Doom’s Onslaught

Do I really have to do this?

*sigh*

Let’s just get this over with.

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Fantastic Four #416 (1995)
by Tom DeFalco & Carlos Pacheco

This is the last issue of the original Fantastic Four run. Marvel will go back and forth on continuing the numbering system. It’s kind of weird to see the rips on the cover…

…because it’s supposed to be Onslaught ripping through the image, something that is only clearly visible with the full wraparound version.

Summarizing the Onslaught storyline would take way too much time. Fortunately, we have a recap courtesy by one of Doom’s minions, who looks suspiciously like a cross between Zarrko and Hauptmann.

Onslaught is supposedly incredibly powerful, something that intrigues Doctor Doom…

…but surprisingly enough, not as much as the fact that Onslaught has kidnapped Reed’s son.

Exhibit #4,000 that Nathaniel Richards is full of s##t: after spending who knows how many issues explaining that Hyperstorm was the big threat he was trying to avoid… all of a sudden it’s supposed to have been Onslaught the whole time!? Get outta here!!!

Since this is the last DeFalco issue, it’s also the ending of several subplots… almost none of which were interesting, but I am genuinely going to miss his Kristoff. Especially his relationship with Ant-Man’s daughter.

Kristoff has one minor appearance after this one, after which he’ll disappear for over a decade and only have minor roles afterwards.

Cassie will receive lots of attention once she becomes the superheroine Stature; I really hope someday someone remembers she had a crush on Doom’s son, but I’m not holding my breath.

The whole issue is just an excuse to have the Fantastic Four fighting copies of their classic enemies, thanks to Onslaught hijacking Franklin’s powers.
The only thing worthy of the comic’s price is the artwork by the late Carlos Pacheco. No wonder he’ll be the regular Fantastic Four penciler once the whole “Heroes Reborn” nonsense is done.

How can you not love Doctor Doom? Not only he shows up in the middle of a battle and insist to be the center of attention…

…but he requires, yes REQUIRES a personal escort to his nemesis even when he’s dealing with his kidnapped son! Classic Doctor Doom.

Once Reed techs up a solution to make all the manifestations of his foes disappear, Doctor Doom shows up to offer his aid.

Susan is surprisingly okay with Doom assisting to rescue her kidnapped son… since Doom HAS kidnapped Franklin before.

Everyone keeps going on and on about how this is supposed to be The Last Battle, but everything is so sudden it’s really not earned. Onslaught JUST showed up!!! Yes he’s kind of powerful and he’s kidnapped Franklin, but really, does that seriously worry the Fantastic Four THAT much!?

This is a really lackluster ending to the first volume. Although it’s neat that the last words of the first Fantastic Four volume are literally “It’s clobbering time” and “Nuff Said”.

Kristoff COMPLETELY disappears from the storyline after this moment, with absolutely no explanation whatsoever.
That’s perfectly fitting for Nathaniel Richards who does exactly the same thing, but come on, Kristoff deserved better!!!

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X-Men vol.2 #56 (1996)
by Scott Lobdell (plot), Mark Waid (dialogue) & Andy Kubert (pencils and cover)

I’m not a huge fan of the artwork on X-Men in this period, but I’ve always liked Andy Kubert.

The guy on the cover is Joseph, who at the time was believed to be an amnesiac rejuvenated Magneto but who everyone assumed was just a clone. Who ended up being revealed to just be a clone, what are the odds.

Despite his bravado, Joseph is getting his ass handed to him by a Sentinel despite the help from Rogue… until he’s saved by an unexpected ally.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how Doctor Doom enters a scene.

Doom is not impressed by Joseph.
And really, who can blame him? Joseph sucks!

Joseph has been narrating all this to Captain America, who naturally immediately recognizes Doom’s speech pattern.

You can really tell it’s Mark Waid writing the dialogue, because he really nails this little moment.

Despite that little gem, I’m skipping the rest of the story because Doctor Doom isn’t in it and… well let’s be honest, the story sucks!

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Onslaught: Marvel Universe (1996)
by Scott Lobdell (plot), Mark Waid (plot & script), Adam Kuber (pencils and cover), Joe Bennet (“assist on pencils”)

I praised Adam Kubert’s pencils, but he must’ve been in quite a rush because most of the artwork in this one sucks, despite the assistance of Joe Bennet.
Even the cover is… bleh.

Watcher, you’re just on page two! If I have to suffer through this crap, so will you!

Doctor Doom is barely present here. Most of the time he just stands around for the hero shots.

Until the heroes need to come up with a plan to breach Onslaught’s defenses, at which point Doom proves to be one the few people in this storyline to still have a functioning brain.

