Dazzler #5 (1981)
by Tom DeFalco & Frank Springer
After facing the Enchantress and freaking Doctor Doom, Dazzler settles down for a more mundane threat. Will it still be entertaining?
She’s probably aware that she’s been WAY out of her league so far, because the story begins with Dazzler having a nightmare where she’s facing Doom, Enchantress and… well, Nightmare.
As well as, of course, the real nemesis of this series: daddy issues.
She wakes up in a hospital, which is where the Human Torch took her at the end of the previous issue. He’s her main superhero love interest so far, although to be fair she’s not giving him the time of the day.
Dazzler reluctantly agrees to stay at the hospital for a while. This is where we meet Nurse Insufferable, who will unfortunately become a recurring character.
Obviously if you’re a superhero… or superhero-adjacent like Dazzler… you can’t rest anywhere five minutes without discovering a subplot.
The other recurring character making his debut is Dr. McDreamy, who will be Dazzler’s civilian love interest.
Long story short, the old woman is the widow of a guy who died saving the life of a mob boss (without knowing he was a mob boss). And now her son is into crime.
Dazzler is incredibly moved. By how hot Dr. McDreamy is.
One thing that the series has handled well so far is the fact that Dazzler is constantly broke. Of course DeFalco has a lot of experience with the concept from his work on Spider-Man.
At least her boss is happy: the concert at the United Nations might have been a bust thanks to Doctor Doom, but at least now she’s famous!
I still have absolutely no idea what kind of concert Dazzler is supposed to give, but considering the rehearsal it’s wild.
Also, another GO FOR IT! but as a civilian… eh, I’m still counting it.
In the middle of all this, we meet the guest star of this story: Z-list superhero Blue Shield, making his debut here.
He will lurk around the Marvel Universe for years, ending up being killed by Hydra in 2017.
I’m not sure why he never found his place to shine… maybe he’s a little too generic?
Blue Shield is not the only one investigating the same gangster who killed the old lady’s husband: Dazzler is on the case too, because… I don’t know, maybe she wants to impress Dr. McDreamy?
Just your typical mob business… gambling and SUPER-TANKS. (WTF!?)
The right-hand man of the boss is CLEARLY both Blue Shield and the son of the old lady, but I guess we’re not supposed to figure it out immediately.
Dazzler tries to talk to him about his mother, but he immediately dismisses her. Who does he think she is, a pretty face who has no clue whatsoever on how to be a superhero?
Three panels later:
By sheer luck (???) she just happens to find the mob super-tank…
…and gets spotted by the mob almost immediately.
But she has a radio with her, so she can GO FOR IT!
Wait wait wait… Dazzler’s battle music is Whip It? WHIP IT!?!?
Sounds legit.
Since she’s taking on the crooks that Blue Shield was after, naturally this turns into an official team-up.
Which, in case this series wasn’t ridiculous enough, canonically has “Whip It” as background music.
Dazzler… how the heck did you manage to become the secondary character in issue FIVE of your own series!?!?
Despite this being CLEARLY Blue Shield’s story, Dazzler does still manage to be useful by being the one to dazzle the tank to death.
Or not: the super-tank is advanced enough to withstand her light show…
…but it’s also a piece of crap.
Is Dazzler being polite about Blue Shield’s secret identity, or is she THAT clueless?
Oh yeah, you better believe she’s THAT clueless. We’ll eventually get a plot about her suspecting someone else is Blue Shield.
And so we end with Dazzler getting a date with Dr. McDreamy, much to the despair of Nurse Insufferable.
Well… there was still plenty of weirdness, but at least this kind of adventure was more into Dazzler’s territory.
That means we’re done with embarrassing appearances, right?
Dazzler significance: 4/10
Poor Blue Shield, he’s not even important enough to have significance in this series.
Silver Age-ness: 4/10
Dazzler alongside Blue Shield fighting the super-tank of a mob boss with a Devo soundtrack is absurd enough to qualify.
Does it stand the test of time? 10/10
This is where my stance of not giving a quality score really comes back to bite me. If I did give a quality score this would BARELY be a 6/10… it’s bland, doesn’t tell us anything about the main character, and Blue Shield’s side of the story is competently told yet boring… but aside from updating the choice of battle music, there isn’t anything here that you couldn’t do today.
GO FOR IT!: 6
Obligatory underwear shot: 1
The series will take any excuse to get Dazzler in her underwear. As of now it’s still restrained, but it will get ridiculous enough to warrant its own counter.
