Dazzler – Page 15 – Comics Archeology

Dazzker #35 (1984)
by Jim Shooter & Frank Springer
cover by Bill Sienkiewicz

This is the last issue with a Sienkiewicz cover, so the next (and last) seven issues will have even less going for them.

We begin with Dazzler coming back home after her TERRIBLE Graphic Novel, and she tries to call Storm to tell her all about it.

Considering how Dazzler dismisses her warnings at the beginning of the Graphic Novel, no wonder Storm is not a hurry to talk to her.

After Dazzler recounts the events of the Graphic Novel for any reader lucky enough to have skipped that dumpster fire, she has to deal with her racist landlord.

Her landlord might be a little bipolar, consider how he constantly switches between being reasonable and lashing out.

It’s kind of hilarious that the Graphic Novel ended on a supposedly positive note, but then it’s immediately followed by Dazzler being unable to find a job.
“You’re going to be okay” lasted zero issues!!!

I would also have the same reaction as this guy. Not because she’s a mutant, but because she’s Dazzler.

If this was the last issue, I could totally see Dazzler going the supervillain route.
It fits her shockingly well! You have a rather dumb and materialistic character that thought she could just ignore her being a mutant, with the world constantly doubling down on humiliating her and force her to use her powers… considering Dazzler never learns any lesson in this series, it would’ve been understandable if she just snapped.

And then she goes to work at a lesbian bar.
Yeah yeah, they say it’s “a women-only club”, but come on, that’s 1984 Comics Code talking.

Yet another case when Dazzler gets the job because she’s hot. You can’t possibly argue it’s thanks to her singing or dancing talents here!

Her supporting character of the day will be “Spoonsize”. She’s supposed to be very short, but it’s hard to tell in most panels because that’s not what Frank Springer wants to draw.

For reference, Dazzler is 5’8” (172.72 cm), with Spoonsize being 5’1” (154.94 cm).

Dazzler doesn’t perform but this place has SOME connection to her work, since there’s a band playing.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the worst named band ever: “Jan Jackson and the Steel Tuna”.
Yes.
JAN JACKSON AND THE STEEL TUNA.

And then, as if things couldn’t possibly get more embarrassing… THIS happens.

I think Shooter owes a serious apology to all women AND all men for this.

You might think that the only reason Shooter wrote this series was to humiliate Dazzler.

Well you’d be… ALMOST right.

I can’t believe Jim Shooter was 16 when he wrote “The ghost of Ferro Lad” and 33 when he wrote this crap. You’d swear it was the other way around.

Our heroine, ladies and gentlemen!

Dazzler used to fight Doctor Doom and hang out with Galactus.

It’s hard to make the cops even more incompetent than Dazzler, but they manage it.

Shockingly, Dazzler manages to win! I’m not joking, I’m surprised she manage to score a win.

And so we end the story with Dazzler stealing her tip.
Our heroine, ladies and gentlemen!

The lesson of the story, kids, is to stop letting other people boss you around, grow a pair and fight back. Which is rich coming from the girl who slept with her stalker, let him expose her secret and ruin her career IN THE PREVIOUS STORY.