Marvel Super-Heroes #8

MARVEL SUPER-HEROES vol3 #8 (1992)
by Steve Ditko (plot, pencils and inks) & Will Murray (inks)

At first glance, this looks like the most random and most 90s anthology…

…if this story hadn’t become important years later thanks, of all things, to a meme.
Yep, this is THAT one.

We begin with Iron Man flying through the woods (????) to test out his new auto-pilot (pretty sure we’ve already seen him use something like that before).

And then SUDDEN SQUIRREL!!!

Chipper attitude and fluffy tail aside, Squirrel Girl is pretty unrecognizable from her more recent stories.

It helps that she’s canonically fourteen.

She’ll later be retconned into not being a mutant. I love how Iron Man is just too shocked of suddenly finding himself in such a silly comic to know how to react.

In addition to your standard superhuman agility, she also has knockoff Wolverine claws that she basically never uses again after this story…

The fact that the story is embracing Squirrel Girl’s silliness makes it a little more bearable, but she keeps going on and on.

Iron Man never takes his helmet off during the whole story, but I have a pretty good idea of his facial expression during all this.

Eventually Iron Man tries to pawn her off to the X-Men or Captain America, something which Squirrel Girl doesn’t take well.
Again, she’s fourteen so I’ll give her a break.

Turns out that Squirrel Girl does have SOME experience with being a superhero…

…because she’s already fought Doctor Doom!!!!

And now, ladies and gentlemen, is when the story goes COMPLETELY BONKERS.

What really helps is that, despite the utter silliness of Squirrel Girl, Doctor Doom plays it completely straight!

I don’t know WTF Steve Ditko was thinking with this entire story… but is this satire about 90s heroes having utterly unnecessary pouches everywhere? It wasn’t very prevalent when this story was published, but still, it’s kind of hilarious that Squirrel Girl’s pouches are more useful than all Rob Liefeld designs. Combined.

You might wonder why Doom would take Squirrel Girl prisoner… she doesn’t look like a menace, and he often has soft spots for kids. But she DID completely fail to recognize him, and he can’t let THAT pass!!!

Not gonna lie, Squirrel Girl is kind of insufferable throughout most of the story… but I can’t get mad at her.

The Doomship© is not particularly impressive: it takes Squirrel Girl a single panel to find an exit.

Thanks to that little vent, Squirrel Girl is able to call upon her friends…

…and the Doomship©, SOMEHOW, is not squirrel-proof. (WTF!?!?)

This is also the first appearance of Squirrel Girl’s first sidekick, Monkey Joe. In a surprisingly dark moment for the normally upbeat character, he’ll actually get killed off for real in 2005.

I would LOVE to see a version of this story that follows Iron Man’s thought balloons.
Believe it or not, these two will actually develop a surprisingly close friendship!

And so we get to THE meme. The one that ensured Squirrel Girl would eventually be resurrected as a character. The one that ensured nobody who read this story could possibly forget it.

As hilarious as that image is (AND HOW!!!!), it’s not even the worst moment for Doom.

As if THAT wasn’t insane enough, Doctor Doom flees the scene ON FOOT.

Once that is over, Iron Man is quite supportive of Squirrel Girl…

…but he sure as hell makes it clear he doesn’t want to have her around as a partner.

A surprisingly wholesome ending to an absolutely nonsensical story.

Yeah, who could possibly believe a story like THIS!?

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Squirrel Girl has THE weirdest journey to fame of any superhero.
This was clearly written considering Squirrel Girl as a one-off character… and she definitely would have stayed that way, if the legend of this absurd story didn’t spread through the Internet.

She returned in 2005 on the pages of the Great Lake Avengers written by Dan Slott, where her main gimmick became defeating supervillains way out of her league… but only off-panel.

While she was hilarious in these first new stories, the gimmick got really repetitive… I was starting to get really sick of her.

And then Ryan North began writing her, making Squirrel Girl HIS character… and turning “Unbeatable Squirrel Girl” into what I seriously consider one of the best written series Marvel has published in the past thirty years.

Doctor Doom doesn’t show up very often in her book, but when he does it… man he’s both awesome and manages to keep this dignity despite technically always losing to her!!!!

He’s still hilarious, of course.

Seriously, if you think Squirrel Girl is just a one-gimmick joke character… well she WAS, but read that series because she turned out great!!!

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Doom significance: 0/10
Despite the meme’s best efforts, this has no real effect on Doom himself.

Silver Age-ness: ∞/10
The first Marvel comic to break the scale! Squirrel Girl is not as absurd as she’ll get, but still… Doctor Doom defeated by squirrels!!!

 Does it stand the test of time? 5/10
Lets’s get real: the only reasons this was considered canon is this was plotted & penciled by Steve Ditko… and the fact that it’s completely absurd.
Doctor Doom randomly flying his ship in some forest in the US? His technology being completely useless against squirrels, to the point he has to flee for his life!? WTF!?
That being said… Iron Man befriending an awkward teen hero who then proves herself useful is not a bad plot! Too bad the story itself really drags (it’s much, much longer than it needs to), Iron Man doesn’t get to DO much of anything (I guess it’s part of the joke, but still), and it really would’ve benefitted from having another villain.
On the other hand, if Squirrel Girl had defeated someone less believable, she definitely would have disappeared from comics.
And if you’re one of those readers upset at Squirrel Girl because comics should only be serious all the time…

 It was a Doombot all along
Squirrel Girl insists it was the real one, and oddly enough Doctor Doom never contradicts her during any of their encounters.
But as much as I love her series… come on. This being a Doombot doesn’t make the story any less hilarious!

Number of superheroes who have fought Dr. Doom: 77
Naturally adding Squirrel Girl.

Crazy tech
Is it the Doomship©? Nah, that thing is a piece of junk. Nope, I’m going for the most useful accessory of a superhero costume: the Nut Stash!
No trademark on the name. For some reason, nobody wants to invest money in something called Nut Stash.