Fantastic Four #330

FANTASTIC FOUR #330 (1989)
by Steve Englehart & Rich Buckler

This is part of Doom’s apocrypha: while published in the 80s, it’s not in continuity.
Steve Englehart signs this with the pseudonym John Harkness, as he does with the last issues of his run, in protest against the editorial direction.
A shame that this is where they used the cover because it’s actually pretty good.

At this point in the series, the Fantastic Four have been captured by a rogue Watcher and placed in suspended animation, while the rest of the book focused on clones of the FF with the same personality of the early 60s theme.
The rogue watcher is not a fan of 60s Susan.

The rest of the issue is technically a dream that the cryogenically frozen Invisible Woman is having.

In practice, this is Englehart writing what is ostensibly a “What if?” story that is basically “What if Englehart was allowed to stay in the book and write what he wanted?”.

Apparently the Invisible Woman dreams about how Kristoff rules Latveria.

So let’s have a look at how Englehart wanted to resolve the Doom-Kristoff feud, beginning with a page full of coloring errors showing Doom recruiting several villains.

Purple looks good on Doom.

That is one random assembly of villains! We have Master Pandemonium (who Englehart created on his West Coast Avengers run), Namor villain Attuma, Spider-Man villains Hobgoblin and Beetle, everyone’s villain Absorbing Man, freaking Dormammu, and for some reason the Hulk.

And Kang, bringing up once again his bogus relationship with Doom.

Needless to say, that group of villains makes absolutely no sense.
I kind of get Master Pandemonium (his whole deal is recovering his fractured soul from Mephisto so turning to Doom kind of makes sense), but the rest are just absurd.
Dormammu is VASTLY more powerful than any of these people put together (plus 99% of all superheroes put together), and he’s in the same team of Beetle!? WTF is he doing there!?

Well okay, but that doesn’t explain Hobgoblin. Or why Kristoff thought Doom would keep Beetle in his team if he sucks so much.

And yes, this is the ENTIRE roster following Doom. Leaving aside why he needs anyone besides Dormammu, IF Doom tried something like this wouldn’t he gather like 30 villains? At least?
Plus, you know, his own army of robots?

Aaaand they fail miserably.

Does Englehart have something against Spider-Man villains or what?

Kristoff has his own absolutely random army. Why the heck are four Spider-Man villains in the same team of Abomination (who is either as strong as Hulk or slightly stronger) and Annihilus!?

Continuing the inconsistence about what Kristoff believes, this time he thinks “fake Doom” is a robot and not an impostor who stole his body.
And speaking of inconsistencies: color!

Annihilus received a HUGE boost in popularity during Annihilation event, but I don’t remember him being considered a joke like this. I’m not saying Doom couldn’t defeat him, but one-shotting Annihilus is a stretch even for a Doom superfan.

Much like the canon Thor #410, this can only end with Doom and Kristoff facing each other.

Unlike that story, though, this once includes one of the most infuriating blunders I’ve ever seen in a Doctor Doom story.

Wait… did I read that right!?

Magda is Magneto’s dead wife, not Doctor Doom’s dead mother!!! For crying out loud, Englehart, I can forgive minor continuity mistakes but DID YOU EVER READ A DOOM STORY!?!?
*groan*

Is at least the rest of the big fight interesting or structured?

I guess not.

Doom’s army is victorious (pun intended), which leads to Kristoff bailing.

And NUKE LATVERIA.

Kristoff is still alive inside his vault. The entire world takes notice of an entire country being obliterated, but when a bunch of international superheroes show up… DOOM BLOWS UP WHAT IS LEFT.

Aaaand that’s how we get WWIII.

Or how we WOULD get WWIII if Kristoff didn’t decide to BLOW UP THE PLANET BY HIMSELF.

And I’m not exaggerating!!

Which makes the Watcher sad.

Once again I have to remind you that someone was paid to write, pencil, ink, publish and distribute this book. With money.
Notice I didn’t include “color” and “edit” because… yeah.

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Doom significance: ಠ_ಠ/10

Silver Age-ness: Dorothy/10

Does it stand the test of time? (๏_๏)/10

Should this have been canon?