World’s Finest #238

World’s Finest #238 (1976)
by Bob Haney & Dick Dillin
cover by Ernie Chan

Only two Super-Sons stories by Bob Haney remain, and I’m extremely grateful because I don’t know how much more idiocy I can take.
And from the cover alone, you can probably tell this is going to include A LOT of it.
Also: way to spoil the only interesting twist in the story right on the cover!!!

I’ve rarely shown it, but most Super-Sons stories begin with the ghosts of Batman and Superman floating above the title and exchanging some meaningless dialogue.
Which I’m bringing this up now because according to Batman their sons “sure have proved themselves in the past”, which… okay if he means they have proven themselves to be incompetence incarnate, maybe he’s right!

We begin with the Juniors going around on a bike and saving Miss Ponytail from a couple of VERY weird people.
Normally I’m the one coming up with nicknames for characters I don’t care about enough to remember their actual names, but here they name Miss Ponytail for me!
How considerate.

Miss Ponytail hired a couple of random strangers to act in her play, but they attacked her once they learned she couldn’t pay them.
She sounds like she does these shows for charity, so I don’t know if she was ever going to get paid.
Also, notice Batman Junior IMMEDIATELY hitting on her… I swear Deadpool isn’t as much of a horndog as Batman Junior!

At least Miss Ponytail has better taste. Not GOOD taste since Superman Junior is only slightly better than his friend, but still.

I swear Jimmy Olsen has more game than this guy.

Dude, you’re making SUPERMAN JUNIOR look cool by comparison.
And he’s THIS guy:

The Juniors agree to help Miss Ponytail to give a performance at a maximum security prison.
Oh come on, they’re already in a supermax, haven’t these people suffered enough?

The performance is, uhm, it’s quite something.

Superman Junior deals with this by getting rid of the fake bomb.
Sorry, did I say fake? I mean AN ACTUAL BOMB THAT IS PART OF THE SHOW.

Also we can never leave an opportunity to crap on Batman Junior.

This time I don’t blame Batman Junior for being useless.
He takes after his father when it comes to bombs.

After the performance, they discover that Miss Ponytail just helped Lex Luthor escape.

They trace Miss Ponytail back to her spaceship (!!!) where Lex learns that she’s his daughter!!!
Specifically, she’s the daughter of the woman Luthor married on planet Lexor.
Of course the timing doesn’t work, AT ALL, for Luthor’s daughter to be an adult since Haney has repeatedly stated the Super-Sons stories are set in the present… but as I’ve already said, Bob Haney’s stories are not always in continuity WITH THEMSELVES.

I should probably get around to reviewing the Lexor stories someday, they’ve come up a couple of times and most of them are actually good (some are even great!).
But all you really need to know is that, on planet Lexor, Luthor is the greatest hero ever.

Or to get even more to the essential, you just need this:

With Miss Ponytail taking off with her ship, the Super-Sons leave Earth for the first time… with Batman Junior sounding particularly pathetic about it.

You might be wondering how she managed to help Luthor get out of jail.
There would’ve been no way to guess it, because there wasn’t a single panel that showed just how huge that thing was!
Also, her plan revolved ENTIRELY on Superman Junior not throwing the thing into the Sun or crushing it with his bare hands.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, is when the story turns truly bonkers.
Yes.
NOW.
Because it turns out that the reason why Miss Ponytail left because her planet is afflicted by, I kid you not, a Fatness Pandemic.
A Fatdemic, if you will.

And Luthor is the one who planned the Fatdemic!!!

Well that’s not a huge surprise, there are several continuities where Lex has trouble with weight.
(at least this panel is from a Mr. Mxyzptlk story, so we’re not supposed to take is seriously)

So Luthor is back to Lexor, where people REALLY need him.

Also his wife was affected by the Fatdemic.

Of course the Juniors are IMMEDIATELY found and attacked.
What, did you expect any sort of stealth from a Batman?

I’ve been harsh on Batman Junior, not unfairly I believe, but let us not forget that Superman Junior is also a dumbass.

The Juniors are arrested, and Superman Junior tries to appeal to Miss Ponytail’s nonexistent love for him.

Dude, you’ve known her for what, half a day at most!?

As I said I’m quite fond of the Lexor stories; one of the things I like about them is that it makes perfect sense for them to think Lex is a hero and Superman is a villain, without either of them acting out of character.

I know I’ve used the meme already, but… come on. I had to.

Lex was planning to use the antidote he already prepared to cure the Fatdemic, but his lab has been crushed by a meteor (???) so he angst about it.

He just showed up and LEX LUTHOR is proving himself to be a better superhero than the Super-Sons!!!

Even the red sun is not a problem.

Even Superman Junior is finally realizing Batman Junior sucks!!!

But he STILL takes his buddy with him… which results in having to save Batman Junior AND being infected by the Fatdemic.

I did tell you that the story turned bonkers.

But since we’re close to the end, the story has to rush it and basically resolve itself.

And so we end with Miss Ponytail forcing Lex Luthor to return to Earth, with the promise to see him again.

Of course we will never see her again.

It’s worth noting that, with only ONE appearance, she’s ALREADY a better heir to her father’s legacy than the Super-Sons were for their respective parents.

---

Historical significance: 0/10

Silver Age-ness: 30/10
Not the silliest story with a fat Superman, but barely so.

Does it stand the test of time? 3/10
Lex Luthor’s daughter deserved more. She’s actually an interesting character, and Luthor is BY FAR the best part of the story… in fact, if you completely remove the Super-Sons and you change the effects of the virus to something less silly, this had the potential to be a good story!
But as always, the Super-Sons turn everything to trash.

Did Superman (Junior) really need Batman (Junior)? He says it himself: