Dazzler #36 (1985)
by Linda Grant & Geof Isherwood
cover by John Byrne
At this point Marvel was clearly trying to do some course correction for the series. I don’t have the sales data, but the fact there are two issues with random creators should tell you something.
And Linda Grant is really random: she was an assistant editor on several titles, and as far as I can tell this is her only real Marvel writing credit.
They did manage to land John Byrne for a great cover, though!
The issue’s adversary is going to be Z-list villain Tatterdemalion, whose power is wearing specially treated rags that burn his victims.
And we begin with him bullying a singer into quitting her job.
Dazzler is finally able to get a job again, although she’s still having to deal with being openly mutant. Hey at least this time she’s not getting a job only because she’s hot!
As soon as he hears her sing, in fact…
…he’s immediately blown away by her voice! I suppose there are still shadows of her “Dazzler is the best singer in the universe” phase from the start of the series, but this feels a little more believable.
This is only the second time Dazzler is being written by a woman, so she’s finally able to see SOME red flags.
The writing is also definitely more subtle than during the Fingeroth run (not that it’s hard).
Dazzler notices that the pianist at he lounge used to be a famous star, and she mentions it to one of her friends… who completely misses the point that Dazzler is ALSO a washed-up celebrity that has fallen on her luck.
But don’t let the competent writing fool you: Dazzler is still useless.
Tatterdemalion has taken her to his lair in the sewers, where he bullies her into quitting her job.
Joke’s on him, Dazzler hasn’t been able to keep the same job for two issues straight in ages!
Still… come on Dazzler, it’s freaking Tatterdemalion! Surely even YOU can take him!
To be fair, Tatterdemalion is not a completely worthless character… he really does work as a minor slasher villain…
No the problem, AS ALWAYS, is that Dazzler just plain sucks at this.
And then she just… leaves. That’s it.
Dazzler significance: 0/10
This would be considered a fill-in if this series had any coherent structure.
Silver Age-ness: 0/10
Not even a little bit.
Does it stand the test of time?
Yeah okay this isn’t REALLY where the story ends, but really, would you be THAT surprised if it was?
Instead we return to the old movie star, who was part of a very famous dancing duo with an actor named Michael. Until he moved to other things.
This is what pushes Dazzler to A) not give up her career B) vow to get even with Tatterdemalion.
Which happens at the next show, with him crashing Dazzler’s performance.
And if you’ve ever read a single story in your life, you probably already figured out why Tatterdemalion is interested in the old actress.
Dazzler’s role in all of this is… just stand there and watch the entire time.
HOW ARE YOU SO BAD AT THIS!?!?
At least she follows into the alley and fight him there.
In addition to having a burning touch, Tatterdemalion has also a weighted scarf (???) which apparently Dazzler damaged in some way.
Okay Dazzler, you have ONE shot at this. Can you AT LEAST defeat Tatterdemalion!?!?
Yes, she can. BARELY.
Surprisingly absolutely nobody, Tatterdemalion turns out to be Micheal.
He’ll still be a supervillain next time we see him, so I assume things didn’t work out with the old actress after all.
This is also the last appearance of Dazzler’s friend Janet. We’ve seen her a couple of times since Dazzler #32 and I still can’t tell you anything about her.
Dazzler #37 (1985)
by Bob DeNatale & Tom Morgan
cover by Mary Wilshire & John Byrne
Well that was surprisingly competent and down-to-earth. Time for something completely nuts!
This is ALSO written by an Assistant Editor, although Bob DeNatale does have some other writing credits to his name.
We begin with Dazzler visiting her high school friend Diana, who naturally we’ve never heard before, and who apparently lives in a mansion in the woods.
Or rather she LIVED, because she recently died, and Dazzler gets to meet Boring Bruce Banner.
She meets her late friend’s Kingpin-sized father and his two associates Not Cyclops and Mullet Angel.
Well this doesn’t sound ominous AT ALL.
Of course Dazzler just has to investigate…
…and I promise that you didn’t see this coming.
We just jumped straight from Clue to Tron, people!!!
The holographic samurai swordfight… now that’s a sentence I don’t get to type every day… is suddenly interrupted by the technology going nuts. Even Boring Bruce Banner can’t understand what’s going on.
Well that was random. What crazy stuff will the next room hide?
Nah, nothing THAT crazy. It’s just the cybernetically reanimated corpse of Dazzler’s friend.
So WTF is going on? Apparently Diana’s mother’s cancer treatment were SO expensive that they bankrupted her family, to the point they volunteered to turn her into a guinea pig for Revenge Inc.
Wait a second, this makes no sense. If her father accepted to work for Revenge Inc. because he was broke… how exactly did he then manage to join, rise through the ranks and take their money?
Well maybe you wouldn’t need to kill Dazzler IF YOU DIDN’T EXPLAIN YOUR WHOLE BACKSTORY TO HER!!!
Think Tatterdemalion was embarrassing for Dazzler? She’s having trouble fighting a paraplegic without superpowers!!!
Meanwhile, both Not Cyclops and Diana’s father are literally backstabbed.
Dazzler, this is supposed to be your book!!! DO SOMETHING!!!
Instead Dazzler, Mullet Angel and Boring Bruce Banner try to escape through one of the doors only to be facing…
Again: ALMOST as random as that.
Don’t worry guys, you’ve got Dazzler on your side.
Aaaand say goodbye to Mullet Angel.
The holographic solid light samurai technology can be defeated by too much light.
Sounds legit.
The day is saved by Dazzler’s long-forgotten ability to create holograms.
And a gun. Probably mostly by the gun.
Also, Boring Bruce Banner was Diana’s boyfriend all along.
Yeah I’m sure this guy can 100% be trusted to be telling the truth.
This entire thing has been a gigantic misunderstanding, because Diana wasn’t seriously trying to kill anyone except herself.
Which explains why she told Dazzler she couldn’t be allowed to leave the mansion alive.
Guys, I know nobody cared about the series at this point and you have an Assistant Editor writing, but did ANYONE edit this book!?!?
Yes, sometimes you have to wonder: what would this series be if Dazzler wasn’t a complete moron?
And so we end with Dazzler knocked out by the exploding mansion, not being killed by Boring Bruce Banner exclusively because she’s not worth it.
Well that was 22 pages of nothing.
Dazzler significance: 0/10
Obviously none of this matters in the slightest.
Silver Age-ness
First issue: 0/10
I suppose there is SOMETHING in Tatterdemalion’s over-the-top manners, but it’s more the Phantom Of The Opera shtick.
Second issue: 8/10
Holy random holographic samurai!!!
Does it stand the test of time?
First issue: 6/10
The textbook definition of “meh”. It’s not a BAD story, especially compared to what we’ve seen so far, but I will forget anything about it in the next five minutes.
Second issue: 0/10
Creative team that changes each issue: a sure sign of a series that’s circling the drain.
And what about those corner boxes? How are potential readers supposed to pick the comic up when all they can see of it is a corner box with one of those modelling shots on it?