This was actually a funny exchange. Not much, sure, but in this storyline, you take what you can get!

I’m not entirely sure Doom’s plan makes any sense whatsoever, but that’s to be expected for such a rushed storyline.

At first I thought the plan didn’t work…

…but apparently hitting Onslaught very hard was all they needed to get through his barrier.

When everything else fails, just throw an angry Hulk at the problem. That usually does it.

Uhm, guys, I’m happy you two love each other and all, but can you wait until AFTER you’ve saved the planet before making out?
Seriously, this happens RIGHT in the middle of the fight!

All it’s missing is for every single hero saying they’re just two days from retirement.

Hulk has punched out Onslaught so hard he doesn’t need a body anymore. (WTF?!)
What’s next, a “this isn’t even his final form” moment?

I WAS KIDDING!!!

And now, ladies and gentlemen, is when the story turns unbelievably stupid.
Yes.
NOW.

Because now that Onslaught is made of pure energy, apparently the only strategy left is for the heroes to use their own bodies to contain him…

…which translates into every single hero RUSHING INTO SUICIDE.

Seriously, THAT’S THE PLOT!!! Onslaught’s energy threatens to do something bad, so the heroes KILL THEMSELVES to contain its energy!!!
HOW IS THIS THEIR FIRST PLAN!?!?

That’s the excuse for “killing” the non-mutant heroes that will be rebooted in Heroes Reborn.
The explanation for not killing the mutants is incredibly dumb.

Wait wait wait… you mean NOBODY was watching Doctor Freaking Doom!?!?

In the middle of this madness, Doctor Doom has been patiently waiting to absorb Onslaught’s power. Because of course he was.

Iron Man here is not the classic Tony Stark, but a time-displaced teenage version of him… long story. And he decides that since Doom won’t kill himself to defeat Onslaught, he should kill him instead!

OH COME ON!!!

First of all: Doom just skipped two years of publication thanks to the Hyperstorm nonsense and now you drag him into this? We don’t even have a well-written Doom 2099 anymore!

Second: why the heck did you stop Doom!? He was trying to contain Onslaught’s energy inside his device… which is EXACTLY WHAT THE HEROES ARE TRYING TO DO, except Doom’s method wouldn’t kill anyone!!!
Sure, don’t let Doom keep the energy, but why would you destroy the device!? Are you in THAT much of a rush to kill all heroes!?

*groan*

Well at least “Teen Tony” is retconned after Heroes Reborn, so this is technically his last ever appearance. Good riddance!!!

Anyway, to conclude this trainwreck: the heroes “succeed”, Onslaught is defeated, and we have a not-so-subtle hint that there was a plan to bring back the heroes in case “Heroes Reborn” turned out to be a disaster.
Which it was.

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Doom significance: 6/10
It’s the reason Doom disappears from the regular Marvel Universe, AGAIN. It wouldn’t have that much impact if it wasn’t for the fact that his adventures in the “Franklin-verse” do end up having some significance down the line.

Silver Age-ness: –∞/10
As far away removed as physically possible, and then some.

90-ness: WOLVERINE!!!/10
In his book he had mutated into a more feral being, which results in him looking incredibly ridiculous.

Does it stand the test of time?
Fantastic Four: 4/10
It’s fine for what it is… an excuse to celebreate something with a big dumb fight. It would’ve been a 6/10 if it gave ANY kind of satisfactory ending to Kristoff and Nathaniel, but they’re just kind of… there.
X-Men: 2/10
The Doom scene is just fantastic, and you can really tell it’s Waid. The rest of the story is just endless padding, though. You cannot expect me to get invested in freaking Joseph!!!
Onslaught: 0/10
Crap.

It was a Doombot all along
Oh how I wish this was actually a Doombot… but from future stories, it can’t possibly be anyone but the real Doom.

Times Doom has saved the world: 9
Blink and you’ll miss it, but without Doom’s plan the heroes wouldn’t have been able to get through Onslaught’s defenses… so I’m still counting it.
Now, if everyone wasn’t so colossally idiotic in this story, Doom’s device would’ve saved the world on its own and would’ve spared us the horrors of Heroes Reborn.

Number of superheroes who have fought Dr. Doom: 89
Despite the number of heroes around, Doom doesn’t really fight anyone. I could count Teen Tony, but calling it a fight would be an overstatement… plus I really, REALLY don’t want to acknowledge the existence of Teen Tony.

Crazy tech
Doom has a pocket-sized gizmo capable of absorbing Onslaught’s energy. And I’m sure it’s not something he packed before leaving Latveria, he probably built if from scratch between scenes.