It’s a wrap on the original incarnation of the Doom Patrol.
We’ve been through some highs and some Mento lows, but it’s time to take a look at the series as a whole.
Historical significance: 7/10
All things considered, the Doom Patrol tends to stay in its corner of the DC Universe. With the sole exception of Beast Boy, very little of what happens in this series influences anything but other Doom Patrol stories.
Silver Age-ness: 5/10
The first half of the series is surprisingly grounded when it comes to characterization, even if the goofy plots have always been there. The series feels more aligned with its DC contemporaries later on, but the score is lowered by the ending.
Does it stand the test of time? 7/10
The first issues are really, REALLY ahead of their time. They’re frankly more similar to what Marvel was doing at the time, and in many ways the Doom Patrol is even more modern.
Unfortunately, what made them truly unique… their personal tragedies, them being more of a family than a team… is slowly pushed to the side to make them more traditional superheroes.
Adding the fact that they don’t exactly have the best rogues gallery, there isn’t enough steam to make them stand out. But they eventually get out with a bang (LITERALLY) with a finale that almost no other series could have afforded.
And now, ladies and gentlemen: the Doom Awards!
BEST HERO
Winner: Elasti-Girl
The real MVP of this run. She’s both the powerhouse and the heart of the team, being the only one to remember they’re supposed to be a positive example for “freaks”… even if she doesn’t exactly belong in the group. Her biggest weakness in the team is that she doesn’t truly fit the theme: there is absolutely no believable reason why she shouldn’t be a mainstream hero, she faces NO personal repercussions for having powers. Except maybe losing her job as an actress, but it’s made abundantly clear several times that she could go back to acting if she wanted.
That being said, if it wasn’t for Elasti-Girl constantly pushing the others, I’m pretty sure they would have done WAY less heroics.
Runner-up: Robotman
Unquestionably THE face of the Doom Patrol. Mostly because he’s the one consistent throughout various incarnations, sure, but he’s SO good in this series. He’s the most human and BY FAR the most tragic, but he also provides some great action and occasionally good comedy.
What holds him back from first place is just how unnecessarily hostile he is towards Beast Boy for basically no reason. And for being a huge factor in Elasti-Girl giving a chance to Mento (what the heck, Robotman!?).
But talk about resilient: the man will literally beat you without arms or legs!!!
Third place: Beast Boy
No wonder he was the only one to break out of the series. Although the fact that they hesitated to murder a teenager might be a factor. But he’s a breath of fresh air when he shows up, with a surprisingly realistic personality for a teenager in the DC Silver Age who doesn’t join the Legion.
Honorable mention: Negative Man
A great character when they remember to use him. There are SO MANY issues where either he doesn’t do anything or is immediately defeated in an underwhelming way. Things get even worse when Mento and Beast Boy join the cast, because Negative Man ends up having even less stuff to do.
WORST HERO
Winner: Mento
Least surprising award I’ve ever assigned, I know.
But nothing about him works! He’s already a bad fit for the team: the Doom Patrol was supposed to be composed of misfits, what does that have to do with the world’s fifth richest man putting on a super-helmet? He also exacerbates Elasti-Girl’s problems, because now the team of misfits has TWO people who face no negative repercussions to their powers.
He also has a TERRIBLE relationship with everyone! Starting with Elasti-Girl herself, since he starts as a creepy stalker and continues as a controlling insecure husband.
He’s dismissive and sometimes downright cruel towards Robotman and Negative Man, he doesn’t display a good relationship with Beast Boy, and he basically ignores Chief.
And that’s not even the last of my complaints! He also sucks as a hero, not even willing to do the bare minimum unless he’s pushed by everyone else, and even THEN only when it benefits HIM.
I have SLIGHTLY exaggerated my distaste for him, but I’m being serious here: as a human being, Mento really is just. THE. WORST.
For reference, THIS is his reaction to his wife using her powers (in private!) to save a man.
