FANTASTIC FOUR #23 (1964)
by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby
Nice cover, although it kind of looks like Doctor Doom is playing a Fantastic Four videogame.
We begin with Jack Kirby showing off.
The dinosaur has been accidentally transported to the present because Reed’s been running experiments on Doom’s time machine, after they brought it to the Fantastic Four’s headquarters, the Baxter Building.
That’s a weird looking dinosaur, by the way.
Reed is mad at the Human Torch and the Thing for not taking his work seriously.
Which is fair… their constant bickering and fooling around with superpowers can be a bit too childish. But is he running experiments on the time machine while he’s on another room or what?
He also points out that his work is really important for manking.
Which is right. He’s going to discover the cure for blindness any day now.
I was afraid we were going to see Doom in a ridiculous disguse again, but it turns out the bald guy is just a robot.
A robot that looks kind of cheap for Doom’ standards.
Doom introduces the criminals to each other. I know we should expect Doom to be over-the-top in his presentation, like in everything he does, but…
I cannot imagine Doom saying “behind his movie star features is the cunning, cool brain of a merciless con man”. I just can’t.
I CAN imagine him saying “only I would bail three criminals with special talents out of jail”.
It doesn’t make it any less ridiculous, but I can imagine it.
Meanwhile, the Fantastic Three have had enough of Reed’s leadership and decide to hold an election.
And each one votes for himself. I can see Johnny and Ben do this, at least at this point in their career, but early Susan is typically better than this!
Then again, none of them brings up any legitimate reason why they should be in charge…
Susan: “I’m the only girl here!”
Ben: “I’m the strongest!”
Johnny: “Your face is stupid!”
They fight for a couple of pages, and I can understand why Reed is more than a little smug when he interrupts the fight.
Though he could DEFINITELY be less condescending towards Susan.
Meanwhile, Doom is giving superpowers to his newest henchmen with his XZ-12 Device ™.
Okay, this could be interesting! What have you got?
Super-strength. A little generic, sure, but if it gets the job done, why not. Next?
I don’t quite understand the difference between “resistance to flame” and “being fireproof”, but okay, we’re getting somewhere. A guy who is immune to the Torch’s power and another one who is strong like the Thing.
What power does he give to the third guy?
Super-hearing.
I’m sure the guy who can hear a feather’s fall is delighted to hear a gunshot.
Also, what a letdown compared to the others!
And speaking of letdowns… Doom’s master plan?
It starts with fake news about the Human Torch getting a free new car.
Okay, first: HOW is that front page news?
Second: who could possibly be dumb enough to fall for this!?
I wonder why nobody voted him as the next leader.
Johnny sneaks out, while his sister is busy testing her powers. It seems she wasn’t done learning four new uses for her powers last issue.
The Human Torch gets into his new sports car, without questioning its origin or anything…
…and ends up being trapped inside with the fireproof guy.
Note the car is entirely coated with asbestos.
Is Doom trying to kill the Torch with cancer, either from asbestos or secondhand smoking?
Nope. Sleeping gas.
Well that was disappointing. And the fireproof guy was completely unnecessary! If it’s THAT easy to trick the Torch, why not gassing him directly?
Maybe the guy Doom sent against the Thing will give a better show.
He does manage to defeat the Thing in hand-to-hand combat… after shooting him with a gun that turns the Thing back into a regular human.
What was the point of giving this random guy super-strength if you were going to use this gun!?
Back at the Baxter Building, the Invisible Girl is still practicing the use of her powers when Reed decides to test her combat skills.
He tries to hold her by turning into a human chain, in a very weird but creative use of his powers, but Susan will have none of it and breaks free quite easily.
He reacts… poorly to her acting indignant.
Yes, Reed, only a woman would be upset when the team leader barges into her room insisting that she has to prove herself as a valuable member of the team.
“Go polish a test tube” deserves to be a catchphrase.
That’s when Handsome Harry shows up with some flowers.
That was the rest of the “master plan”, by the way. Get the Invisible Girl to smell some flowers.
