ADVENTURE COMICS 345 (1966)
by Edmond Hamilton & Curt Swan
The swan song (pun intended) of the Hamilton era.
A quick recap: the Legion and a bunch of minor heroes we’ll never see again have been imprisoned by Nardo, a criminal who “loves the law like a tomcat loves a bulldog”. (???)
Nardo tries to kill Matter-Eater Lad as punishment for escaping the prison camp, but Blockade Boy uses his powers to protect him.
Aaand he’s dead.
What an ending for the glorious career of Blockade Boy… dying the first time we ever see him use his powers.
Back at the camp, Brainiac 5 suspects Weight Wizard is the mole, based on the fact that he’s done nothing but look suspicious the entire time, and he spies on him with a “flying ear” that we saw him start to build last issue.
And indeed it turns out that the real mole is… the only guy everyone has been suspecting the entire time.
Thrilling, I know.
Weight Wizard manages to escape from the Legion by making himself extra-light.
HOW ARE ALL OF YOU SO USELESS!?!?
I can kind of excuse Invisible Kid and Brainiac 5… invisibility doesn’t help here, and Nardo confiscated the force field belt.
But come on, Cosmic Boy’s magnetic powers can’t find SOMETHING to work with?
Element Lad can’t transmute Weight Wizard’s boots into lead?
Chameleon Boy… actually I’m not surprised he can’t do anything, he’s useless in this era.
Nardo puts a stop to the fight, and suddenly Weigh Wizard has changed his mind. No reason given… he just does. (???)
Sooo… remind me again why Weight Wizard decided to work with Nardo instead of escaping? It doesn’t look too difficult!
I would also point out that Weight Wizard has the same power of Light Lass but on a more limited form (he can only change HIS weight), but this random guy gets to use his powers more creatively in 1 story than she was allowed in dozen of issues.
Aaand he’s dead.
Back at the camp, Invisible Kid tries to escape by turning himself invisible (what else was he going to do?), and as punishment Nardo shrinks him.
Okay now we’re just throwing around random scenes.
Especially since the shrink ray has a temporary effect. I sure am glad we wasted a couple of pages on this.
Matter-Eater Lad is still going to be executed… because somehow his escape attempt warrants more punishment than all the others… but Brainiac 5 is already working on another invention.
He also makes telepathic contact with Saturn Girl, but instead of coordinating their efforts he tells the girls to stop trying to escape because that’s a man’s job. (WTF?)
Her plan is to have the girls work together…
…allow Duo Damsel to make a break for it…
…and take control of the camp’s lights to scare the nearby beasts!
(to be fair, the presence of these animals was shown during Weight Wizard’s escape)
I love Brainiac 5, but there’s no denying that Saturn Girl is a FAR better leader.
At least his dust blower proves effective, in no small part thanks to Element Lad remembering he can sometimes DO SOMETHING.
You know, for a supposedly all-powerful hero killer…
…Nardo is kind of an idiot.
As is most of the Legion. WHY ARE YOU SO BAD AT THIS!?
Nardo then organizes the execution of Matter-Eater Lad, and even the arrival of the rest of the Legion can’t save him.
Except… he’s not dead, he’s just fat. (triple WTF!?)
And so we have reached the end of the Hamilton era: after the Legion has been completely ineffective the entire time, the bad guy is defeated off-panel and we close on a goofy transformation that makes absolutely no sense and has nothing to do with the rest of the story.
Somehow, that’s the most fitting ending for Edmond Hamilton’s run.
Legion significance: 0/10
I think Blockade Boy gets mentioned maybe once. That’s about it.
Silver Age-ness: 8/10
I’ve seen WAY dumber and random stories, but WOW.
Does it stand the test of time? 0/10
Ugh. It’s not often that the Legion sucks at its job THIS badly. The idea of a super-hero prison camp is awesome, but this two-parter does absolutely nothing interesting with it.
The attempt to make us care about the other heroes is laughable at best and insulting at worst..
We are legion
12 Legionnaires active in this story
6 not shown but officially members
2 reserve members: Bouncing Boy and Kid Psycho
2 resigned members: Dream Girl, Command Kid
1 honorary member: Elastic Lad
1 expelled member: Star Boy
1 deceased member: Dynamo Boy
How much Legion is too much?
The Legion currently has 18 active members. The total number of characters who have been members is 25.