins to redeem the grey Hulk: whereas Englehart just treated him like an arrogant thug, Peter David will take a different path.
The Thing easily breaks the green Hulk robot, reasoning the grey one must be a robot as well.
Hulk’s strategy is nothing short of ingenious: first he takes advantage of the Thing being much heavier than before to make him tired, jumping from place to place and forcing him to run repeatedly. For ONE HOUR.
Then he tricks the Thing into the water, forcing him to drown with the Heimlich maneuver (!!!).
Only when the Thing manages to get out of the water, Hulk gets his last word in.
Hulk feels vindicated, having been able to defeat the Thing when the usual power balance is reversed. Doctor Doom feels great as well: because the Thing is down, of course, but I fail to see exactly what he was looking for during this entire storyline.
Doom significance: 0/10
It’s easy to forget Doom is even in this story.
Silver Age-ness
Fantastic Four: 4/10
This has got to be one of the most convoluted yet stupidly simple ways to get two heroes to fight.
Hulk: 2/10
On the account of the randomness that is the Hulk robot.
Does it stand the test of time?
Fantastic Four: 6/10
Overly simplistic, but there’s nothing wrong with a slugfest every once in a while. Even if Joe Fixit does come off as kind of an idiot here.
Hulk: 9/10
My Peter David bias is probably at work here, but this was great. We got to see the grey Hulk strategizing, his interaction with Doom is great, and Peter David doesn’t fall into the trap of putting the Thing in a bad light… he’s shown to be a very competent and smart fighter, and he has the excuse of being exhausted. The only things that prevent a 10/10 are the fact that Jeff Purves is not great at drawing action scenes, and the fact that the fight stretches THIS long with no hero showing up doesn’t hold up. There’s a very weak reason for the FF missing in their book… they’re on a trip, but the Human Torch isn’t called? And not a single other hero, even when the green Hulk shows up in broad daylight!?
It was a Doombot all along
This is such an inconsequential plan that I can easily see Doom leaving this one to a Doombot. ESPECIALLY the part about exploring the sewers.
Destroy the FF! : 47
Specifically the Thing, sure, but it still counts.
Crazy tech
Doom has a device that can scramble the motor functions of an opponent. Add that to the list of his “why does he ever lose if he has this thing” inventions.