My Greatest Adventure #85 (1964)
by Arnold Drake & Bruno Premiani
This is the last issue before the series is renamed simply “Doom Patrol”.
This story is a good comparison with the other team of misfits led by a guy in a wheelchair debuting in 1963, the X-Men.
It seems to me that the Doom Patrol is generally beloved by the public, and they’re even asked by the authorities to help. The same occasionally happened to the X-Men, but the government kept it a secret and the public really didn’t like them.
The team recovers the medical supplies from the sunken ship, and once again I have to praise the Premiani artwork.
Wait, how exactly was a bomb a safer method to open the lock than opening it from the inside???
This is where the major comparison to the X-Men comes up, and it’s an aspect that I believe the Doom Patrol handles FAR better, at least when it comes to the Silver Age: representation!
That’s actually one of the things that have always irritated me about the X-Men: it took then NEARLY FORTY YEARS before they got rid of secret identities and admitted they were mutants.
I understand they had their reasons that (mostly) made sense in-universe, but it also means that people like Professor X were NOT publicly known to be mutants: they waited until the 2000s.
By contrast, here we have the Doom Patrol in 1964 using their real names and trying to use Elasti-Girl’s fame as an actress to help “freaks” be accepted by society.
She accepts the acting gig, and we IMMEDIATELY learn that Chief is lying to her.
The more I continue the retrospective, the more Morrison’s retcon about Chief being a sociopath feels less and less like a retcon.
Of course it turns out that Elasti-Girl was offered the role because of her powers, by having the gimmick of a woman who has the power to shrink starring in “Honey I’ve shrunk the ripoff”.
Also I think the director is Bill Finger, considering the obsession with giant objects.
But then the actor injures himself, so the movie “Honey I’ve shrunk the ripoff” is going to be retitled as “The diminishing lady”.
I’m not kidding, that’s how it’s called!
Also: the director went through the trouble of building a giant set when he knew he wouldn’t need to use it, but he couldn’t wait a little longer for the poster?
Also also: Chief knew everything, why am I not surprised?
But why would Chief do this? Well, it turns out that both the United States and “another power” simultaneously tested underground nuclear weapons.
Who could this power be? Latveria wouldn’t get nuclear weapons until 1976.
What does this have to do with the movie plot? Well, it turns out that nuclear testing has created some underground monsters (!!!) and Chief believes this mission would be too dangerous for a girl.
Despite the fact that said girl is the team’s powerhouse AND that Chief himself is going!
Granted, he doesn’t have superpowers and can’t use his legs, but he does have a beard.
Chief doesn’t even leave his underground ship, so Robotman and Negative Man are on their own.
What was even the point of going with them, Chief!?
If you’re ever read a comic book in your life, you won’t be surprised that Elasti-Girl follows the team anyway.
The rest of the team defeats the first monster, shockingly without damaging Robotman despite him being at the center of an explosion.
Which is completely useless because the monster can regrow.
And then Elasti-Girl shows up to save them. With her regular costume, despite the fact that Chief making it a point that they are not protected against the subterranean heat… which earlier he claimed was 500°F (260°C).
I guess Elasti-Girl is slightly invulnerable when giant-size and that Chief is protected by his beard.
Also these monsters are LIVING NUCLEAR REACTORS, so I hope that beard also protects Chief from radiation.
I don’t really get why both Chief and Negative Man bring up the Nitrogen cycle, because unless I’m missing something I don’t see how it relates to nuclear explosions.
Chief’s plan is to use coal to stop the nuclear reactions inside the monsters, which requires Elasti-Girl to grind Robotman against coal they find in an abandoned mine.
AMAZINGLY this doesn’t end up damaging Robotman!!!
Also: I bet that when Chief suggested the solution was to have Elasti-Girl grind against Robotman, it must have been one awkward conversation.
Maybe Robotman was thinking too much about that phase of the plan, because he doesn’t seem to get what the heck they’re trying to do.
I’m not a nuclear engineer, but I think this is oversimplifying what would be necessary for accomplishing such a feat.
Still, as far as science accuracy goes at DC during the Silver Age, this might as well have been written by Stephen Hawking.
Guys, if I were you I would not breathe anywhere near that thing.
And so we end with Elasti-Girl threatening some sweet revenge.
Historical significance: 0/10
I don’t think this is ever referenced again.
Silver Age-ness: 4/10
If this was on the Marvel scale it would be much higher, but for DC this is nothing.
Does it stand the test of time? 7/10
A bit of a letdown. The movie plot was very interesting from the perspective of representation, but it’s just there as a minor point for the monster plot. Which is fine but very generic.
At least Chief is proven wrong for sidelining Elasti-Girl, so this is not nearly as sexist as the vast majority of 60s stories.
Times Robotman has been damaged: 3
Issues when Robotman is never damaged: 3
Interesting letters: the Doom Patrol’s potential as a TV series was realized WAY early.
