The Villain Origins retrospective doesn’t include Spider-Man villains because their first appearances tend to be well-written and they typically appear very close to their classic version.
There are exceptions, though: I’ve covered Boomerang because of the absurdity of him debuting as a Hulk villain. And there’ll be a similar exception down the line.
But I also wanted to include one of his silliest villains. The go-to jokes from the 70s tend to be Big Wheel or Hypno-Hustler, to the point they’re predictable punching bags.
So instead let’s have a look at a supervillain who was SUPPOSED to be taken seriously but is actually crap.
And if there’s a series that practically guarantees bad 70s Spider-Man stories… it’s Marvel Team-Up.
MARVEL TEAM-UP #19 (1974)
by Len Wein & Gil Kane
This series had Spider-Man teaming up with a different hero every issue. And this gimmick was probably its biggest weakness, because you have to find ways to have a street hero meet a Tarzan wannabe that fights dinosaurs in Antartica.
Well that must’ve been a bad year if Stegron was its biggest selling point.
The story begins with Spider-Man parachuting from a S.H.I.E.L.D. helicopter into Antarctica, so you know this is going to be absurd.
This isn’t even the FIRST time Spider-Man gets to Antarctica, because comics.
So why IS Spider-Man going there? We’re told through a flashback that it’s a favor to his friend Curt Connors, who alternates between being a super-scientist and The Lizard.
Straight to the point, Dr. Connors explains that he needs Spider-Man to go after an assistant who has gone rogue, Dr. Vincent Stegron.
Yes.
“Stegron” is ACTUALLY his real name.
Stegron’s origin is as dumb as his name: he wants to use the Lizard formula to revive dinosaurs.
So let me get this straight.
Stegron already has a knockoff Lizard serum designed for dinosaurs AND he has samples of dinosaur DNA. Why the heck is he going to the Savage Land, which is THE ONLY PLACE ON EARTH WITH LIVING DINOSAURS, if his goal is to revive the dinosaurs!?
This is probably the first time I’ve mentioned the Savage Land in my reviews.
In case you don’t know, in the Marvel Universe there’s an artificially preserved landmass right in the middle of Antarctica… well, it’s kind of beneath a sheet of ice. So it’s typically shown to be difficult to access, but apparently Spider-Man can just parachute there?
Also: I know Spider-Man is Connors’ friend, but… couldn’t he just inform the Avengers or the Fantastic Four? They haven’t been to the Savage Land often (at least the FF haven’t been there yet), but this sounds like it’s more in THEIR league than in Spidey’s.
As you saw on the cover, this issue’s team-up is with Ka-Zar, Marvel’s very own I can’t believe it’s not Tarzan. Who not only has already met Spider-Man a couple of times, but he debuted on the pages of X-Men, because comics.
Having Spider-Man fight dinosaurs COULD potentially be fun, but Ka-Zar is a regular human being. So instead we have them fighting the Swamp Men.
The Swamp Men are just regular cavemen. So naturally one of them is able to knock out Spider-Man by knocking him from behind.
Yes. Spider-Man.
The guy who can dodge lightning and automatic fire, while blindfolded.
THAT guy just got knocked out by a stick.
And no, that’s not a magic stick. It’s not poisoned.
Spider-Man just got knocked out, by a stick, from a regular human.
Spider-Man and Ka-Zar are brough to the new leader of the Swamp Men, Stegron himself.
This is our first look at the so-called “Dinosaur Man”… and he’s just a cheap Lizard knockoff.
I don’t get it.
Dinosaurs are cool. The Lizard is cool.
Why is Dinosaur Lizard here so freaking boring!?
Stegron, who has the strength of a dinosaur and has both Spider-Man and Ka-Zar at his mercy… decides to leave this up to the Swamp Men.
I guess he also has the proportional intelligence of a dinosaur.
Alright, this is Ka-Zar’s time to shine. Despite my jokes I don’t mind him as a character, he’s been in plenty of great stories.
Show them what you’ve got, Ka-Zar!
Ka-Zar does eventually break free, highlighting the main problem with this storyline: it shouldn’t be a Spider-Man story in the first place!!!
Meanwhile Stegron jumps on a giant flying platform supplied by “THEY”. We’re not told in this story who THEY are, so I’ll touch upon it at the end.
Then Stegron decides to rip off Noah by using his so-called “Ark” to take some dinosaurs.
Only Stegron could possibly turn the power to control dinosaurs into something lame.
He does, however, manage to defeat Spider-Man. Which would’ve sounded more impressive if we hadn’t seen a stick do the same exact thing a few pages ago.
