MARVEL TWO-IN-ONE #1 (1974)
by Steve Gerber & Gil Kane
Kicking off my short retrospective on the pre-Secret Wars Molecule Man, his second appearance happens a full decade his only Silver Age story.
And it’s on the first issue of a somewhat important series.
“Two-In-One” is Marvel’s second regular team-up book, following a little under two years after the start of “Marvel Team-Up”. The only difference is that while Team-Up had Spider-Man as the regular hero teaming up with other characters, Two-In-One had the Thing.
Between them, I think Two-In-One is easily the better series for a whole bunch of reasons.
While its continuity with Fantastic Four is sometimes sketchy, it’s far better integrated than Team-Up ever was with the other Spider-Man books. It’s also written with greater consistency and has several moments of historical significance, such has the well-received Project Pegasus storyline and its second Annual with the first death of Thanos.
But most importantly it’s far easier to have the Thing meet random characters from all over Marvel… he has the connections and doesn’t have secret identity. The reasons for him meeting the other hero are typically FAR less convoluted than the attempts to have Spider-Man join a random fight.
Although maybe the first issue is not a great example of that because the reason why the Thing bumps into the other character is that he’s upset he’s stealing his name!
Which is doubly stupid because Man-Thing CAN’T TALK.
So, uhm… I really like the Thing and think he’s one of the best characters in comics. But the reason why people are afraid of him doesn’t always have to do with his looks.
At this point you might be wondering: didn’t you say this is part of the Molecule Man retrospective? So let’s talk about him.
Last time he was exiled by the Watcher to a different dimension… and ten years later that’s were we find him. Dying of old age (WTF!?) next to his son (double WTF!?).
THAT’s how you bring Molecule Man back!?
And he has a son now? HOW!? We’re never shown anyone else living in this dimension, in fact his son talks about being alone on a dead word! Who is his mother supposed to be!?
I wouldn’t dismiss the modern Molecule Man being able to build himself a son from scratch, but that’s waaaaaaay beyond what he could do in his first appearance.
And don’t expect him to explain anything because HE IMMEDIATELY DIES.
You might be thinking “well it’s been a long time for him, maybe Molecule Man found a way to control organic molecules”… but nope! Well he DID find a way but we are explicitly told he couldn’t go all the way through.
So the son subjects himself to a “ion bombardment treatment” that:
A) gives him his father’s powers
B) removes his father’s weakness against organic molecules
C) makes him look UTTERLY RIDICULOUS
I’m speechless, and not just because of that outfit. Why couldn’t this be Molecule Man!? Why kill him to introduce his son and then turn him son into a poor copy of the real one!?!?
*groan*
Well at least the connection with Man-Thing makes SOME kind of sense: he defends a swamp that has a portal to all dimensions, so I’m fine with Discount Molecule Man showing up there.
It certainly makes more sense than him turning his molecules into magnets.
He’s less worried about Man-Thing than the fact that he rapidly ages if he loses contact with the wand. Which, it should be noted, looks NOTHING like the Molecule Man’s wand.
Of course it’s not the SAME wand, since the original was left with the Fantastic Four, but still.
Sounds legit.
Once the Thing reaches the swamp, he meets Discount Molecule Man and doesn’t seem all that concerned about him being the son of the original and having the same powers.
He might look nothing like his father, but at least he did inherit his favorite trick.
Once Man-Thing joins the fight, Discount Molecule Man turns him into his rarely seen human form of Dr. Ted Sallis. Along with the Thing turning into Ben Grimm again.
It’s kind of hard to like the Thing in this story. I get he’s worried about Discount Molecule Man hurting the Fantastic Four, but you would expect he would have SOME sympathy for Man-Thing.
Sure the Thing is an orange rock monster but he’s a beloved celebrity with a girlfriend and a family!
Man-Thing is mute, brainless, lives alone in a swamp and is named Man-Thing!
Who has the most rotten deal between them!?
Please don’t show Discount Molecule Man twapping his wand. Thank you.
Once he reaches the nearest city, Discount Molecule Man begins spreading chaos.
Just in case you thought post-Secret Wars Molecule Man went too far with what his powers could do, his son is already absurdly overpowered.
Not only the plot thread about the two monster being turned human is abandoned, with Dr. Sallis being transformed into Man-Thing we lose the only character of this story who has not been a dick the entire time.
You don’t get to fight a swamp monster without getting your hands dirty.
And that’s basically the way to defeat Discount Molecule Man… throw crap at him.
And that’s the tragic death of the son of Molecule Man.
The tragedy being that we had to read this.
Well at least the Thing had a chance to bond and help a fellow man who fell victim to a tragic curse.
He completely threw away that chance at the first opportunity, but hey, he got it!
Yeah sure just hand the kid the weapon of a near-omnipotent interdimensional supervillain, what could possibly go wrong?
This will be followed up in Iron Man Annual #3, of all places.
Historical significance: 0/10
There’s a reason why any retelling of Molecule Man’s story immediately jumps from his first issue to his eventual return against the Avengers. Even if the ending does follow into the next story featuring Molecule Man, it’s completely skippable.
Even the idea that the Molecule Man had a son is never referenced again. Or the fact that HE FREAKING DIED of old age, for that matter!
Silver Age-ness: 8/10
The excuse of “the swamp messes with everything” can only go so far to excuse the absurdity.
Does it stand the test of time? 0/10
This sucks. The story makes no sense, the use of Molecule Man is wildly random, the characters are unlikeable, the action is lackluster, and while Gil Kane draws an amazing Thing the rest of the artwork is not his best material by a long shot.