Intermission: Who’s Who #7

Who’s Who in the Legion of Super-Heroes #7 (1988)
written by Ty Templeton
pencils by Curt Swan & Kurt Shaffenberger
cover by Jim Valentino & George Perez

If you do a cover with this many characters, of course you need George Perez to help.

The story has artwork from legendary artists Curt Swan and Kurt Shaffenberger, so I have to wonder if they hated having to draw Bouncing Boy with his awful mustache.

Bouncing Boy gives the opening narration, but the focus will be on two potential recruits.

The story has everything: a love story, a rivalry to become the best…

…and a mystery with the fate of the Legion itself on the line.

I mean, it’s not the story HERE because we’ve actually been following the trailer for a new movie the whole time, but I’d watch that movie.

The poster is kind of meh, though.

The ACTUAL story, however, will be about the TV show discussing the movie.

Right after these messages.

This cute interlude tells us a couple of interesting things about the 30th century.
First, teleportation is so mundane that for a reasonable price you can purchase The Zipper™: a short-range teleporter for moving stuff around the house.
Second, you can sell anything if the advertisement includes a hot woman in a bikini.
Admittedly the second is not much of a surprise.

The Who’s Who section of this part is about the history of Legion headquarters.
Most of which involves the old building being destroyed, but we also learn the fate of the original training grounds… which is not particularly exciting.

The actress from issue 5 almost has an appearance.

Even the Ghost Of Ferro Lad gets discussed!

Colossal Boy’s parents provide commentary the whole time, by the way.
His mom is not a fan.

We then meet the Legion fashion consultant, Zaton Glissand.

Well, or so he claims. He doesn’t seem to be particularly popular with most Legionnaires.

I do agree with his opinion about the worst Legion costumes, but only because this story is set before the Giffen redesigns.

This guy is a ton of fun! Really wish we saw more of him in actual Legion stories.

To his credit, Zaton DID create some good costumes, including this Duo Damsel look.
Although personally I’ve never been a fan of any of her costumes that give separate bodies different colors… immediately showing to the enemy what they’re dealing with sounds like a bad idea.

Zaton is correct in the fact that this costume DID stop a war in Superboy 193.
Although if we go by that issue, the separate colors were her idea.

Zaton’s race is able to see “radiation patterns”, so in his eyes Wildfire and Brainiac 5 are among the most interesting Legionnaires.
I wonder how he saw Quislet.

If you thought the movie’s teaser was full of contradictions with the lore, it’s intentional.

This is the last appearance of Colossal Boy’s parents in Volume 3.
I don’t believe they ever appear in Volume 4, so hopefully they get to keep this happy ending… although knowing Volume 4, I wouldn’t be surprised to find out otherwise.

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Legion significance: 0/10
Never referenced.

Silver Age-ness: 4/10
The general vibe and, of course, The Zipper™.

Does it stand the test of time? 9/10
This one IS enough of a story to allow me to properly score it. And it’s a fun little easter egg for devoted Legion fans; it doesn’t really reveal anything new, but it does help make the Legion universe feel more real.
I would watch the heck out of that fake movie, but I’m glad they didn’t make a whole story out of it, as I imagine the novelty wouldn’t have lasted.
Strangely enough, the sore spot is probably the artwork. You’d expect Swan and Shaffenberger to go together WAY better than this, but they seem to be holding back; the characters are not as dynamic and expressive as you’d expect from those artists.

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The final page shows all the currently living parents of the Legionnaires.

Including Saturn Girl’s parents, who I don’t think ever showed up anywhere before this.
They don’t even get names, just “Mr. and Mrs. Ardeen”.

On the other hand, the mother of Shadow Lass and the father of Shrinking Violet had already appeared in LSH #263.
One thing I didn’t address at the time: her name being Tarna Tolarn seems to indicate that on Talok VIII married women get to keep their name, because her daughter’s name is Tasmia Mallor. Shrinking Violet’s father is named Arn Digby.

The Wanderers get individual entries in the Who’s Who; this has the same cover date of Wanderers #6.

So the Aviax entry can’t reference how he once saved a planet by having sex with a dinosaur, but instead says that he’s the ship’s navigator.
I don’t think we EVER see him piloting the ship in the Wanderers series.

Considering the trainwreck of THAT series, Celebrand sure was lucky to stay dead.

The series ends with an “Addenda and Errata” page, presumably written by writer/researcher Barbara Randall.
Which REALLY goes into the minutiae…

…but it also includes this hilarious gem.

That’s right: even the people feeling the need to get THIS specific into the Legion lore didn’t care for Tyroc.