Of course since Spider-Man couldn’t defeat the Dinosaur Man, it stands to reason that the armies of the entire world stand no chance against a couple of actual dinosaurs.
If you have the brain of a dinosaur, that makes total sense.
Stegron’s ark begins its flight to New York City, and Spider-Man SOMEHOW manages to stay there the entire time.
MARVEL TEAM-UP #20 (1974)
by Len Wein & Sal Buscema
cover by Sal Buscema & John Romita
For some reason Ka-Zar doesn’t stick around for the second part (and really, can you blame him?).
Since we’re following a threat from Antarctica that is going to attack North America, naturally the next team-up is with a hero from Africa.
Which is now being reviewed by a guy in Europe.
Sometimes I wonder, “who in the world could possibly accept a pitch for this story?”.
However, if I was an editor and a writer pitched me a story titles “Dinosaurs on Broadway”, I would accept the story without further question.
Okay Spider-Man, you’ve been thoroughly unimpressive in the first part. Now will you please, PLEASE do something!?
Apparently not.
The Ark is spotted by the Avengers security, but the only one home is Black Panther… who ends up rescuing Spider-Man, without even knowing he’s mocking the way he failed to save Gwen Stacy.
This is neat: the first time Spider-Man and Black Panther meet!
Meanwhile Stegron has landed in NYC and is unleashing his army of about a dozen dinosaurs on a two-page spread.
Alright I can accept other heroes being more effective than Spider-Man in a fight, but I refuse to accept giving THEM the best jokes!!!
This is getting ridiculous. Black Panther does have slightly superhuman reflexes, sure, but even Spider-Man wasn’t able to evade his tail earlier!
And yes, that is ridiculous even in a story about dinosaurs on Broadway.
I mentioned one of the failings of this series is having to jump between heroes, but there’s another: the soap-opera of Peter Parker is of minor importance on Marvel Team-Up.
Which is a shame because this series showcases just how crazy Mary Jane could get.
Spider-Man villains must be grateful she wasn’t the one to be bitten by a radioactive spider, because she’d be freaking unstoppable with powers.
This is an interesting setup because, at the time, Mary Jane didn’t know the secret identity.
Years later (1984 to be exact), we would learn she had always known Peter Parker was Spider-Man; so every time we get a flashback, it’s neat to see if that idea holds up or not.
In this story it’s actually both!
The scene where she’s looking for Peter could be interpreted as her calling him even if he’s in costume…
…but when he yells at her after saving her life, the way she reacts makes it look like she doesn’t know and is genuinely afraid of him.
Then again, she WAS almost crushed by a dinosaur.
(also: I’m not the biggest Sal Buscema fan, but man can he sell a character being afraid!!!)
Spider-Man finally, and I do mean FINALLY manages to hit Stegron when they’re fighting on top of a pterodactyl.
And so Stegron is defeated because, and I’m not kidding, he forgot he’s too heavy to swim.
So who was this “THEY” who gave Stegron his ark?
We wouldn’t find out until 1979, on Incredible Hulk #241 of all places, when Roger Stern had mystical bad guys “They Who Wield Power” explain they were behind various random plots.
And Stegron is there, possibly because that story was penciled by Sal Buscema as well.
Historical significance: 1/
First meeting between Spider-Man and Black Panther.
Silver Age-ness: 10/
DINOSAURS ON BROADWAY!!!
Does it stand the test of time? 0/
The Lizard is one of my favorite Spider-Man villains. And everybody loves dinosaurs.
So this should’ve been a slam dunk, but Stegron is just soooooo boring! He lacks ANY personality.
The story also barely pretends this is a Spider-Man story: he’s just dragged around by the plot.
I mean Black Panther has the best jokes, that should really tell you something.
How close is this to the modern character? 10/10
I mean, he’s Stegron. He’s as simple as a dinosaur-themed supervillain gets.
He next shows up in 1977, once again written by Len Wein, where he uses a device that can SOMEHOW reanimate dinosaur fossils.
And he dies because he had the incredibly bright idea to attack New York during a snowstorm while he has cold blood.
I know the actual science is a bit more complicated, but A) that wasn’t known at the time B) this is a story with a ray that can reanimate fossils, so science is already a no-show.
He was presumed dead until 1993 when, for some reason, they decided to bring him back.
He still sucked.
He’s had a few appearances here and there. I don’t think anyone has ever made him cool, but the potential is definitely there.
Stegron isn’t even the most interesting former assistant of Connors. That title definitely goes to the AWESOME Komodo, who I sincerely hope will be used again because she’s a terrific character.
At least Stegron is not the worst Lizard knockoff. That title goes to Iguana, whose secret origin is… being an actual iguana experimented on by Connors.
Because comics.
