JIMMY OLSEN 57 (1961)
by Jerry Siegel & Curt Swan
At first glance I thought Supergirl was talking about marrying the ugly monster.
Turns out I was right: this is an imaginary story where she marries Jimmy Olsen.
We begin with Jimmy Olsen visiting the Midvale orphanage. At this point I think it’s the only orphanage in the United States.
He’s here to write a story, but in practice he just wants to show off his useless souvenirs. Believe it or not, this will be a plot point.
Supergirl is there in her secret identity, even if this is set after she’s been adopted.
Jimmy decides to impress her by offering her a gift: red Kryptonite.
You might think this is a dangerous idea, but Jimmy has an excuse: this story is explicitly set before the world learns about the existence of Supergirl, so as far as he knows Superman and Krypto are the only beings that can be affected by it… and since red Kryptonite only works once, they’re safe.
However, we’re informed (rather awkwardly) from a caption that Red Kryptonite has taken away Supergirl’s powers AND her memory of having them.
Since Supergirl is supposed to marry Jimmy in this story, I was wondering when we would get to her suffering brain damage.
They have a date at Superman-themed park, and at this point you won’t be surprised to learn this is also going to be a plot point.
Then Jimmy asks her to marry him, and she accepts! Note that we are still at their first date.
I’m still not ruling out brain damage.
Also: by the time Supergirl was adopted, SHE WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL. So Jimmy just asked what, a sixteen year old to marry him? Seventeen, tops? AT THE FIRST DATE.
Jimmy “introduces” her to Superman, who she doesn’t recognize.
Then we cut to one of my favorite ultra-condensed-infodump panels ever.
And so Jimmy and Linda get married right away!
Yes Lois, Lucy looks very distressed. That is the look of a woman thinking “Did I remember to feed the cat this morning?”.
Amazingly, a cub reporter and high school dropout (I guess) don’t have enough money, so Jimmy quits his job!
In typical Jimmy Olsen fashion, he was sure he’d be hired immediately, but it seems he just can’t get a job. I’m honestly shocked he didn’t pull a “do you know who I am?” routine.
While he’s away, the effects of red Kryptonite fade away and Supergirl remembers who she is, complete with powers.
Took it long enough!!! The effects or red Kryptonite typically last 24 or 48 hours (there’s a lot of inconsistency on this).
Jimmy decides to get some money by selling his Superman souvenirs, when he goes to the airport to write a story about an earthquake. This is where the jewel comes back into play.
Supergirl saves the day with super-ventriloquism. So she’s already the breadwinner of the family.
All seems well, but Supergirl is still wondering how she’s going to tell her husband that she’s an alien with superpowers.
Note they’re sleeping in separate beds. The Comics Code would not allow even a married couple to be shown sharing the same bed.
Which means we can pretend this Jimmy isn’t having sex with Supergirl, so the Comics Code was useful for something.
This was the first part of the story; unusually for the time, this continues straight into the second part. Which is also where the story goes BONKERS.
We pick up with Jimmy going back to the Superman-themed park to do a story on the unsafe rides… and IMMEDIATELY he gets bored and decides to ride Superman!
Supergirl was keeping an eye on him, and she saves him from killing himself in a very stupid way.
So not even Supergirl is perfect, I guess.
Supergirl tells him her origin story, then she tries to seduce him. WITHOUT telling him she’s his wife.
This is supposedly because she’s testing him to know if he can keep a secret, but I’m not buying it. It’s her Kryptonian Ass#ole Genes taking over.
It really, REALLY looks like she’s trying to see if Jimmy is willing to cheat on her.
This is where the monster from the cover turns up.
Then, in a completely unrelated moment, Jimmy falls into the famous Bottomless Pit of Purplestone National Park.
A national treasure, for sure.
And ABSOLUTELY OUT OF NOWHERE Jimmy comes into contact with a subterranean civilization ruled by an evil king!
I must stress that there’s no warning whatsoever about this.
The entire “subterranean civilization” plot lasts literally A PAGE AND A HALF.
Well at least Jimmy proves to be faithful to his wife.
Supergirl is actually a little bummed about the fact that Jimmy DIDN’T betray her, while Jimmy goes so far as confess his guilt about thinking about another woman!
This really is an alternate reality. Jimmy is a decent human being and Supergirl is the ass#ole.
I love how the story ends with a “yes this is a happy ending, but don’t worry, this is not the REAL Jimmy”.
Historical significance: 0/10
Pretty much by definition, for an imaginary story.
Silver Age-ness: 10/10
Do I have to explain why? Red Kryptonite alone would be an easy 8/10.
Does it stand the test of time? 7/10
Do you know how rare it is for one of these imaginary stories to have both husband and wife are relatively sane?
Stupid Jimmy Olsen moment
It’s hard to top “I’ll take a peek at the bottomless pit”, but Jimmy is the one to do it with “I came here to write about a defective ride, but I’m bored so let’s jump on the defective ride right away”.
Interesting letters: apparently there were ideas too weird for this series.
I mean, turning Jimmy into a giant turtle man is one thing, but an animal? Now that would just be silly!