This is SERIOUSLY underwhelming, Doom. Why even give this guy super-hearing!?
Simple: to help his aim when he shoots her with sleeping gas.
Okay. Doom’s henchmen suck. But he kept Mister Fantastic for himself, this should be interesting!
Or he could trap him in two panels thanks to a robot that looks like the Thing.
What, no sleeping gas this time?
At least his henchmen get something for their help… five thousand dollars.
Sounds kind of cheap for Doom.
But not as cheap as TELEPORTING THEM TO ANOTHER DIMENSION to avoid paying them!!!
Not cool, Doom. Seriously not cool!
Also: you have a box that teleports whoever opens it into another dimension and you give the Human Torch and the Invisible Girl fake gifts instead of having them open boxes!?!!?
The Fantastic Four manage to escape because Doom doesn’t know that the Invisible Girl gained her forcefield last issue.
Good use of continuity, but seriously underwhelming for Doom, who usually is absurdly updated about everything, especially when it comes to the Fantastic Four.
During the fight, Doom uses a device inside his armor to freeze Reed.
Cool gadget.
(I know, I know, awful pun.)
The Human Torch frees him while the Thing fights Doctor Doom, leading to Reed questioning his leadership and admitting he needs the rest of the team.
I don’t know, Reed. All four of you suck during this entire issue.
As we approach the end, we get to the dumbest moment… I’d say “get ready”, but you’re not ready.
So… get this. Doctor Doom specifically bought the warehouse where the fight is taking place because he discovered it’s in the path of a Solar Wave.
Which is CONVENIENTLY having its effect right now.
What’s a Solar Wave, you may ask? Well, it’s just THE DUMBEST THING I’VE EVER HEARD.
Let me get this straight.
Every once in a while, a random part of the planet is hit by some kind of wave emitted by the Sun; when this specific wave hits some “ionic dust particles”, whatever is in contact with those particles is TELEPORTED INTO SPACE.
I have no words.
And why does he need this thing!? He already has boxes that teleport people into other dimensions!
We’re not done with the stupid: Doom is prevented from escaping thanks to the Invisible Girl’s field, that holds him hostage…
…leading to Doom leaving his hiding spot to turn off the machine…
…and be tossed into space by the Thing…
…while screaming for help.
Sooo… THAT happened.
Historical significance: 1/10
Believe it or not, the trio of losers picked up by Doom has a couple of appereances in some Human Torch stories. They’re mercifully forgotten.
Doom significance: 1/10
First time Doom gives superpowers to his henchmen. Fortunately he’ll get a better track record.
Silver Age-ness: 9/10
Oh boy. Asbestos everywhere, the heroes falling for stupid traps, the villain falling for a stupid trap, and most importantly the Solar Wave.
If this was DC Silver Age it wouldn’t even be in the top twenty stupidest scientifically implausible plot devices. At Marvel it’s pretty much as dumb as it gets.
Does it stand the test of time? 2/10
This was painful to read through. The Fantastic Four acting like children, falling for the oldest tricks in the book and constantly bickering, Mister Fantastic’s misogynistic rants, the lame henchmen, the ridiculous science (even by comic book standards)… awful. Just awful.
Saved from reaching a 0/10 only by constantly showing that the Invisible Girl is far from useless and by having Mister Fantastic learn a little humility at the end. He can go polish a test tube.
Marvel, go to your room and think about what you’ve done.
It was a Doombot all along
I would LOVE to be able to say that this is a Doombot, considering how many times he’s out of character. Considering the way he’s brought back in his next appereance, however, that’s extremely unlikely.
Take over the world
Not this time. Doom only wants to…
Destroy the FF!
It’s the entire point of the “master plan”, so this definitely counts.
Crazy tech
The XZ-12 Device could’ve been interesting, but it’s used to provide dumb powers.
The gun that temporarily returns the Thing to his human form is impressive, but not particularly so in an era when the Thing transformed for seemingly random reasons.
The freezing device is rather effective, but really it’s a tossup between the Solar Wave and the Box That Transports You To Another Dimension.
I’ll go with the boxes since they are absurdly more practical.