DAZZLER #3 (1981)
Writer: Tom DeFalco
Pencils: John Romita Jr. & Alan Kupperberg
cover by Frank Springer
Poor Dazzler gets a bad rap. She’s not a bad character, but her solo series was, as she eloquently tells us in the cover, “yikes!”.
She’s visiting the Fantastic Four, where Mr. Fantastic is checking her powers while the Human Torch is checking her out.
She has a rather interesting power: she converts sound into light. And as she demonstrates in an impromptu sparring session, she’s also very good at… of all things… roller-skating.
I understand trying to hype your new character, but her being able to evade the Torch by roller-skating is ridiculous.
Unless the Torch is more interested in staring at her backside than fighting her, which wouldn’t exactly be off-character for him.
But once they’re done with that, they talk about Doctor Doom’s family jewels.
It seems that at this point Doom’s escape isn’t public knowledge. Strangely enough there is a footnote for his last battle with the FF, but not for his escape. Weird.
We then cut to the United Nations, where the exhibition of the Latverian crown jewels is taking place.
Continuing the theme from last story, it seems that the Zorba regime is so desperate for cash that he’s planning to sell the jewels… if his crooked ambassador doesn’t steal them first.
How does this have anything to do with Dazzler, you may ask? Well she’s a singer, and the United Nations are going to ask her to do a charity concert.
You’ll forgive me if I don’t go too much into detail about the various subplots about Dazzler’s career and civilian life, I’m sure. Most of it isn’t very good.
Also because every time I see this doofus in a panel I feel like I need to take a shower.
That’s Lance Steele, and he’s going to be her love interest for a while.
And now for the complete freaking opposite of that: Doctor Doom’s backup castle!
Doom isn’t particularly interested in Zorba’s plan to sell the jewels… until he learns that the Merlin Stone is among them.
We jump forward in time for the concert’s opening, where the ambassador’s goons are going to infiltrate the concert by looking like “a gang of punk rockers”.
Because I guess nobody has to check your ID at a charity concert? WTF!?
Case in point: they’re immediately discovered by Dazzler’s bodyguard.
While Dazzler isn’t exactly a powerhouse, she ends up being the one to rescue the bodyguard.
The explanation for why Dazzler is so skilled on roller-skates that she can incorporate them in her her fighting technique is that “her stage act requires a lot of stunt and speed skating”.
I’ve known Dazzler for decades and I’m still baffled by the fact that we have a character THAT CAN SHOOT LASER BEAMS and the way they want to hyper her up is that she’s kind of good on skates.
One tediously drawn-out fight scene later, Dazzler is taken out by someone who shoots her in the back.
Which leads to what is by far the best moment of the story: this AWESOME splash page!
That gorgeous page has no right to be in this comic.
Despite the fact that he just shot her in the back, Doom reassures Dazzler that he means no harm because “Doom does not make war on helpless civilians”.
A normal person would say “I knew about the concert”, but only Doom can say “I was aware of this evening’s musicale”.
Doom may be WAY above Dazzler’s level, but she still finds a weakness… his need to pontificate!
So, we’re reached the point where Doom explains what he’s here to do. And it’s to finish the quest from his very first appearance!!!
I love 1980s captions.
Anyway, after all this time Doom has found a way to recover Merlin’s mystical gems: they’re stuck in another dimension.
All Doom needs to recover the whole set, which he says will make him invincible is to take two gems… one of which is the Merlin Stone which is in the exhibit.
Dazzler realizes that she has to stop him. Her light show proves to be ineffectual.
So she ATTACKS DOCTOR DOOM WITH HER ROLLER SKATES.
And THEN she hits him with the lasers.
WHY WERE THE SKATES NECESSARY!?!?
But Doom is like “b#tch please, I’m Doom”.
He does compliment her by saying that she’s going to be useful…
…but only because she’s “someone inconsequential”.
Doom doesn’t have all that much to do in the second part, so let’s review that one quickly.
DAZZLER #4 (1981)
Writer: Tom DeFalco
Pencils: Frank Springer
cover by Frank Springer
Too bad Dazzler’s series ended before the gimmick cover craze, because if there ever was a title where holographic covers would’ve made sense it was Dazzler.
Again, the splash page is way too good for this comic.
Doom doesn’t seem to be a fan of Dazzler’s music, but he’s figured out a way to exploit her power to convert sound into light.
Any other villain would simply tell Dazzler “don’t even try to escape”, but Doom has a whole speech ready to go.
Doom has taken Dazzler to a secret lab in Manhattan (perhaps the same where he fought Spider-Man?), and he wants to send her to another dimension to recover the rest of the Merlin Stones.
And Dazzler is like “WTF does this have to do with me!?”
But Doom doesn’t care about that, and she’s sent to another dimension with an exceptionally awkward caption.
I’ll skip most of Dazzler’s extra-dimensional adventures since they have little to do with Doom, but I absolutely have to talk about some of its craziness.
First, look at what Doom is using to monitor her progress!
Second, despite the talk about her potential, Doom really doesn’t have much faith in Dazzler.
Third, is Doctor Doom drinking tea!? This is the first time I’ve EVER seen him drink from something that isn’t a wine glass or a goblet!!!
The rest of the story is Dazzler fighting her daddy issues…
…her evil doppelganger…
…Doctor Strange villain Nightmare…
…and something that would’ve come up in fanart if Dazzler was actually famous.
She ends up defeating Nightmare because, and I’m not kidding, he’s afraid of the light.
So now Doctor Doom has all he needs to recover the jewels that will make him invincible!
Great job, Dazzler.
But she does eventually remember that SHE CAN SHOOT FREAKING LASERS, and she ends up destroying the Merlin Stones.
And Dazzler is like “Look man, I don’t write the script okay?”
Okay, so Dazzler versus Doctor Doom!
Aaaand she goes down in three panels.
There’s yet another parallel with Doom’s first encounter with Spider-Man: he leaves because he’s not prepared to fight the Fantastic Four at this moment.
And so we end the story! There’s some subplot about a potential romance between Dazzler and the Torch, but nothing will come of it.
Doom significance: 1/10
It’s technically speaking the resolution to his very first story, so even if it’s never been referenced again it does have SOME significance.
Silver Age-ness: 4/10
Just because we’re in the 80s and waaaay out of any Silver Age definition doesn’t mean that there aren’t still Silver Age tropes around!
Does it stand the test of time? 5/10
Ah, the Dazzler series. There is so much weirdness and randomness here that the entire series would honestly deserve a complete retrospective. And I might do one in the future, if I ever work up the courage to read the series a second time.
But honestly these two stories aren’t really all that bad! They’re not GOOD, mind you, but they’re not trash. The premise is just fine… Dazzler is a street-level hero at this point, so figuring out a way for her to interact with Doom was always going to be weird.
The first one is definitely the better one: it does a find job with the juxtaposition of Dazzler’s mundane problems and Doom’s over-the-top plans. But the second part goes off the rails a little too much, to the point that the comic pretty much gives up trying to find a believable way for her to win and just does whatever.
It was a Doombot all along
This might as well be a Doombot, and I’d rather have a robot being surprised by roller-skates than the real Doctor Doom.
Destroy the FF! & Take over the world
He actively avoids the FF, but I’m still adding to the “Take over the world” count. We’re up to 19 attempts and 2 successes, by the way.
Crazy tech
What else could it possibly be except that WEIRD inter-dimensional telescope!?
Number of superheroes who have fought Dr. Doom: 38
Obviously adding Dazzler. Funnily enough, I don’t think they ever meet again.