Runner-up: the Challengers Of The Unknown
The team-up really didn’t do them any favors. The barely do anything, and even what they manage isn’t particularly impressive. What a terrible introduction to the team.
Third place: the Teen Titans
Speaking of disappointing team-ups! Unlike the Challengers they do something… but it’s either ridiculous or underwhelming. They don’t even try believing and helping Beast Boy until they HAVE to.
Dishonorable mention: the Justice League
Wait, you exist in this series!? Where the heck were you when there were many, many, MANY instances of the whole world was in danger and NONE of you show up even ONCE!
Except Flash in a single team-up, which makes things even worse: because of him you SHOULD know about the Brotherhood of Evil, and the Doom Patrol even knows where their base is… DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!
BEST VILLAIN
Winner: Animal-Vegetable-Mineral Man
Most of the Doom Patrol villains are more ridiculous than threatening. The AVM Man is the only one that genuinely made me worry for the heroes, plus his powers are sheer horror. However, unlike some other shapeshifting villain down the line, he’s not SO overpowered that he breaks the story.
Runner-up: Madame Rouge
Her character development came out of absolutely nowhere, and despite the buildup it’s dismissed in a throwaway story. But still, she’s the only villain to have a personality… or two, in her case.
Had the series continued, she could have been a great nemesis for the whole team.
I have to bring up something that has always bothered me, though. Her real name isn’t Madame Rouge, it’s a name she came up with… why is she calling herself “red lady” when SHE NEVER DRESSES IN RED?????
Third place: General Immortus and Garguax, tie
Shocking, I know, but despite the lip service to how terrifying they’re supposed to be… they’re just straight out of a Saturday morning cartoon, and not a particularly good one. They’re never particularly threatening or effective.
Honorable mention: the Mutant Masters, Doom Patrol #115-116
They came THIS CLOSE to being complex characters, but they still manage to bring the Doom Patrol back to what was supposed to be their defining characteristics.
WORST VILLAIN
Winner: Black Vulture, Doom Patrol #117
He looks ridiculous, his abilities make no sense, his story sucks and it’s more than a little racist.
Runner-up: the Brain and Monsieur Mallah
Perhaps a controversial pick, but everything I said about General Immortus and Garguax is true for them as well… except SOMETIMES Immortus and Garguax actually accomplish something.
The Brain just keeps repeating disappointing plan after disappointing plan. To top it, he’s not exactly great at leading the Brotherhood… in fact for the longest time it wasn’t clear at all who was supposed to be calling the shots.
At the end of the series he’s lost the entire team except Mallah who doesn’t do anything, and (even if it’s later retconned) is taken out with a one-shot from a former member allying herself with a new guy. Not exactly nemesis material there!
Third place: Doctor Death
Do you know how much you have to suck if you’re a hooded supervillain who uses both medieval aesthetic and superweapons while calling yourself “Doctor” with an alliteration… and I don’t care about you?
Dishonorable mention: Mr. 103
Take away everything that made the AMV Man great, make his weaknesses as a villain even worse, and give him one of the worst costumes I’ve ever seen… and you come up with Mr.103, one of the most blatant wasted potentials out of the Silver Age.
BEST STORY
Winner: Doom Patrol #90
I was looking for a solid story that represented a classic Doom Patrol adventure while showcasing what made them stand out from other teams. While there were many candidates, this one stood out.
Runner-up: Doom Patrol #88 (Part 2)
This was one of the stories I remember more vividly, and it still stands out. It’s still absolutely ridiculous if you think about it for a second, but damn if this doesn’t keep you on the edge of your seat the entire time!
Third place: Doom Patrol #89
The first AMV Man story is not exactly deep, but it’s an engaging superhero battle with a TERRIFYING villain.
Honorable mention: Doom Patrol #121
As mentioned, in many ways it’s ahead of its time. It’s hurt by having stuff come out of nowhere.
MOST INFLUENTIAL STORY
Winner: Doom Patrol #121
You wouldn’t have the other series without the death of the original team, it’s influential for Beast Boy, and I think it establishes the team as being unique out of universe as well.
