Doom Patrol #97 (1965)
by Arnold Drake & Bruno Premiani
cover by Bob Brown
No, this is not Bizarro Elasti-Girl.
We begin with the Doom Patrol fighting flying saucers and rocket ships!
Notice Negative Man doing so by flying into a different panel, nice touch.
But this was just a training exercise.
Which come to think of it we don’t see all that often anymore in team books.
It is kind of weird that they’re focusing on this when last issue they discovered there’s an alien base on the Moon ready to strike at any moment.
Or rather, once the villains agree on what they actually want.
I think the Doom Patrol can take its time dealing with these guys.
Garguax then prepares to unleash “Operation MS”.
I’m guessing “Operation BS” was taken.
Then General Immortus, who has suddenly developed a pseudo-German accent, decides that he needs more slaves.
I know he’s a villain… but this hasn’t aged well.
SOMEHOW Madame Rouge manages to be less racist!
So she has an army of Asian Bizarros now.
Robotman runs into one of the Asian Bizarros, and they’re really tough.
I thought these were supposed to be mind-controlled slaves. Why are they giving them enough free will to start a revolution?
Serious question: would “Your mother eats yogurt” have been considered an insult in 1965, or is Arnold Drake being weird?
Because let me tell you, this story is WEIRD.
Is this awesomely stupid or stupidly awesome? Probably both.
Turns out the way to turn people into giant mind-controlled Bizarros is a bell.
How is Robotman going to fix this? The way he always does: breaking stuff!
The other batch of Mind Slaves is recruited from Swedish lumberjacks.
I… don’t have any memes on Sweden. Sorry.
As an apology, here’s an image about Jimmy Olsen doing something stupid.
Elasti-Girl defeats the Swedish Bizarros by planting a forest around them.
But the Swedish Bizarros don’t need a fancy bell to transform people (???), so we get Bizarro Elasti-Girl at last.
We MERCIFULLY only get one page with African Bizarros.
Oh please, a giant girl made of crystal with a gorilla on her shoulder is not even in the top weirdest things of the Silver Age.
(we can all agree the plane’s pilot is dead, right?)
Because the story is not insane enough already, Mento shows up!
Did Robotman really get himself captured on purpose, or is this just him trying to save his reputation?
Wait, you had a giant super-strong woman under your command and your best idea on how to use such an asset is to make her surrender as a hostage???
If Robotman was just boasting, at least he has a bit of dignity left. The same can’t be said about the others.
Why would you order Elasti-Girl to shrink and turn back human only for then turn her into a Bizarro again???
Robotman then saves the day, proving Operation BS was a colossal failure.
With a little help. Will Mento prove useful?
No. No he won’t.
Alright, alright, even if I hate to do this I have to give SOME credit to Mento: he’s the only one who can use his hat.
Especially when he’s IMMEDIATELY disarmed by Madame Rouge.
The Brotherhood Of Evil was ready for this, and they have countermeasures for all the Doom Patrol members.
Except Elasti-Girl. Because why would you need a plan to deal with the powerhouse of the opposing team?
And Negative Man, who saves the day by ripping his shirt.
The Brotherhood leaves by threating to detonate a bomb, and the Doom Patrol decides to hold a vote on whether to allow Mento to join.
And Mento is rejected from membership!!!
Historical significance: 0/10
But sadly not the last time Mento tries to join the team.
Silver Age-ness: 8/10
Completely unexplained rays that turn people into giant crystal monsters who follow orders.
Does it stand the test of time? 3/10
The premise is silly and the Doom Patrol is particularly ineffective most of the time. It still has solid artwork and a few entertaining fight scenes, but in the last few issues the series has lacked the magic that distinguished it from other DC books.
Times Robotman has been damaged: 11
Issues when Robotman is never damaged: 9
Interesting letters: before becoming a writer and editor, Roy Thomas was a historically important figure in fanzines and a frequent letter writer.
