There are only four issues where the Metal Men have their latest secret identities.
The last two will have some impact, but these two have basically nothing to do with the characters so I’m lumping those together.
METAL MEN 38 (1969)
by Mike Sekowsky
Okay so we have a series starring robots who were turned into secret agents last issue. So what’s the FIRST thing they get to fight? Witches, of course.
I think one of the many, many reasons why this relaunch failed spectacularly is that the characters are utterly unrecognizable. You can definitely tell which one is Tina, sure, but can you guess which of these is Tin and which is Lead?
(also what is it with Sekowsky’s insistence at making Lead as short as Tin!?!?)
This feels like a plot for a completely different series. It’s very atmospheric and competently penciled, I’ll give it that, but WHY is this here!?
Iron is the first one to bump into the… I wanna say demons… and like I said he’s still unrecognizable.
Never a good sign when the guy yelling “burn the witches” is the good guy!!!
Also the Metal Men are skeptics now!? THEY FACED A CENTAUR !!!!
Getting MAJOR supervillain vibes from their boss, too.
I miss Kanigher’s insanity. At least it was a FUN insanity.
Notice that the Metal Men remove their skin whenever they use their powers… but apparently they don’t need to because they’re all Plastic Men now!!!
You might have thought “well I can’t distinguish them visually but at least I can figure out which one is Tin because he stutters”… well… never thought I’d miss his s-s-stuttering.
I swear I don’t even know what’s going on anymore.
Okay who activated Tina’s murderbot program!? She’s supposed to be homicidal only against Doc’s love interests!!!
Iron ends up defeating the witches… basically by doing nothing, since he’s their Kryptonite.
To reiterate: you can swap the Metal Men with basically anyone else and it would have zero impact on 99% of this story.
METAL MEN 39 (1969)
by Mike Sekowsky
Well that was crap, but there’s still a chance to redeem the secret identity premise if the second story begins to do something with it.
Presumably Sekowsky is going for the fanservice.
This guy paid who knows how many millions of dollars to turn the Metal Men into his personal super-spies… and then he uses them for renovations.
As an Italian, this is personally offensive.
I would rather see this bonkers movie rather than read this comic book. What is it, an 18th century period piece with banjo players!?!?
Tina ends up being kidnapped by Discount Quasimodo…
…and gets knocked out by a lamp.
And once again I have to ask: what does this have to do with shapeshifting robots!?!??
As if you couldn’t see this coming a thousand miles away, Tina is the only one who doesn’t recoil in horror at the sight of Discount Quasimodo.
Discount Quasimodo used to be a famous and handsome actor until an accident caused him to become ugly.
Sounds legit.
Tina is SUPPOSED to be heartbroken about his situation… but she looks like she’s completely zoned out, and who can blame her?
The cops find Discount Quasimodo, and the Metal Men prevent the cops from shooting… for fear of hurting Tina. You know, THE SHAPESHIFTING PLATINUM ROBOT.
Even in their new forms, the Metal Men continue their proud tradition of being absolutely useless. For crying out loud, Discount Quasimodo is not even supposed to be super-strong!!!
Tina is the only one to defend Discount Quasimodo…
…but even she is useless this time because HE DIES IN A FIRE.
To add insult to injury, she has to flirt with the cop most responsible for his death, in order to stop him from noticing some clues about the Metal Men being robots.
There is NO WAY this was anything but a plot to get insurance money after the place burned down.
Issue #39 is the first one to publish letters reacting to the new status quo, split between positive and negative reactions.
I love that THE DOG is also disappointed.
There are positive reactions, and funnily enough most also praise the new direction of Wonder Woman.
That’s a reference to the “Mod Wonder Woman” period, which is… not exactly remembered fondly by most Wondy fans.
I really didn’t like that phase, but even Mod Wonder Woman is WAY better than the new direction of the Metal Men.
Metal Men significance: 0/10
Silver Age-ness: 4/10
Does it stand the test of time?
First story: 3/10
It’s not a BAD supernatural story… but the Metal Men are REALLY out of place here, and their presence makes the entire premise collapse.
Second story: 0/10
Crap.
Issues when not a single Metal Man dies: 19