World’s Finest #216 (1973)
by Bob Haney & Dick Dillin
cover by Nick Cardy
Alright, comic. I admit the cover is actually kind of funny.
We begin with our heroes(citation needed) riding into a random town, as the giant ghosts of their fathers look on them terrified. Bruce Junior is either horny or trying to hit on Clark Junior.
Or both.
This story will soon become a mystery, and believe it or not THIS is a clue.
The Juniors end up saving the life of a trucker who has passed out while driving.
Superman Junior was surprisingly effective as a hero, FOR ONCE, but Batman Junior just managed to barely avoid crashing their motorcycle.
Guys, guys. There’s no need to fight about this. You are both terrible.
The Juniors make it to the nearest town, where people are on edge because of the Ice Man.
The milk truck they saved earlier is in this town, except it’s not full of milk: it’s liquid nitrogen.
Bruce Junior has his priorities straight.
So he’s an embarrassment as a superhero AND as a playboy. Batman Senior must be SO proud.
Bruce Junior gets to fight some random bullies…
…and Clark, I know your buddy is Batman (kind of) but you could at least pretend you’re worried!
With all the commotion, they don’t even get to eat those hamburgers.
I’m not surprised Batman Junior packed his costume, but… WHERE did he pack it, considering they were both on the same bike and we didn’t even see a backpack?
Said mystery is the fact that the waitress’ dead boyfriend didn’t have a shadow in the picture.
Specifically, THIS picture from the earlier scene. Considering that without this clue there wouldn’t be any mystery and the Juniors would’ve left already, maybe they should’ve made this a little more clear.
I think we can safely assume that being The World’s Greatest Detective is not hereditary.
Jokes aside, Batman Junior’s investigation is easily the best part of the story. Which isn’t saying much, but still.
Even the artwork has a sudden improvement! This is a gorgeous Batman panel that deserves a better story.
Well this just makes me wonder EVEN MORE where he pulled that costume from!!!
Also: you can’t even break into the town hall without getting caught by the police? What kind of Batman are you!?
That’s what your father would to IN A BOB HANEY story, Junior.
There’s something rotten in Weirdsville-on-the-prairie.
At least they made ONE friend in this place.
The waitress gets captured by Ice Man, so it’s time for the Juniors to bust out of prison.
Considering Haney is writing, for a moment I was afraid Bruce Junior was going to say they can’t leave because it would be against the law.
Superman Junior follows the milk truck to an underground silo.
I just realized this is not even in the top 50 weirdest sentences I’ve had to write for this site.
And so we end Part 2 of the story with Superman Junior discovering that nearly the entire population of the town has been put under suspended animation.
Wait a minute, Superman Junior… last issue bullets DID faze you! As I’ve said before, Haney stories often are not in continuity WITH THEMSELVES.
The caption said Superman Junior is vulnerable to atomic weapons, but apparently cold temperatures also do the trick.
Maybe we should go back to the Batman Junior investigation.
Guys, if shadows are important to the plot, is it too much to ask you draw them consistently? There was NO WAY to understand the tombstones casted no shadows in the earlier scene.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, is when the story turns completely bonkers.
Yes.
NOW.
Batman Junior has solved the case: the restaurant’s owner, who we have BARELY seen so far, is the one who murdered the O’Ryan family.
Why? Because THEY WERE ALIENS.
The locals turned against the O’Ryans when they learned thy are aliens from Orion.
Not because of xenophobia, they just didn’t like the pun.
Wait wait wait… according to the earlier scene, the aliens could turn intangible! HOW DID THE MOB KILL THEM!?!?
Also: what kind of budget does this small town have if it can afford buying cryogenic equipment for the entire population!? Also considering that, since everyone kept disappearing, the population kept shrinking!?!?
All so that they could wake up in 1994, when the alien ship is set to re-open.
Superman Junior is thoroughly useless in this plot, isn’t he?
Despite having every incentive in the world to just kill Batman Junior, the bar owner decides he wants to send him in 1994.
But then Batman Junior OUT OF NOWHERE knows that the alien ship is messing with time…
…because magnets.
Well it’s not COMPLETELY out of nowhere: Batman checked the local library. Despite having little reason to suspect the bar owner.
And so the guy gets frozen…
…and the ship just leaves. We don’t even learn what kind of “riches” it did contain.
Uhm, guys… I know the bar owner was the mastermind, but… you were accomplices in kidnapping AN ENTIRE TOWN. Are you seriously going to get away with it without consequences?
Yes. Yes they are.
Historical significance: 0/10
It could’ve had SOME significance if only the aliens with the power to turn intangible were from the same planet of Phantom Girl… but it’s used for ONE PANEL and never again in the story.
Silver Age-ness: 10/10
Why do the aliens AND THEIR TOMBSTONES cast no shadow!? It’s not connected to anything!
Does it stand the test of time? 1/10
And that’s being EXTREMELY generous, just because of a couple of neat Batman panels.
The basic concept of the story isn’t terrible. “Heroes end up in an isolated small town and have to fight crime while out of their element and surrounded by hostile locals” isn’t a bad start, and “the town is run by a cabal of cantankerous elders who discovered advanced cryogenics technology some time back and have been using it to extend their lives, along with freezing outsiders and locals they dislike just to get them out of the way” is a decent conflict. Unfortunately, the story then feels the need to keep introducing additional elements, and every new thing they introduce is stupider than the last.