Runner-up: Doom Patrol #104
There aren’t a lot of married superheroes in this period, even if this one doesn’t last long.
Third place: Doom Patrol #99 (Part 1)
Since I keep bringing up Beast Boy, his first appearance naturally qualifies.
Honorable mention: Challengers of the Unknown #48
Technically speaking, the story that integrated the Doom Patrol into the rest of the DC Universe.
WORST STORY
Winner: Doom Patrol #99, Part 2
Negative Man is jealous of his energy body, which has a mind of his own? SINCE WHEN?
Runner-up: Doom Patrol #117
Black Vulture sucks. His story sucks even more.
Third place: Doom Patrol #114 (Part 1)
When the story is SO bad I have to turn the review into a meme, you know it’s rock bottom.
Dishonorable mention: Doom Patrol #96
The story makes no sense whatsoever, but at least in an entertaining way!
MOST SILVER AGE PANEL
MOST MEME-WORTHY PANEL
Tied with:
BEST PANEL
Nah, I’m kidding.
This is the award I struggled the most with, since there are A LOT of great Premiani panels.
I’m going for an unusual choice: this is basically a throwaway panel in a rather stupid story; he didn’t have to go this hard, but he REALLY sells you the situation. It’s honestly way better than the story featuring it!
WORST PANEL
For the same reason, there wasn’t a panel that really stood out for bad artwork… so I’m going with the worst joke.
MOST WTF PANEL
MOST “WHERE ARE THE OTHER HEROES” PANEL
BEST REACTION SHOT
WORST REACTION SHOT
BEST MIDGET
WORST MIDGET
WORST AGED WORDS
BEST SPLASH PAGE
MOST FANSERVICE PANEL
MOST “SOMEONE’S FETISH” PANEL
BEST DANCING
WORST DANCING
BEST SONG
“Sur le pont d’Avignon”, by Random French Schoolgirls
WORST SONG
“Sur le pont d’Avignon”, by The Brotherhood of Evil
WORST BREAKFAST
WORST SANDWITCH
WORST MAZEPPAS
WORST POWER FOR WEARING A SKIRT
BEST COVER
This is a tough one, as there are many great covers. This one stands out for a truly haunting double expression from Madame Rouge.
WORST COVER
This is also a tough one, since I don’t think the Doom Patrol has any BAD cover.
But this one comes close, as the forms taken by Mr.103 are a bit goofy and Elasti-Girl commits the crime of describing what is happening.
BEST COSTUME
Winner: Doom Patrol, classic costume
It’s VERY close to the original look, but I like this slightly better.
Runner-up: Doom Patrol, original costume
That being said, it’s VERY close.
Third place: Madame Rouge, final costume
A significant improvement over her non-costume from earlier, but it still bothers me that IT’S NOT RED.
Honorable mention: super-raincoat
Chief has access to a super-plastic that is basically indestructible. Why aren’t ALL costumes covered in this stuff?
WORST COSTUME
Winner: Mento (third costume)
He looks like a bird pooped over his costume. And that’s the most charitable description.
Runner-up: Mento (first costume)
And that is his best-looking helmet. Think about how sad that is.
Third place: Mento (second costume)
If he had a less goofy helmet and kept the thunderbolt on his chest, this might actually have been decent.
Dishonorable mention: Beast Boy
The fact that he has to wear a mask doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. The fact that he started with a mask that doesn’t even hide his green skin is even worse!
Hmm, somewhat doesn’t feel right ending the awards like this.
What am I missing?
That panel now lives rent-free in my mind.
The big question is, if the Doom Patrol retrospective end in the “Doom Awards”, what will cap off the Doctor Doom retrospective? Doctor Awards?
The Doctor Doom retrospective doesn’t currently have a “real” deadline so it won’t have a true award.
Also I would have to give all the good awards to Doom and the bad ones to Reed or I’d be executed 🙂
Some Doom-adjacent stuff might get awards, in which case I’ll have to be creative.