Metal Men #46

METAL MEN 46 (1976)
by Gerry Conway & Walt Simonson
cover by Dick Giordano

Gerry Conway takes over the writing for a couple of issues; he’ll return for the very end of the series, which is only 10 issues from now.

As per Metal Men tradition we begin in the middle of things: the Metal Men are in Venice, of all places, looking for the money Doc stole when he was more insane than usual.
And also Tina is flirting with Gold now.

And this teaser introduction ends with the Metal Men failing to find the stolen money, only to be arrested by the police.

To explain how we got to this point, a flashback shows us Doc rebuilding the Metal Men after they were destroyed by PLUTONIUM MAN last issue.
And there’s something different about Tina…

…she’s out of the robosexual closet.

Doc’s liaison with the US army shows up to push Doc to reveal where he hid the money he ransomed. Which, since he has amnesia, has to be extracted from his brain with this goofy machine!
You have to love Doc still smoking his pipe through the whole ordeal.

That’s the end of the flashback, so we return to the Metal Men in Venice.
This is a treat for me: since I’m Italian, I get to double check if he can actually speak the language!

That’s surprisingly accurate. Admittedly Doc doesn’t speak a lot of Italian, but everything he says is correct. Weirdly enough it’s the policeman who is wrong: he should be saying “signor Magnus” instead of “signore”. But as far as American comics go I’ve seen a lot worse.

Honestly I think the problem might be that this particular policeman is nuts. Because when the Metal Men prove their identity he shouts “the line is busy”… which I have no idea how it applies to the current situation!

We then check on some people who stole something from Doc and are hiding in a nearby building.
And they are clearly speaking to each other in English with a couple of Italian words inserted.
I’ve always utterly despised this trope: the characters have absolutely no reason to speak to each other in another language, so why keep the entire scene in English with random words inserted!?

I can give Conway a pass for using “demente” as a translation for “insane”.
Today it wouldn’t fly, as it would almost be like calling someone r###rded, but an old lady in the 70s might have used it to mean “crazy”. Would’ve been much less cringy if she used “pazzo” or “matto” as a translation, though.

I still can’t believe this is just the first time Walt Simonson draws a regular series.

Also: Doc Magnus might have been insane at the time, but even he had the sense to invest in dollars or deutschmarks… although Mercury misspells it: it’s missing the S in the middle… rather than in Italian liras (especially in the 70s!).

Gerry Conway is having a lot of fun with the zaniness of the Metal Men without going too much into silly shenanigans, and I’m all for it!

How are the civilians we saw earlier doing?

And finally Chemo makes his triumphant return with a GORGEOUS splash page!!!

Your regular reminder that CHEMO IS AWESOME.

Aaand Gold is immediately killed. Good to see we’re back to the regular formula!

Tina must be desperate… to find another robot to make out with.

This is a good moment to examine the fact that the Metal Men may act human, but their thought process is something else: they’re conflicted whether to keep following Doc’s orders to find the ransom money or to save Venice from a rampaging Chemo.

Also: apparently Iron is the team’s second-in-command? Where did THAT come from?
Probably by exclusion… we’ve seen Mercury is a terrible leader, Lead or Tin would take forever to give orders, and Tina would just do whatever she thinks Doc would like.

To be fair, though, it’s Tin who comes up with a plan.

The team does have a secret weapon: continuity!

Blink and you’ll miss it, but three other Metal Men bite the dust.

Then Iron makes himself useful by drilling a hole in Chemo’s ankle (!!!)…

…and he combines with Tina to strike the final blow!!!

The world is saved… and Venice is f##ked because the Metal Men dumped tons of chemical waste into its waters.

Oh there was also a subplot about a Doc Magnus lookalike murdering people. That’s probably not important.

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Metal Men significance: 6/10
Sadly the last time Chemo shows up in the main series.

Silver Age-ness: 6/10
Chemo is inherently Silver Age, plus the way he was “trapped” is just nonsense.

Does it stand the test of time? 10/10
See, THIS is how you do a Metal Men story! The subplot about Tina is nothing new and it’s ultimately going to fizzle out, but it’s not too distracting here.
This is just classic superhero fun, and once again I have to remark just how good the artwork is.

Times Nameless has died: 5
Times Platinum has died: 16
Times Mercury has died: 18
Times Gold has died: 20
Times Lead has died: 21
Times Tin has died: 22
Times Iron has died: 22