JIMMY OLSEN 91 (1966)
“The Dragon Delinquent!” by Leo Dorfman & Pete Costanza
“Jimmy Olsen’s Magic Manacles!” by Leo Dorfman & Curt Swan
Superman’s had enough of Jimmy’s nonsense.
And so has Van Benson, the current editor of the Daily Planet since this was published after Lois Lane #62.
He has so little patience for Jimmy that he has to pretend to have a broken hand in order to follow a story.
All so that he can pretend to be a jackass on a motorcycle.
Alright, what’s going on? It looks like Jimmy’s hometown Mapleton has a big problem with a biker gang, so Jimmy pretends to be one of them.
Apparently Jimmy can pass for a high school student just fine.
“The Dragons” are not your run-of-the-mill biker gang. It’s a full blown criminal organization.
“Hard boiled delinquents”, you might say.
The Dragon try to recruit Jimmy with their initiation: crashing through a wall.
Joke’s on them, Jimmy wouldn’t have sustained any brain injury even if that wall was real because he no longer has a functioning brain.
Second step of the initiation: being interrogated by Superman!
But it’s not the real Superman. Just a robot used by the biker gang. (WTF!?)
We actually do get an explanation for the robot: it belongs to the leader of the Dragons, “Traitor”, who… got it from a random scientist.
Oh come on, THAT’s useless only because it can’t fly!?!?
Jimmy helps the Dragons in a few crimes, including one when he discovers a fan.
Since they went to school together, does she know about the girl who Jimmy repeatedly bullied because she was fat?
Maybe she does, considering she’s just messing with him!
I like her already.
Since Jimmy failed his first assignment, he’s asked to steal the bell of the Notre Dame tower. WHAT!!?!?
He also has to fight a fake Quasimodo (!!!) who keeps a stun gun in his hunch. (!!!)
But don’t worry: he’s saved by Robin!
I have no idea what the hell is going on.
The Jimmy Olsen / Robin team-up that nobody wanted is here!
Ladies and gentlemen, we are officially off the rails now.
Okay, so… if I understand this correctly, the bikers are actually working for someone who stole photographs of a Transformer?
Turns out that even foolish punks can be patriots. Or something.
This all makes sense if you’re stoned out of your mind.
Jimmy even gets the girl at the end.
Don’t expect him to mention this to Lucy.
Any chance that the second story will make a little more sense than this!?
I guess not.
I didn’t skip anything, by the way, that’s the second panel of the story. The “magic manacles of Zorn” come out of nowhere.
Whose bright idea was to give mind-controlling handcuffs to Jimmy Olsen!?
OH MY GOD.
If you told me “In this story Jimmy handcuffs his girlfriend and she slaps him”, this is NOT the what I would’ve expected.
Some random criminals happen to see this, and they want to swindle a mysterious high-stakes bettor. Since he believes Jimmy is just faking it, he tests if he can make him fly. (???)
AND IT WORKS.
“The manacles of Zorn” have actually an interesting backstory.
The criminals later try to bribe Jimmy into selling the manacles.
AND IT WORKS.
Except…
Wait… Jimmy was only trolling the criminals? AND Lucy was helping him because he told her everything?
AND Superman kept his interference to a minimum in order to help the sting operation?
I’m… I’m speechless. This was actually… GOOD!?
Oh my God.
I actually found it… I found a good Jimmy Olsen story in the Silver Age!!!
And it’s written by Leo Dorfman, who I usually despise!
You know what, Jimmy? This time… just this once… I’m going to let you have it. You actually deserved the good ending this time around.
Historical significance: 0/10
No, of course we’ll never see Rena again.
Silver Age-ness
First story: 10/10
Sure it gets even crazier later, but it begins with a biker gang with a Superman robot!
Second story: 7/10
A fine balance between Jimmy’s adventures being common knowledge but also unbelievable enough to warrant several tests.
Does it stand the test of time?
First story: 0/10
Up until we get to the real plan behind the gang it was your typical silliness, but then all logic evaporates.
Second story: 9/10
The highest score so far for Jimmy. Yes it’s silly, yes it’s a bit forced in several places, but there’s a logic behind everything and the ending is well deserved. Credit where credit is due, I genuinely think this is a good story.
Stupid Jimmy Olsen moment
First story: Rena is going to rob Jimmy blind, isn’t she?
Second story: everything turned out fine in the end, but Jimmy’s plan completely relied on the criminals being morons.