Dazzler #13 (1982)
by Danny Fingeroth & Frank Springer
cover by John Romita Jr.
This issue, Dazzler goes to jail. Judging by the cover, you might think supervillains are allowed to keep their costumes there… but don’t worry, the actual prison uniforms are far more ridiculous.
We begin with Dazzler discovering a brooch in her dead mother’s belongings. This will go nowhere the entire issue.
Dazzler’s string of terrible jobs continues: now she’s reduced to singing telegrams!
You know, this would’ve made sense at the very beginning of her career… but she’s already had her own concerts, the fact that she’s reduced to these bits is ridiculous.
Her civilian life is not any better, because she’s dumped by Doctor McDreamy.
She takes this well.
Well at least things can’t get any worse, right?
Sooo… what does Dazzler do? Call her layer? Call the dozen superheroes who adore her so much they forced her producer to hire her? Nope! She beats up the officers and hides in the streets.
She explicitly chooses that option over calling a superhero. (WTF!?)
She eventually decides she’s done something stupid (YOU DON’T SAY!) and turns herself in.
Same energy.
SOMEHOW she’s arrested, and we’re introduced to new supporting character Kenneth Barnett.
Spoiler alert: this guy will eventually be Dazzler’s next love interest.
Yes. THIS GUY is the love interest.
And that was the setup to get Dazzler into Horny Jail.
Remember what I said at the very beginning about prison uniforms?
And Dazzler is immediately targeted by the supervillains that are currently in prison. Meet the Grapplers, fourth-tier supervillains who are basically only notable for having Screaming Mimi, the future Songbird, as one of their members.
Not only they ARE in costume, Screaming Mimi is in full makeup!!! (and it’s apparently quite cold in that prison)
We have reached fanservice overload, right? I mean, not to be a prude, but we’re not THAT far off from this turning into softcore porn.
This turns into, you guessed it, a big horny catfight.
Things are not going great for Dazzler and her ever-shrinking uniform, until Screaming Mimi attacks her with her sonic powers…
…which is naturally all Dazzler needs to GO FOR IT!
So this puts an end to the horny catfight. You might have thought Dazzler was wearing the uniform because of some sort of hazing from the inmates, but… no, that’s clearly the regular uniform!
In the middle of all this nonsense there IS one good moment, with Dazzler having a glimpse of what might’ve been if she had gone into law like her father wanted.
We now move into the legal side of the story. Is Dazzler guilty of murdering Klaw in issue #9, or was it self defense?
Importantly for the future of the series, the fact that Dazzler is a mutant will continue to be a mystery for the public. While a bit forced, the reasoning is probably the fact that the jury was instructed to keep this secret because it’s all connected to a secret government facility.
Now I’m no lawyer, but I get the feeling the prosecution got itself a terrible lawyer.
The defense gets no objection from its shaky ground of questioning AND the prosecution has its own witness testify in favor of Dazzler being innocent!
(that’s Quasar above, by the way. Did he buy a suit three sizes too big!?)
It probably doesn’t help the prosecution having a shady government official as one of its major witnesses.
Despite his ridiculous moustache, Kenneth turns out to be a decent lawyer. Consider that in this period the Marvel Universe is in full mutant phobia, so the fact that this line of defense eventually works is quite impressive.
So Dazzler is free, although she will have to live with the fact that she killed a man.
Klaw will of course return in Secret Wars #6. He doesn’t appear again in this series, and I seriously doubt he’s met Dazzler ever since.
Dazzler significance: 1/10
The end of Dazzler’s first love story… and that’s just how important McDreamy was. I sure am glad I never took the effort to remember his name.
Silver Age-ness: 0/10
Does it stand the test of time? 4/10
The legal part is fine if a bit rushed. This is no Trial of Star Boy, sure, but it could’ve made for an interesting story about superheroes employing lethal force for self-defense. Instead it’s bogged down by the prison part, which… yeesh.
GO FOR IT!: 11
Obligatory underwear shot: 13
A conservative estimate. Technically speaking there’s evidently no underwear involved, but the point stands.
