New Gods v2 #6 (1984)
by Jack Kirby
The first five issues of this series simply reprint the first volume, but in the last issue Kirby had the chance to finish the story he started in the 70s.
Will Kirby, for once, be able to finish a story that he started?
The book starts with a complete reprint of New Gods #11, but when it reaches that point it adds a new panel.
The new story begins with two consecutive double splash pages of Orion attacking Apokolips.
If the 70s series was decompressed, this is even more: virtually nothing happens for the first 12 pages besides Orion attacking everything in sight.
Kirby does have more creative layouts than used to…
…but it still has Kirby’s old “habit” of putting “quotation marks” around “common” words at “random”. It’s very “distracting”.
This is kind of hard to review because besides “Orion saves a couple of kids” there isn’t much I can say besides the fact that he fights. A lot.
Also, they won’t contribute to the plot in any way.
We finally see the Female Furies again. There’s no acknowledgment of the fact that, the last time we saw them in a Kirby book, they were on Earth being Mister Miracle’s assistants.
If there is a theme to this story… which honestly I’m having trouble finding… is that Darkseid is big on automation now. He’s employing more robot soldiers than usual, and apparently they’re even in management.
I’m assuming Big Barda’s attitude rubbed off the Female Furies, since they are now rebelling against Granny Goodness.
See, THIS is what should have happened in the Mister Miracle series BEFORE they went to Earth!
Also: man has Kirby’s way of drawing faces degraded since the 70s.
The same is true for a lot of pages. Don’t get me wrong, A LOT of the story still has the Kirby quality you expected… but a lot more doesn’t have his classic polish.
Part of the problem might be that some of these don’t look like they were originally meant to be so large: for example, this panel is almost a splash page since it takes up about 80% of the page.
Kirby could’ve gotten away with some shortcuts for individual panels, but when they’re so large you start to notice.
To recap, we are currently at PAGE 18 and everything that happened so far is:
A) Orion has broken a lot of stuff
B) The Female Furies have rebelled
C) Darkseid likes computers now
So what does page 19 really needs right now is a splash page.
Darkseid is apparently missing Desaad, who he disintegrated in New Gods #11… which, I remind you, from his perspective was like a couple of hours ago.
One of his scientists suggest a way to resurrect Desaad…
…which is completely unnecessary since Darkseid can do it by himself.
I do find it incredibly funny that Darkseid has no idea of what his men are building.
This method of resurrection is apparently worse than what his men suggested.
These “quotation marks” are now “pissing me off” by how “annoying” they are.
To continue our ongoing saga of nothing happening, Lightray shows up.
Orion’s reason for going to Apokolips is to meet Tigra.
If you read this story immediately after New Gods #11… which is the way it was published… this is a bit jarring. That story ended with Orion deciding to take the war to Darkseid but made no mention of his mother, but it’s now his main motivation.
After Lightray joins the fight, in one of the most creative layouts I’ve ever seen Kirby use…
…we return to our regularly scheduled neverending action scene.
One of the most frustrating parts of hearing Kirby superfans claim that he personally wrote EVERY book he worked on during his entire career is the awareness of just how terrible his dialogue gets.
Also at some points he seems to get tired of backgrounds for no reason.
Darkseid’s terrifying army is defeated by a hologram of dog treats.
Maybe he does have a point automating everything.
Orion is VERY insistent on Lightray leaving the battlefield the entire time.
DC should have the courage to make this a romantic couple.
Come on, they’re already constantly bickering like an old married couple AND Lightray is the only one who seems to stand Orion… just get a room already!!!
I often feel bad criticizing bad artwork, considering my drawing skills don’t even reach stickman figures level… especially when I’m discussing The King Of Comics.
But Kirby superfans, please, for the love of Highfather, can you AT LEAST acknowledge that some of this artwork is just terrible?
Has Kirby ever even seen a human being give a thumbs up?
Has he ever seen a thumb!?
That gesture is enough to convince Lightray to leave Apokolips with his best Human Torch impersonation.
We are currently at PAGE 35. Absolutely nothing has changed for Orion.
Darkseid is getting a kick out of these resurrections.
WILL YOU STOP WITH THE QUOTATION MARKS???
Kalibak has also been resurrected. If you’re keeping score, this is the third resurrection of the story after Desaad and Steppenwolf.
These “resurrections” are a bit “imperfect”, because everyone gets back as “mindless robots”.
This is fine for Darkseid, who throws Mantis into the pile.
This 80s DC comic is getting all the 70s Marvel memes for some reason.
Maybe it’s because we are now at PAGE 39 and the plot has barely started.
And we keep going…
…and going…
I don’t get Darkseid’s problem with this resurrection method. All the minions he resurrected are still willing to fight for him even when they don’t remember their names!
I swear if I see ONE more quotation mark I’m going to scream.
And finally, at PAGE 44, Orion manages to get to Darkseid!!! This is what the entire comic has been building up to!!!
Never thought I would ever see Darkseid firing a gun.
So when did Darkseid tie Orion’s mom to this contraption? Because we saw her on Mister Miracle and she was basically free to go wherever she wanted.
It’s possible he moved her here once Orion attacked Apokolips. It’s not like we could have showed her in any of the 45 PAGES it took to get to this point.
In fact, she showed up so little that Orion has to scream to the reader that this is his mother.
I wouldn’t complain about it if getting here wasn’t HIS ENTIRE MOTIVATION IN THE STORY.
Well, okay, I would probably still complain A LITTLE, but come on!!!
The great final battle between Orion and Darkseid consists of these 3 panels.
Orion throws a single punch.
Darkseid never punches back.
In fact, Darkseid resorts to order his men to fire on Orion.
And so Orion dies, falling into the pits of Apokolips.
OR IS IT?
And that’s how it ends!!!
Yep. Twelve years after the ending of the original series, 48 pages of pointless fighting and the death of the protagonist, this is all you get.
Splash pages: 3 out of 48 (6%)
Splash + double splash pages: 9 out of 48 (19%)
Most Kirby panel
Another case where the panel takes 80% of the page, but that still doesn’t make it a splash page.
Most WTF panel
Darkseid is… confused.
Historical “significance”: ???/10
Good luck figuring out whether this is supposed to be in continuity or not.
The last Kirby story for the Fourth World (which will be the next review) is a direct follow-up to this, but its canonicity is questionable… SOME later comics acknowledge it and some don’t.
All of those will be post-Crisis though.
Silver “Age-ness”: 5/10
This is a story that contains both an army being defeated by throwing bones at dogs AND ends with the protagonist being killed by an execution squad. So let’s split the difference.
Does it stand the “test of time?”: 0/10
I never want to hear anyone complain again about the injustice of Kirby not being given the chance to tell the story he wanted because his books kept getting cancelled.
He had 48 PAGES to give SOME conclusion to his story and it’s just 48 pages of nothing.
The story is bad, the dialogue is terrible, the quotation marks are “scream inducing”, the pacing is all over the place, Darkseid is not intimidating in the slightest, all the villains are unassuming, the themes are completely inconsistent, and even the artwork is not up to Kirby’s standards.
I’m sorry but even the King himself is not enough to save this one. It has some nice artwork here and there and some good layouts here and there, but I have to be honest.
I think this comic just sucks.